Sunday, April 30, 2017

April 30

I woke up feeling sad; Logan's "re-birthday" is later this week and though I hadn't really actively processed it, the nearing of the date pressed on my heart (as it has every year). And then a brutal headache set in that plagued me for much of the day. So when I sat down to write, I was pretty sure I hadn't taken any photos today. But I was wrong, because I did take one. This one:

While Adam and the Little Boys headed south to have a broken cell phone repaired, Abby and I went to Target for some window shopping therapy. As we wandered through the girls' department, Abby sifted through the racks in search of the most interesting items she could find. And this, of course, was among the most interesting of all. She asked me to take a pic, so I did.

I guess this is probably a carbon copy of yesterday's remarks, but this girl is my favorite girl on the planet. She's smart, multitalented, and funny, and when she's not being a sassy pre-teen, she truly does make my life infinitely better. And that is a blessing that's as bright as a neon yellow mini skirt.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

April 29

Given my life experience and how I know that being negative doesn't really help, I try to be as glass-is-half-full as I can. But I haven't had the most fun couple of days. I guess I'd sum it up by saying that I'm tired. My mind is tired and my heart is tired. And there are plenty of ways in which I'd like to just stop trying, but I know that wouldn't be productive --or particularly helpful-- so I did something this evening that's historically lifted my mood a bit: I walked with my girl. As she's gotten older, I've found that I can tell her more and more of what's eating me, so I told her that I'm feeling tired and unappreciated and like I want to step back and not do as much in the future. She listened, which is really all I wanted someone to do. And then, as we headed back to the house, we got a little silly (as is our custom).

We both spied a rather loaf-y kitty in a driveway, so we stopped to summon said loaf-cat to us. Kitty complied, meowing and swishing her tail, but she refused to let us pet her. Instead, she trotted a few steps ahead, and at one point, she crossed the street. Abby instinctively pulled on her imaginary leash, which made me laugh. And this image was born.

It didn't fix all that ails me, but it was a start. And sometimes, a start has to be good enough.

Friday, April 28, 2017

April 28

Adam was in Munich on business this week, so I've been flying solo. I was up too last night berating myself for a handful of missteps, so by the time this morning rolled around, I was pretty mentally tired. But a quick peek inside Brady's backpack saved the day.

Since my kids go to public school, I'm guessing this is a "Spring Egg," but my eye was immediately drawn to the golden spot in the center: the cross. Brady drew a cross on his egg.

I mess up every single day. Whether the screw-up is in the form of being excessively sharp with one (or more) of my children or impatient with a driver who's moving a little too slowly (or too quickly) for my taste or speaking before fully analyzing the impact of my words, one thing is for sure: I'm going to make some sort of error. But as Brady's egg reminds me, I have the cross. And I'm endlessly thankful that the cross trumps the mess that is so often me.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

April 27

Brady and I watched a snail travel a foot across our driveway this morning. (I know. Glamorous.)

It was a lovely day out and we had some time to use up before kindergarten, so I encouraged him to crouch down and observe the little guy as he moved along. It actually was quite interesting; he worked and worked and made very little progress --it actually took seven minutes and 30 seconds to travel those 12 inches-- but he just kept creeping along.

I definitely feel like a snail sometimes; like I'm working harder than my outward accomplishments might indicate. But also like Mr. Snail, I try to keep moving even when the path isn't entirely clear or obvious. I have many (many, many) flaws, but I'm thankful that God gave me a sense of stick-to-it'iveness.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

April 26

Yep, this is another baseball post. It's been a very baseball-y week.

Isaac's team played again today. It was their third game in five days, so honestly, I didn't have high expectations because that's a lot of ball for a bunch of eight and nine-year olds. But they surprised me. They didn't win --far from it, really-- but it was totally obvious that they were having fun, and some of that fun translated to good at-bats. And much of the fun originated with these two goofballs:

I wound up being the Adult Game Coordinator by default, so I spent the game in the dugout. As is often the case during after-school games, the boys were quiet during the first inning, so I pushed them to pay attention and cheer for each other. And then Aiden (who is on the left, next to Isaac) took the reigns. And let me tell you something: the "little but mighty" moniker definitely defines this kid. He and Isaac --and eventually, the other boys-- cheered every teammate who came up to the plate for the rest of the game.

