Thursday, March 31, 2016

March 31

Something about this particular scene spoke to me this afternoon.

I was standing outside the elementary school with Brady waiting for the bell to ring when these plants caught my eye. At first, I thought 'Ick, someone needs to spend some time cleaning these up.' But then I realized something else: I look pretty ratty and disheveled half of the time, too. But like these plants, I'm still alive. And like these plants, I too will thrive again some day.

So for the reminder to avoid judging based on appearances, I'm thankful.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

March 30

In the interest of full disclosure, nothing really jumped out at me today. It may be because I was busy again or because I simply wasn't looking. But for whatever reason, I didn't have any new images on my phone when I settled into my chair this evening. So I got a handful of Goldfish pretzels to finish a product review.

And I had a thought. I'm really fortunate to be able to do these reviews. I'm fortunate that I can get samples to try out and then share my opinions in order to influence what happens down the road.

It's a small thing, but I don't think I spend enough time being thankful for the small things. So there ya go.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

March 29

Busy days aren't always my favorites; I don't like stress, but I do like to feel like I've accomplished something by day's end. And after coffee with a friend, an interview with a budding summer Olympian, three dentist appointments, and swimming lessons, I felt that sense of accomplishment and was perfectly pleased to plunk down in my trusty chair this evening for some R&R. From my perch, I watched Isaac work with Adam on his open market project for the end of the week.

I enjoyed watching the two of them as they built little catapults; there was a sweetness in the interaction that made my heart smile. It was just an everyday thing, but as I've said at least 50 times before, those little moments that we often overlook can be filled with so much love that we do ourselves a huge disservice by failing to see (and appreciate) them.

Monday, March 28, 2016

March 28

The kiddos had a day off today, so we did as we sometimes do on random no-school days: we went to brunch.

This was a single, isolated moment from the meal. Abby and Isaac were both looking at the word searches on their respective menus when Abby suddenly laughed at an unexpected word that she discovered amid the rows of letters. The Little Boys leaned over to see what was so funny, and a moment later, all three of them were giggling. Together. It was a lovely moment. (The funny word? "Rear," since bottom humor is all the rage.)

Sunday, March 27, 2016

March 27

Easter. The day that promises us a future beyond this oft pain-ridden, challenge-filled life. A future that promises me more time with not only these three precious people, but with my sweet Logan as well.

It was, all things considered, a fine day. There were Easter baskets and church and the message of Christ's resurrection and candy-filled plastic eggs that appeared in the back yard for the kids to collect. There were also unexpected tears; ones that I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt them trickling down my cheeks.

Yes, the laughter and the tears and the excitement and the sorrow and the great hope of a better tomorrow all came together to create a very good, very real day. Somehow, the cacophony of so many clashing emotions created a striking symphony, and that's a truly lovely blessing.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

March 26

After several weeks of asking when it was going to happen, the kiddos finally dyed Easter eggs this afternoon. This is the one that Lambie and I dropped in the dye for Logan:

As I gently turned the egg in the cup of purple color, I noticed an odd cluster of reddish dye. So I leaned in for a closer look. And then I blinked and looked again. And again.

As improbable as it seemed, the harder I looked, the more clearly I saw a faint red "L" on that eggshell. A Logan "L."

On this day, the day before Easter --the day that Christ changed everything for us so many years ago-- it seems poetic and appropriate that the initial of our love who's gone on ahead would appear on an egg: an overt symbol of new life that's yet to come.

Friday, March 25, 2016

March 25

Ah, sweet Friday. School pick-ups, then Abby's dance class, then our customary girls-only dinner, then mother/daughter dance class. It's a tiring evening for sure, but it's worth it when I get moments like this. (And no, she's not trying to eat Pinkie Pie. I have no idea what she's doing but she'd never eat a My Little Pony plush.)

It was, as usual, entertaining to sit with my girl and listen to her chatter on about her day. Just hearing her gives me insight into her growing world, and I know quite well that I'm fortunate that she still wants to talk to me. These days are precious and few, so I'll soak 'em up while I can (even if I have to listen to Pony stories. Many, many pony stories).

Thursday, March 24, 2016

March 24

I fully admit that I wasn't sure about Brady's preschool class when the year began. I didn't know any of the other parents, and it seemed like most of them were too busy or too shy to be social. I'd been at the school for a number of years, and somehow, this particular class felt different, and I wasn't sure if I liked it. But now, with May and the end of their tenure as a unit looming, I'm genuinely sad because I've come to genuinely like this group of little ones.

