January 31

It was a busy Wednesday, with lots of activity for me, Isaac's first baseball practice of the season, and Abby's dance class. But I started it out on a great note by having brunch with these ladies:

Amy, Michelle, Valerie, and I have been getting together for brunch for several years now, ever since our younger boys --because between us, we have a total of nine boys and one girl-- were in preschool. It's just so relaxing to sit and talk with them because we know one another quite well, and there's nothing hard or awkward or stressful about being together.

Given that relationships aren't always uncomplicated, I really value my time with them.

January 30

I took Abby to her Youth Group meeting tonight and went to the grocery store. By the time I got home, the Little Boys had already been put to bed (which just means they were upstairs. Definitely not sleeping because haha, they're nightowls just like their mama). I went up to say goodnight, and it made my heart happy to find them like this:

Sure, they were enjoying some screen time, which isn't exactly an ideal. I wish I'd found them reading instead. But seeing them cuddled up together always makes me feel blessed. I'm far from a perfect parent, but God made them to be sweet, loving boys in spite of my shortcomings. And I get to watch them grow.

January 29

There's something about this sign at the park near the school that's enticing to the short people. It always has been; I have pictures of Abby and her elementary school buddies in this very spot that date back a good eight years. So I wasn't surprised when Brady and his friends hopped on top for a quick pic today.

When I think back on my own early elementary years, my memories are shadowy: I kind of remember the other kids, but I'd be hard-pressed to remember anything specific, and since we didn't walk around with cell phone cameras, photos are decidedly scarce. So to me, it's a blessing to know that down the line, my kiddos will be able to look back at these pictures and remember their younger days through a clearer lens than I have available for myself.

January 28

I'm not sure what inspired him, but Brady made me a little card today. The front features a smiley face and some hearts, and the back simply looks like this:

All other circumstances aside, it's always a good day when someone tells you that you're loved. After all, when everything else fades away, that's the one thing that will remain.

January 27

I (well, I think I) closed out my 40th birthday celebrations today with tea. Nikki set it all up, and the two of us plus six other friends met up at the English Rose for some treats and chat time this afternoon.

I really, truly have awesome friends. These ladies --and others who weren't present today but mean a lot to me-- are such amazing people: kind, funny, generous, understanding, and forgiving.

Given how alone and isolated I often felt while Logan was sick and after he passed on, it's such a tremendous blessing to have these women in my life now. I may not have grown up with any of them, but I'm thankful that we're all growing older together.

January 26

This is a pretty terrible picture, but only because by the time I fumbled my phone out of my pocket, the kiddos had already strolled off. But it works.

So yeah: the Little Boys have running club on Friday afternoons, so after they check in, I go to get Abby and then bring her back with me to pick them up. Today, BearBear was in the car, so she brought him along, and the four of them walked together for a short while (and though I couldn't hear the conversation, I'm sure BearBear was quite animated since he usually is).

It made me smile to see them happily following the trail. They don't always get along, but when they do, it does my heart an immeasurable amount of good.

January 25

The weather today was weird. It started out kind of cloudy, then the sun peeked through the clouds, then it poured down rain, and then the sun came out again. I guess you could say that, in a way, it matched my mood lately: sun, clouds, downpours, rinse, repeat.

I've felt a significant amount of pressure over a few different issues of late, but the big, underlying elephant in the room is that the anniversary of Logan's passing is coming. My heart always feels it before my mind realizes what's going on, and this year is no different than those that've come before.

But the important message from today? Even after I was (literally!) pelted by hail, the sun came out. Just like the sun will come out again after that always-difficult day comes and goes.

January 24

This child.

This child of mine excels at the art of physical comedy, and she put that talent on display this evening after dance. For some reason, instead of getting out of the car after we got home, she decided to slide down into the floor of the passenger seat. And then she got stuck and neither of us could stop laughing, so she remained stuck for several minutes while we both guffawed and gasped for air and hiccuped (and I took video. Because of course I did. Hello: gold).

As I said yesterday, it's been A Week, but this girl of mine... her antics definitely lightened my mood. And that's always and forever a very good thing.

January 23

It's been a stressful week. (And it's only Tuesday. I am so excited for Wednesday and Thursday and Friday.) Without going into details --because the end stress-result remains the same-- I've spent far too much time worrying about several different issues.

As I drove back to the house after my coffee stop this morning, I gradually became aware of the lyrics of the song that was playing on the radio.

It's a newish one by David Lee Murphy and Kenny Chesney, and it basically features them saying "everything's going to be all right" over and over and over again. A nugget of truth from God's mind to their mouths to the radio to my ears. Hearing it didn't make it all better, but it did give me a few moments of respite and a chuckle, because once again, He managed to speak to me in an unexpected way. And I heard the message. And one day, everything will indeed be all right.