They may not end the season with a winning record, but if they can approach every game left with this kind of good cheer, they'll definitely be winners in my book.

(Incidentally, in case you wondered --family, I'm looking in your direction-- Isaac had two hits and struck out three batters, which earned him the game ball.)

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

April 25

Sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed, I just go ahead and throw the kitchen sink into the mix. That's kind of what I did when I volunteered to go on Isaac's field trip this morning. It was a simple enough trip: just a quick drive downtown, a stop at the Museum on Main Street to hear about town history, and then an easy walking tour that featured several historical buildings. This is our little group:

I've been on all of the third grade field trips this year, so I've been gifted with the opportunity to get to know several of the kids in Isaac's class, including these two boys, A and P. Simply put, they crack me up. They're intelligent and ask thoughtful questions, and --for the most part!-- they listen to direction and don't act like hooligans (though we did have our moments during today's expedition).

It seems like Abby was in the third grade just yesterday so I know the next several years will fly by, too. It's a blessing to be able to share fun "extra" days with all of my kids.

Monday, April 24, 2017

April 24

I didn't sleep well overnight and had a headache from the moment I turned off my alarm clock, so I had low expectations for today. But in spite of my negative outlook, this particular Monday wasn't bad at all: I got some work done, went to Isaac's 'Take Your Parent to PE' day at school (and will no doubt pay for that little act of love tomorrow morning), and watched Isaac's team win a game this evening while chatting it up with a friend. All good things. So it's not really surprising to me that I wasn't sure what to write about this evening. But then Abby showed me this:

It's an excerpt from the book she read for her Individual Reading project in Language Arts this quarter. I have something of a big mouth so it's hard to render me speechless, but this particular exchange between the characters --and in particular, the paragraph toward the center of the image-- managed to accomplish the feat.

After collecting my thoughts, I croaked "Profound." Abby nodded (and after I confirmed the meaning of said word), so she said "It's almost like I can hear Logan saying it."

I can, too. He may not have been with us nearly long enough, but he made every second count. And I'm thankful that this random bit of dialogue --spoken by a character named Logan-- is around to remind me of the truth that though his race was short, it was run with a tremendous amount of heart.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

April 23

Any day that involves meeting a new baby is a good day, I think.

Adam's cousin Amanda and her husband welcomed baby Reece back in February. They live in New York so we don't get to see them often, but they were here this weekend, so her parents held an open house. We couldn't stay long because of other commitments, but it was so nice to meet --and hold!-- the littlest guy, and to chat with family for a short while.

Having relatives nearby is such a blessing, even if you don't see them as often as you might like!

Saturday, April 22, 2017

April 22

We had a scary moment during Isaac's baseball game this morning.

Moments after the coach subbed in a new catcher, the batter for the other team took a Herculean swing that, quite unfortunately, wound up whacking our new little catcher in the arm.

The next moments were a confusing blur of Will dropping to the ground and writhing in pain, the coach and one of the other dads rushing to his side, and a whole lot of concern from around the diamond. I'm the Team Mom so I got up to check on the extent of the injury --which was termed a possible fracture by a doc on-hand-- and then went out to the outfield where much of my family was seated to share what was going on at the plate.

As I turned to head back to the bleachers, I noticed that Isaac's entire team had taken a knee on the field. In the moment, my mind was far too busy so I didn't think to take a pic, but the gesture made my eyes mist over.

I'm sure someone probably told them to do it, but there was just something so sweet about seeing all of those little boys down on their little knees as the grown-ups helped their injured friend and teammate. A straight-up gesture of kindness and respect is a beautiful thing.

Friday, April 21, 2017

April 21

None of our kids are outrageously reckless, but Brady is the biggest daredevil (by a lot).