Today, they had their Easter celebration; our last one at the school. They sang their song during chapel and then jetted out to the lawn to "hunt" for candy. My heart swelled with joy as they bounded toward the parents in a mass of pastel colors and bow ties to scoop up handfuls of sweet treats; as I watched my little muffin in particular coursing the grass in his little suit, his bag in hand, seeking out his sugary treasures. Then after the hunt, we headed inside for the customary Easter feast.

It's hard to accept that our time at that wonderful school is drawing to a close. I know that come May, memories of all of my kids playing on the playground and laughing and doing projects will all come back to me. And I know I'll mourn the end of those sweet, sweet days; it'll be hard to know that I won't return there as a parent, to that place where I have so many crystal clear memories of my Logan.

But at the same time, it's impossible to not feel an enormous sense of gratitude for all they've done for us over the years. So for today and for all of the yesterdays we've enjoyed there and for the work that they've done to remind my children that they're loved by a great big God --especially when I was struggling and couldn't offer up those reminders on my own-- I'm immeasurably thankful.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

March 23

I was the co-op parent at preschool this morning. (Or, as Brady would say, I was "The Mommy.") Even though it means I don't get my me-time, I always enjoy my time with the kiddos: watching them interact, seeing them laugh at silly things, helping them to figure out how to deal with conflict. (Okay, so I don't love the incredible noise that sometimes resonates from their little lungs nor do I love sweeping bits of tortilla chip from under the tables. But the great majority of the rest of it is fun.)

Anyway, today's experience was especially sweet because Brady's job this week is Prayer Helper, which means he stands in front of the class before snack time, takes prayer requests from his classmates, and then helps his teacher to say the blessing. I had my eyes closed through most of his prayer, but when I opened them briefly and saw him standing there with his eyes squeezed shut, offering up the class prayer, my heart warmed. Seeing little ones so sweetly giving thanks is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

March 22

By virtue of the number of items on my to-do list and our pesky inability to be in two places at once, today could've been an exhausting, frustrating disaster, but it wasn't. It began with Isaac practicing his pitching at the park before school (as seen here -- it's even an action shot! Look to the left)...

... and continued with a trip to two stores for tomorrow's preschool snack (the trip to store number two was necessitated by store number one's failure to stock Brady-approved cheese), a two-hour conference call, school pick-ups, and a trip to the eye doctor to pick up two pairs of glasses (mine and Abby's). At some point during the day, an email and a text clued me into the fact that I had a deacons' meeting tonight at church, but not before I took Isaac to the ballpark for his baseball game, left him there while I took Abby and Brady to the next town over for swimming, and then returned afterward to catch the end of said game (which, I should add, went immeasurably better than Saturday's delayed season-opener: he made some good plays on defense and made contact with the ball during both of his at bats! There's a sincere 'thank you, Jesus' in that alone). Then I left the sports park to head to my meeting and stopped for a sandwich and soda on the way. I quietly groused over the soda's price tag, but as I checked out, I realized I'd saved a rather high-value e-coupon to my store card so voila, my expensive drink because substantially cheaper.

So yeah... a lot of good stuff there. A lot of small blessings that turned an otherwise potentially exhausting and stressful day into one that I'll smile about in the future. So for all of that --for the good things that were granted to me today for which I might otherwise forget to express gratitude-- I'm thankful.

Monday, March 21, 2016

March 21

We took a long overdue trip to Costco this evening, and the sky on the way home was absolutely breathtaking.

Rays of sunlight shone both above and below a thick bank of clouds, creating one of my favorite natural spectacles.

I really have no words of wisdom to add to this one; just maybe a reminder to take the time to look at --really look at and study-- the beautiful sights that God creates in nature, especially since they're often quite fleeting. If we walk around with our eyes downcast, we're apt to miss some of the very best views.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

March 20

The recent rains have made the cemetery grounds unusually lush and green. Although it's less grass and more weeds, it's life, so it's a good thing. When we went by this afternoon for our weekly visit, the ground was dotted with tiny purple flowers. And this one tiny blue one, right next to Logan's stone.

That one, sweet-faced blue bloom was so perfectly placed that I know it was a sign; a sign that Logan is still around in whatever way is possible, and that God is taking care of him.

So much meaning from such a tiny source.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

March 19

After two consecutive rain-outs, Isaac finally played in his first A-level baseball game.

I'd like to report that it was a huge success given how excited he was going into the day, but it was, in reality, quite so-so for our aspiring slugger. The first ego-hit came when he saw that he'd be one of just two kids to start the game on the bench. The disappointment continued as he struck out during both of his at-bats. And feelings of frustration arose in me when I realized that certain kids were getting the bulk of the playing time. It just wasn't an awesome experience for either of us.

I thought about that game later in the day. Even though my heart hurt for my sweet boy, I'm thankful that I was in the position to offer him some comfort amid the disappointment. I'm grateful that I was able to give him a hug and tell him that I know he'll do better next time, and assure him that I just know he'll get better as he continues to practice.

I don't know how much my input actually helped; I'm sure the time he spent at the park shagging fly balls with Adam and Brady this afternoon did more to boost his confidence that my feeble words. But I'm thankful that I got to try, because it's a gift to bring comfort to someone else.

Friday, March 18, 2016

March 18

I had a number of errands I wanted to run this morning after I dropped Brady at school. I'd mentally penciled in stops at various stores when when my little muffin mentioned that it was chapel day. And not just any chapel day, but Palm Sunday chapel day. And with that, the schedule-rearranging commenced.

The Palm Sunday chapel has always been one of my favorites, and since this is our last year of preschool, I felt an urgent need to be there to see the little ones parading around the church while waving their paper palm branches and singing --ad nauseum-- Ho ho ho hosanna, ha ha hallelujah....

I remember Abby parading. I remember Logan parading. I remember Isaac parading. I treasure the memories of them waving those branches and singing and grinning when they caught sight of me watching them. And I think I always will.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

March 17

I feel like I've used too many photos of Brady lately. But I took this one this morning at preschool drop-off and when I looked at it, I became the proverbial mound of mush.

I love how most days, he gives me a hug and immediately runs to where his friends are playing to join in the fun. He does look back; he waves double I Love You hands at me until I'm out the door and out of sight, but then he's off again, being a kid.

I'm thankful that he's secure enough that he can do that; that he's comfortable enough with his class and teacher that he's okay with me leaving for a while; that I don't have to fight with him to play with other kiddos and that social interactions seem to come to him so naturally. Those are all good things. And tonight, I'm taking a few moments to be thankful for some of those great traits that I don't usually think about that help to make my muffin wonderful.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

March 16

I was sitting in my chair watching an old "Murder, She Wrote" re-run tonight when I happened to check the middle school's parent portal and noticed that Abby's grade for today's math quiz had posted. (She rocked it.) So I IM'd her to tell her to go look. And then we enjoyed an amusing little exchange (before I finally told her she needed to get offline and go to bed.)

As I worked to formulate my next ridiculous question, I had a clear moment of joy when it occurred to me that my girl is really growing up. She gets my stupid jokes most of the time and has a pretty good sense of humor herself; she really does have an uncanny ability to make me laugh in spite of myself and that's most definitely a talent that few possess.

So tonight, I'm thankful for our ridiculous chats and for the blessing that she is to me every single day.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

March 15

I rather like it when these winks are overt; I especially like it when they're overt on days when my brain and body are both pooped out by 9 AM, which was most definitely the case today.

I had trouble falling asleep to begin with, and then cat got the day started by begging for food in foghorn mode long before the sun broke the horizon. Then there was a relatively early phone interview, followed by the usual school drop-offs. And then there was Starbucks. It was, fortunately, fairly quiet there this morning, so Brady and I sat in our chairs and sipped our respective drinks.

At one point, I looked over at him and he exclaimed 'hey look, a cross!' And I remembered. With Easter approaching, I should be remembering and reflecting on the cross more often, so his unprompted exclamation was a much-needed reminder to focus during the days to come.

Monday, March 14, 2016

March 14

Sometimes --most of the time, really-- attitude is almost everything.

Brady was still feverish this morning, so after we dropped Abby and Isaac at school, I called the doctor's office, and we were fortunate to get a morning appointment. Although he was feeling poorly --and the final diagnosis wound up being strep-- he still tried to be cheery. I took this photo as we waited for the doctor --who was running half an hour behind schedule-- and he asked to see it. He giggled when I complied, and exclaimed "Hey, Big Bird photobombed me!"