As I watched him scooter his way home from school this afternoon (at times, at a rate of speed that made my pulse quicken), I remembered what it was like to ride my bike as a kid; the thrill of feeling my stomach flip-flop as the path underneath me rose and fell and rose again. Back then, it was exhilarating; now, it's a bit nauseating. And I rather suddenly realized that at some point, something changed.

Could be age. Could be perspective. Could be one of many different things. But today, it was a blessing to see Brady embracing one of the simple joys of childhood.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

April 20

I didn't have a standout moment today. It's kind of frustrating when that happens, because at day's end when I'm trying to write, I wind up wondering if there really were no standout moments, or if I simply missed them because I wasn't paying attention. With that said, this is one of the few pics I did take:

While we waited for Isaac's baseball game to start, Brady (and BearBear) trolled the bleachers. I took the pic because he asked me to, but now that I look at it, I realize that it's a blessing that he's old enough that I can take my eyes off him for a minute and not worry that he's going to hurt himself. And given how many years I spent on high-alert, the slightly-lowered level of required awareness is a blessing.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

April 19

Isaac and Brady sometimes dance around the house in hold. (Or in their version of "hold." It's highly suspect.) I have no idea why, but it cracks me up every single time.

Life is hard sometimes. At least, I know it's hard for me (and pretty much everyone I know, but I can't speak for the entire planet). So these humorous, lighthearted moments provide much-needed breaks from what are often difficult realities. And that's a very good thing indeed.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

April 18

I had a lovely time at lunch with a friend today, but rather than sharing about that experience --because I could totally do that-- I'll just touch on a portion of it.

Her birthday was a few weeks ago, so I plunked a little gift down on the table for her, but I wasn't expecting her to do the same for me:

I know, a tube of mascara. It seems entirely random. But it wasn't. We'd been discussing the merits of waterproof mascara for months; I kept saying that I should get some, but was waiting to use the last of the non-waterproof tube I already had.

What she didn't know was that yesterday, I all-but finished the last of that tube: there wasn't much left, and what was left had gotten to that kind of "yuck" phase. Afterward, during my Target run with Abby, I was all set to replace it, but my arms were too full of other stuff --since I'm incredibly stubborn and will.not use a cart when I shop there-- so after a quick glance in the appropriate aisle, I said "never mind; I'll just get it another day."

Kind of funny, right? I thought so. I love it when God gives us friends to fill in the blanks, even when the blanks are made for completely silly little things. (And knowing that your friends think of you sometimes when you're apart? That's kind of nice, too.)

Monday, April 17, 2017

April 17

Brady's prayer pal from church --who happens to live right around the corner-- invited both boys to have lunch and play some card games at her house this afternoon, which left Abby and I on our own. With baseball in full-swing, we haven't really had the chance to take our customary lazy Saturday afternoon shopping excursions, so it was a good thing indeed.

We didn't do much: just went to Target and then to lunch at Red Tractor, but it was good to have some time to just be one on one with her. I dared her to wear a big, bright red poofy tutu and she actually did, which provided plenty of conversation-fodder during our light-hearted time together.

Of course I get frustrated with her at times --she is on the brink of teenager-hood-- but I'm loving that she still wants to spend time with me.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

April 16

Once upon a time, Easter centered around a frilly new dress, the insanely good chocolate peanut butter eggs that my grandma made, and a basket containing a new book and some candy. Now don't get me wrong: I grew up in a Christian home and can't pinpoint a specific date when it really clicked that Jesus saved me. But I know when the resurrection became real to me: February 11, 2012. The day that Jesus' promise to deliver Logan from his sin was fulfilled.

Although I'd trade just about anything to have him back with us, I live because of Easter. I get up every morning and rejoice in the sunshine or the rain because of Easter. I get dressed, take the kids to school, and complete work assignments because of Easter. I'm goofy and sarcastic and often upbeat because of Easter. I enjoy time with my friends because of Easter. I get through most days without shedding tears over what I've lost because of Easter. I know that though I can't see or hug or watch Logan grow up, he's safe, and he's safe because of Easter.

I can do these things because Easter gave me --and Logan and all who name Christ as Lord-- life everlasting and the promise of a future beyond what I can see and smell and hear and touch and understand. And for that blessing, I am --and will continue to be-- eternally thankful.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

April 15

It was a really nice day that began with lunch and, shortly after, Brady's tball game. Then Isaac's team won their baseball game after all of the boys played well. (Isaac went 2-for-3 and had some good defensive plays.) They've had their struggles of late, so it made my heart happy to see them smile and genuinely celebrate the little things they did well. Later, Adam and I had a chance to go out to dinner on our own, and we ended the day by dyeing Easter eggs.

Well, to be accurate, I boiled the eggs, set up the dye and the dyeing station at the coffee table, and then the kiddos dyed the eggs. (Details, details.) Like the Easter Bunny picture, it's one of our Easter traditions and they'd been looking forward to it all week.

I can remember way back when, when Logan was right there with them making a mess with the dye and cackling and having a good time as he so often did. I wish with everything in me that he was still here to entertain us once again, but the memories make me smile. And for now, the memories have to be enough.

Friday, April 14, 2017

April 14

Let me tell you: the road to this photo was paved with discontent. I'll start from the beginning.

A few days ago, Brady --in a near-panic-- asked when Easter would be. I told him, and he expressed an urgent need to see the Easter Bunny. (He knows the real meaning of Easter; a visit to Bun E. Rabbit has just always been one of our traditions.) So I abandoned my half-hatched plan to ditch the activity this year and made a mental note that today would be the day. I just didn't tell anyone. In hindsight, that was probably a mistake.

Brady took the news quite well, but Isaac and Abby... oh, Isaac. And. Abby. Isaac's consternation came first: he ranted and raged and shed tears all the way from the elementary school to the middle school. It was, in a nutshell, a World War-esque kind of tantrum that he anointed with a fresh batch of big, salty tears. (All of this even though he actually wanted to see the big bunny. Yeah. I don't get it, either.)

Never one to be outdone, Abby closed the car door and turned to me when I told her of the plan --her eyes alight with teenagerish angst-- and sputtered But what if someone from school sees me? (I know. The mortification.)

When we got home, I told them to change into "nice clothes." They did so with varying degrees of success. (Widely varying.) Abby, who knows how much I value these silly pictures, complied nicely by donning a spring-y dress. Check. Isaac did okay with his golf shirt. Slightly smaller check, but still a check. But Brady, oh my Brady: when he appeared in the family room wearing his Hawaiian shirt, athletic shorts, and Ninja Turtle slip-ons, part of me died inside. How are these nice clothes? I wondered to myself. On what planet are those NICE CLOTHES?! I wanted to scream at him, but I didn't.

With images of them saying cheese in their little three-piece suits tugging at my memory, I came this.close to sending the boys back upstairs to change. But I didn't. Instead, I said nothing. I even let out a stifled laugh --that this-isn't-really-that-funny-but-I-feel-like-I'm-so-close-to-the-edge-that-I'll-lose-it-if-I-don't-laugh kind of laugh-- as I ushered them out to the car, and that was it. And this is our Easter Bunny picture for this year.

It really pissed me off to have my plan disrupted. I like my perfect holiday images; I like seeing them in their nice clothes, hamming it up and looking good. Not perfect --because I know there's no such thing in this all-too human, all-too broken world-- but good. But you know something surprising? In spite of its "imperfections" --the shorts, the messy hair-- I kind of like this picture anyway. It's real. And a nice dose of "real" is a very good thing for me sometimes. After all, nothing will truly be "perfect" until we get to Heaven anyway.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

April 13

I'm generally pretty tired by the time Thursday rolls around, and today fit the usual mold. So after we dropped Isaac and Abby at school this morning, Brady (and BearBear) and I came home and had some rest-and-cuddle time on the couch.

I'm very conscious of the fact that my extra time with him is drawing to a close; seven short weeks from tomorrow, he'll finish kindergarten. Then in mid-August, he'll move on to full-day school for the first time ever.