Rather than being mad at the doctor for being late or cranky over being sick, Brady decided to grin and bear it. That reminder to chill out and look for the gems among the rocks --and to feel gratitude upon finding said gems-- was a great little lesson for me.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

March 13

Brady hasn't felt well for the past few days. He spiked a fever yesterday and has been tired and very low-key ever since.

Given that my kiddos are getting older and a wee bit more independent each day, it was a blessing to me to be able to "mommy" him a little more than usual today; to sit with his head against my chest, stroking his hair and touching his sweet cheeks. The ability to bring a little comfort to someone else is a priceless gift. (PS -- This is an awful photo of me. Awful. Avert your gaze to the cute, sleeping boy.)

Saturday, March 12, 2016

March 12

Skies that threatened rain at any moment curtailed our usual walk for the day, so we played Clue instead.

Isaac was the default winner of round one --in which Abby didn't play, just observed-- after both Adam and I made incorrect guesses (thanks to a card that wasn't revealed by an unnamed participant). The Adam/Brady tandem them took the second and third rounds.

Were there disagreements? Yes. Was it a perfect experience? No, not according to the conventional definition of "perfect." But hanging out with my fam is about as close to perfection --and to Heaven, really-- as I'm going to get, I think. So I'll take it, even if someone forgot to tell me s/he had that darned wrench!

Friday, March 11, 2016

March 11

As an at-home mom, I spend quite a lot of time with the kiddos. As the primary breadwinner, Adam doesn't have that same luxury, so it was quite amusing to see him enjoy a few laughs with Abby this evening after we got home from our dance class.

I can't remember how it came up, but we started talking about the Budweiser "Whassup?" ads and then before I knew it, Adam and Abby were sitting together on the couch watching them on his laptop. It made my heart smile to see them having fun together, because there's nothing quite like those dad/child relationships.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

March 10

Adam's birthday is today, so we are, once again, the same age. One of our traditions involves an adult baking a cake --usually a box mix!-- and the kiddos doing the decorating once it's been frosted. We stuck with that tradition today.

After I wrote the happy birthday message on the cake (which was carrot with cream cheese frosting), the kiddos went to town with sprinkles and colored sugar. And, courtesy of Brady, M&Ms.

Traditions are comforting: they let us make new memories while experiencing very distinctive remembrances of years gone by. Given our circumstances, those memories are treasures.

Happy birthday, hunny!

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

March 9

I see quite a lot of myself in my daughter some days.

This evening I took said-child to the honor roll social at her school. The gym was packed with parents and kids. Abby stepped inside and immediately turned on her heel to leave. I told her that no, we were going to stay, but I felt for her, because when I was her age, I hated big crowds. I hated watching all of the kids running to and fro with their flavor-of-the-month BFFs in tow. I just wasn't comfortable with craziness, and I know she's not, either.

So she stuck it out. She got her certificate, lined up for the 4.0 picture, and got in line for a cookie. I saw her say hi to a few kids, but she's a quiet one, and I knew she was ready to go. She wasn't terribly keen on the idea, but my friend insisted on taking this picture of us. Now, a few hours later, I'm glad she did, because I don't think I'll ever have too many photos with my girl who is, at her core, pretty much just like her mom was 26 years ago. Though I'm far from perfect, it helps me understand her perspective a bit better, and when you're dealing with a pre-teen, that's definitely a blessing.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

March 8

Adam had a late phone call this evening, so when it came time for Brady to head off to bed, Isaac volunteered to read him a story. I agreed, but went along just to make sure they wouldn't wind up bouncing on the bed or smacking each other with the makeshift light sabres I figure they've constructed and hidden somewhere upstairs.

Beyond how sweet it was to see them sitting with their little heads together, I was also struck by how far Isaac has come with reading. A few years ago, he struggled with basic speech. Then not all that long ago, he was sounding out basic words. And now he reads text with expression and seems to really enjoy telling stories.

It's amazing to realize how quickly we grow and change.

Monday, March 7, 2016

March 7

I realized this morning that I'd need a copy of Brady's birth certificate in order to register him for kindergarten later this week. I was less than amused, since I assumed it meant that I'd need to drive to the county recorder's office in Oakland to get a copy. So I did what I often do and aired my complaint on Facebook. But this time, a friend chimed in with an extremely welcome and surprising solution to my problem.

Unbeknownst to me (and almost everyone in the general area), a satellite clerk's office opened late last year in the next town over. So I went by this morning and was in and out with my prize in less than five minutes. Problem solved. Stressful situation defused. Week started on a sweeter note that expected. And best of all, un-uttered prayer answered, thanks in part to a friend who was paying attention. It's a good reminder to me to always be looking for ways I can bless others.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

March 6

The kiddos had some quality Uncle-time this morning before church.

I just watched while they looked through a book together, but the view was good for my heart. For better or worse, God puts us into families, and it's a good feeling when I get to see people who share my roots.

March 6

With the exception of our typically biennial Christmas trips back to Maryland, my kids see very little of my family. So it was nice when my younger brother Charlie and his partner Alexi contacted me to see if we'd be up for a visit this weekend. They came by this evening at dinner time, ate with us, and played My Little Pony and looked at baseball cards with the kiddos (guess which ones). Then after the kids went to bed, we chatted the until nearly midnight.

At a few months fewer than three years my junior, Charlie is pretty easily one of the most important people from my childhood days, so it's always a blessing to have the chance to see him and talk about old times. So tonight, I'm thankful for the opportunity, and for the rain that's currently pit-patting against my window pane!

Friday, March 4, 2016

March 4

This will sound weird. I know it will. But the truth is, sometimes I struggle with letting my kids be themselves. Sometimes, I'm so desperate to see Logan in them that I nudge them to make choices that I think he would've made if he'd had the chance. And this is where I talk about the bunnies.

Six years ago, Logan took the bunnies in this photo to Noah's Ark Day at preschool. I have a photo of him cuddling them during circle time; when I close my eyes, I can see the scene quite clearly. So on Monday, when Brady told me that he'd need to bring a pair of animals to school today, I immediately retrieved these bunnies and asked if he wanted to use them. He hedged a little. I know very well that he's a bear-boy; he loves his Bear Bear, and I had an inkling that he'd want to take a pair of bears. I told him that Logan had used the bunnies, and after a pause, he said okay.

But then this morning, he quietly fetched Bear Bear and another teddy bear, and announced that he might want to use them instead of the bunnies. For a moment, I was sad, but then I reminded myself that Brady isn't Logan, and that I should be thankful that they're two different and wonderful little boys. He said he wanted to take both pairs to school and make a decision when we got there.

Of course, he chose the bears. I always figured he would, but I felt another jolt of sadness as the door to the minivan closed with the bunnies inside.

But then Brady's friend James arrived. He'd forgotten to bring his own animals, so I offered to loan him the bunnies, and he accepted.

So Logan's bunnies made their way into the classroom for Noah's Ark Day after all. It wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind, but it made my heart --and James-- happy. And that's an all-around beautiful thing.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

March 3

The Ladies' Ministry at church dropped off a basket yesterday that included a cute little teapot, teacup, and saucer; an assortment of teas; a rose; some little treats; and a journal. A blessing basket, of sorts. Abby saw it, and immediately asked if we were having a tea party, so tonight, just before she headed off to bed, we had one.

She kept telling me that she didn't really know how to behave during a tea party, and I kept telling her it was fine and that I'm not exactly an old pro myself. So we drank our tea and ate our cookies and petit fours. And beyond that, we had girl-time. So tonight, I'm thankful that these lovely ladies --while spreading the love of Jesus to me-- created a reason for me to have some girl time with my favorite girl.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

March 2

During Isaac's baseball practice this evening, Abby played with her friend, T. T is actually in Isaac's class, but she and Abby are very similar people, so they've always gotten along quite well.

T brings out a fun side of Abby; the side of her that ruled supreme when Logan was with us that's lay mostly dormant since he passed on. She's certainly not Logan --no one will ever take his place in Abby's heart-- but for those glimpses of what was (and what will be again one day), and for the fun these two girls have right now, I'm thankful.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

March 1

Brady doesn't have school on Tuesdays, so we took it easy today. We dropped Abby and Isaac off at school, and then came home for a little while so I could catch up on some work and he could continue playing with dinosaur figures. Then we hit the park for a little while. And then this evening, I took them all to swimming, where Brady earned a ribbon.

There's really no special lesson here. Today was just another day, and our activities were of our standard Tuesday ilk. But as I've written before, those little moments --those small achievements-- are all blessings, despite their lack of glitz and glam. So for the fabulously mundane moments of my beautifully mundane life, I'm thankful.