I could be sad, but instead I'll slow the clock a bit --if only in my mind-- and enjoy these mornings while they last. After all... as Lightning McQueen learned, fast is good, but it isn't always better.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

April 12

I stood next to this tree for a few minutes at baseball practice this afternoon. At some point, I turned and caught a glimpse of it, and something about its bark --its uniformly tattered trappings-- caught my eye. So I snapped a pic and made a mental note to think on it more later.

I think that the reality is that I feel kind of like this tree at times: like I'm worn out and falling apart. I had a few unexpected gut-check moments today that forced me to swallow waves of emotion that threatened to pull me under. And those moments are, simplistically put, taxing in a way that I can't really fully define. In my case, I guess I look okay on the outside, but on the more difficult days when reality is too strong, I feel tattered on the inside.

But the good thing? Underneath the worn out outer layer is a fresh, new layer of "skin," so one day, all will be well again.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

April 11

Although the passage of time isn't as acutely painful as it was a few years ago, I'm usually conscious of when another 11th of the month rolls around. And there have now been 62 11ths since Logan flew away Home.

Despite that rather sobering bit of 411, I can honestly say that it was a good day sprinkled with genuinely enjoyable moments that still make me laugh a little when I think back on them. Still, even as I settled into my spot on the couch this evening, I had no idea what to write... until Brady came downstairs a little while ago.

This kiddo of mine loves crafting and creating, so I wasn't terribly surprised to see that he'd drawn on a pair of paper plates. As he flipped them over, he offered an explanation: he'd created a star, just because he thought it would be a good idea, and Lightning McQueen. For Logan.

I looked over at Adam and his expression mirrored the one I could feel in my own heart. I love that Brady loves his biggest brother. He may not have gotten the chance to know him in this life, but I'm thankful that one day, they'll meet again face-to-face.

Monday, April 10, 2017

April 10

This is an accurate illustration of many afternoons at my house:

It goes something like this: child C urges Child D to stuff himself into something small (and ostensibly uncomfortable). Child D complies and then flashes his biggest smile and asks me to take a picture. While I retrieve my phone, Children C and A, who have been lurking all along, get ready to photobomb Child D's requested image. They execute said photobomb with a high degree of excellence, and Child D gets mad and requests that I try again. So I do, again and again, and Children A and C again dive into the frame again and again --despite my insistence that they just-stop-it-already-and-let-me-take-the-dang-picture-- until I'm finally, at long last, able to capture the coveted shot. It's kind of exhausting.

But in many ways, that's just life. We work hard to establish the perfect scene and strive to take the perfect picture, but something unexpected almost always winds up in the frame. But you know what? That's totally okay, because sometimes, the very best photos of all feature people, places, and experiences that we never imagined. And ironically, sometimes those big, unexpected surprises wind up being the perfect additions to our photos and make the entire album infinitely better and more complete.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

April 9

There was a picnic and Easter egg hunt after church today. As one of the 'older kids', Abby was assigned a 'little kid' to help during the hunt since the eggs contained candy and written instructions (eg, "jump up and down" or "sing 'Jesus Loves Me'" or "share this with someone who has fewer eggs than you"). After the dust settled, she wound up working with Zoe.

I watched them as they collected eggs and had two thoughts. Firstly, I was struck by how much Zoe reminds me of Abby at age 5. She has those ringlets down her back just like Abby did back then, and as it happens, after talking with her mom, I discovered that their birthdays are just a day apart. And secondly, I was struck by how grown-up my little girl really is. It's obvious physically, since she's just a few inches shorter than me and I'm not particularly short, but as I watched her, I realized that she's also mentally mature. I'm not sure when she did so much growing up, but she did it. And it's pretty amazing.

It's a blessing to watch the kids grow up, and it's not one I'll ever take for granted. Even as I mourn the oft too-fast passage of time, my soul will still sing a song of thanksgiving because I know what it's like to not watch a child grow up.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

April 8

Today Abby and I took a truncated version of our customary Saturday afternoon window shopping trip. I think we're both still pretty tired from vacation (oh, the irony) and I didn't really need much at the store, so there wasn't really a reason to hop from one place to another. When we got home, Brady was eager to show me these (as we as a pretty amazing "robotic dog" made from toilet paper rolls, a granola bar box, and a chicken nugget box -- it was pretty wow):

Check out that cutting and coloring! But more importantly, I love that he loves Cars. I'm not sure that anyone will ever love it as much as Logan did, but it means so very much to me that the franchise holds a place in Brady's little heart.

Friday, April 7, 2017

April 7

After a week in Southern California, we had breakfast and then headed home this morning. But before we really hit the road, we stopped by my brother Charlie's place in Los Angeles for a quick visit.

When we were kids, Charlie and I were, in many ways, best frenemies. We spent plenty of time making up stories and playing games and riding bikes and putting on plays for anyone willing to watch, and also plenty of time bickering (like siblings often do) and getting on each others' nerves. As adults living in different places and leading different lives, our paths don't cross often, so I try to take advantage of opportunities for in-person visits.

So we sat and talked a little, and he managed to convince one of his two cats (Needles) to let us pet him. And then it was time for us to begin our trip home.

I guess I don't have any big insights to share; only the obvious truth that family is a blessing. I know those relationships can be taxing at time, but in the long run, the connections are so often worth the effort.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

April 6

Today was our fourth and final Disney day, so I took a lot of photos as we zoomed from one ride to the next, trying to cram in as much activity as possible while we still could.

I didn't have a specific a-ha moment, rather a bunch of small ones --too many to count, really-- that made it a blessed day. There was the way Brady enthusiastically talked through the Winnie the Pooh ride and how Isaac managed to cover himself with ice cream from the Cozy Cone, and how, when we stood in line waiting to ride the Radiator Springs Racers one more time, I couldn't help but think 'Logan would love this' over and over and over again. I guess you might think that realization would make me sad, but it doesn't because I'm never sad to be in a place where memories of him come rushing to the forefront of my mind.

So yeah, that's it for today. Nothing really profound. Just a reminder to put down the busy work and savor the moments with family and friends because once the seconds tick away, you can't get them back.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

April 5

It's not every day that a girl gets to help one of her besties celebrate her 13th birthday. It's really not every day that the celebrating happens at Disneyland, so Abby was thrilled to be able to do just that for Hannah today. (There will be multiple children displeased by the use of this image, but eh, it's my blog. I can do what I want.)

Like I said, Hannah was one of Abby's in-person best friends before her family moved down to southern CA. Abby was sad when she left, but she was super happy to see her again today. They got to chat, be goofy, ride the swings in CA Adventure (several times), and take a roller coaster ride (which, incidentally, was a first for both Hannah and her brother). (Big Thunder. Some were more pleased than others with the experience, but I was greatly amused by the whole thing.) Then we closed out their time together with the big fireworks show over Cinderella's castle.

It's definitely hard when friends move away, but I feel so blessed that Abby and Hannah have managed to stay close despite the distance. Good friends can be hard to find, and I'm thankful that they "found" one another all those years ago.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

April 4

I hem and haw over which images I should use while we're on vacation. It's kind of rare to have a single, standout moment (among a hodgepodge of potentially standout moments) that truly outshines the others. But today, I'm going to buck my own collage trend and post just one.

As we stood in line to meet Minnie Mouse at her Toon Town home this morning, Adam and I must've had the same thought at virtually the same time: about eight years ago, as we waited in that very same spot to see Minnie, I snapped a photo of Abby, Logan, and Isaac all sitting together on the curb. So today, we took a modified version of that shot.

It's not perfect. To be perfect, Logan would need to be there next to Abby holding Lambie, and Isaac would need to be smiling for real (instead of gritting his teeth while suffering through a temper flare-up). But on the bright side, Brady --who missed out on the original version-- is there.

Things don't have to be perfect to be good, which is a relief since I'm probably not going to do anything perfectly for a long, long time.

April 3

I think it's fair to say that we approached our first-ever visit to Cars Land with equal parts anticipation and trepidation. After all, it's become something of a silent and powerful yet untouched force in our world since it opened several years ago, partly because Logan loved all-things Cars with ardent dedication, and partly because it was supposed to be the destination for his Make-a-Wish trip. The request was granted. It was supposed to happen. We were supposed to get see his eyes glow as he rode the rides and met Red the Fire Engine and checked out Radiator Springs. But of course, we didn't get those moments. So it was hard to go without him --so hard that we managed to avoid it all this time-- but it was also unfair to deny another big Cars fan --Brady-- the chance to see some of his favorite "actors" in the flesh. So today, we decided, was the day.

While Adam waited in the fast pass line for the wildly popular Radiator Springs Racers, I took the kiddos --and Lambie, who escaped the backpack to be part of the action-- to our first ride of the day: Mater's Junkyard Jamboree. I had serious misgivings over not waiting for Adam, especially given the weight of being there in that place Logan would've loved so much for the first time, but he insisted we go, so we did. And wouldn't you know it, just as we were ushered into position to board the ride, Adam appeared and was able to join us after all.

A few things stood out to me as I watched my family today. One was the look of wonder on *Adam's* face as we walked along Route 66. "This is perfect," he breathed. And I had to agree. Another was how careful Abby was to make sure Lambie was always included. And a third was how Brady watched with great interest as DJ appeared in the street and led a late-afternoon dance party. We were in line to see Red at the time so we didn't join in, but I had flashbacks to the time Logan unabashedly danced to the music from the Main Street parade. Different, of course, but a reminder that there is so much of him in all of us.

And that little nugget of truth is of infinite value to me.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

April 2

It seemed appropriate to take this photo because without this place --this building-- the three of them (and Logan) may never have come into existence. Dramatic, I know, but kind of true.

We spent part of today showing them around our college campus. As Adam noted during our unofficial tour, we first came into contact with one another in Bauer Center, where we shared our freshman lit class nearly 21 years ago. (I audibly gasped when I wrote that out. Really? Twenty-one years ago?) Of course, we didn't start dating until a year after that initial meeting and a lot happened on the path between Point A and Point B, but this place is an integral part of our story. So of course, it holds a special place in my heart.

Beyond that, this particular fountain holds a special place in my heart. When we visited about eight years ago, Isaac wasn't yet a year old, Logan was two, and Abby was four. Since we had our hands full, we worked overtime to keep the two older kiddos out of the water. At one point, our attention was momentarily drawn away from Logan, and in those few precious seconds, he managed to strip off ALL of his clothes and jump into the water. I don't think I'll ever forget the first glimpse I got of that buck-naked, pasty-white little boy joyfully splish-splashing in the water. I wanted to be mad at him for not listening, but that carefree exuberance won me over (as it did many times in the years that followed). The story has earned virtual folklore status in our family, so being able to show Brady --who had never been to Claremont-- where It happened was a big deal.

It's a blessing to be able to look back --and to re-tread the paths we once walked-- now and then.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

April 1

Today we attended the memorial service for Adam's Uncle Lane, who passed away a few weeks ago. Lane was the husband of my Mother-in-Law's sister Susan, and though Adam and I have been a thing for nearly two decades, we'd only seen him a handful of times over the years.

So I knew a few things about him, but I learned a lot more. I learned that he had something of a tough start in this life and that his tough start compelled him to devote the rest of his days to seeing to the needs of his family. (Which he did quite well.) I also learned that he was a man of great faith. As I silently remembered laying Logan's spent little body to rest five years ago, all I could think was "thank God that this life --this battered, broken, imperfect, oft-painful life-- is not the end-all, be-all of our existence."

Afterward, we headed to Susan's home for a get-together (and that's where we snapped this pic). Food, family, and fun for the kids, who got to see their second cousins for the first time in quite a long while. (Honestly, it may well have been the first time Isaac and Brady had ever seen the two boys. Not so for Abby, because there's a sweet photo of her and Andrew --who is 13-- sitting in a chair together from Thanksgiving 2005. It's one of those things us moms like to bring up to tease the younguns a bit.)

Anyway, just some rambling thoughts for today. If I can offer up a bit of wisdom, it's this: don't let challenging or painful circumstances deceive you into doubting God. Uncle Lane had every right to do just that, but he didn't, and now, he's no doubt enjoying his reward.