January 22

I am stubborn and Adam is stubborn, so it's no surprise that we came together to produce children who are... stubborn. Doubly, extra-specially stubborn, even. And this guy is perhaps the most stubborn of the lot of us:

This particular stand-off began when I told him I didn't want him to play in the sandbox after school. (It was wet. Wet sand is gross. And remarkably sticky.) He glared at me, crossed his arms across his chest, and plunked down on that bench. A friend asked him if he wanted to join the other kids on the play structure. He gave his head a curt shake - nope. Not happening. But wouldn't it be more fun to play than to just sit there? I asked. Another glare. No. (Of course not. Sitting on benches is awesome.) He sat there for a good 20 minutes, until I finally turned around (don't worry, I could still feel his beady little eyes boring into the back of my head) and pushed the ignore button. Then he got up and played.

Although stubbornness is a frustrating trait --and hello, I see lots of it from Brady in particular. He is the kid who once kept a bite of broccoli (or something equally vile) tucked into his cheek for three hours-- it's also something of a blessing in disguise because it means (or at least I sincerely hope it means) he won't be terribly susceptible to peer pressure.

And just the thought of that potential blessing makes me breathe a little easier.

January 21

Truthfully, Sunday isn't my favorite day of the week. I tend to feel increasingly restless as a given weekend winds down, so I often don't enjoy it as much as I probably should. But I did appreciate much of today, which featured church, another walk with my hunny (and yes, I do know how to spell "honey." It's a cutesy thing I do), and Starbucks-and-grocery-shopping with a friend. (And a small amount of football that I didn't care much about since I don't root for any of the teams in the mix.)

Nothing exclamation point-worthy happened, but as these balloons from my birthday dinner --which are happily gathered in my living room right now-- continue to remind me, every single day can be a day of celebration. Because when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of this life, there's always something for which we can be thankful. And for me today, those things were walks and grocery store runs and church and friends and family. And when I write it all out, it seems like quite a lot, doesn't it?

January 20

For quite a long while, our weekend walks were family affairs, but lately, more than a few have involved just Adam and me. This afternoon was of the newer ilk, as a walk-demotivated Abby offered to stay with the Little Boys, whose minds were fully enmeshed in a video game. So off we went by ourselves to traverse the neighborhood.

It was nice to just be together and talk. (Well, I talked. He mostly listened.) As we strolled, it hit me that we're in something of an in-between phase: we've moved on from the baby-and-very-young-child stage and we have a teenager, so we have significantly more freedom to go out like we did way-back-when. But our kiddos are, of course, still very much at home and very much in need of us and our (albeit sometimes questionable) wisdom.

It's an interesting place to be. But it's good. And it's a blessing that though things aren't anywhere near perfect, Adam and I are still walking together.

January 19

Way back when I was a preteen, a bunch of my friends tried to pressure me into piercing my ears. I didn't really want to so I said no -- over and over again. In fact, I bucked back against the pressure so intensely that I never bothered to do it, even when the idea started to appeal to me a few years back. But today, my friend Nikki and I went to the mall, and I finally had it done.

It didn't hurt a bit and was really easy, I like the earrings I chose, and I'll finally be able to wear some of the jewelry Logan bought for me way back when. But what's my point here? See, I'm not someone who likes change at all. I like it when things are familiar and comfortable and predictable. I'm also someone who's experienced a great deal of change in recent years, and I had no control over most of it. (And in most cases, it wasn't change that I would've chosen, if I'd been given the chance to voice an opinion.) So this was a choice I got to make for myself --without anyone else pressuring me-- that I think I'll like. So for that very small blessing, I'm thankful.

January 18

Confession: this image has very little to do with today's entry, other than featuring said entry's little star. I didn't have my phone out at 3 AM to snap a relevant shot so this one will have to do.

So yeah. Here we go. I didn't sleep particularly well last night, so I was already awake when Brady came into our room, padded up to Adam's side of the bed, and whispered 'daaaaad.' Since Adam could probably sleep through a metal concert and I was awake anyhow, I motioned for him to come to my side, and lifted the covers so he could get in. (I should stop here and say that this is not a common occurrence in our house, mostly because I cannot sleep while touching anyone else. Having a wiggly kid in the bed pretty much means I'm giving up any chance at rest.)

He quietly explained that he'd had a bad dream, and then he --and BearBear-- cuddled up against me. I laid there feeling the rise and fall of his little chest and listening to the rhythmic timbre of his breathing, and realized that even though I couldn't sleep, I was still having a pretty amazing set of moments.

After a half an hour or so had passed, I shifted slightly and he whispered "I love you," and lifted his head. I asked if he wanted to go back to bed and he said he could try, so that's what we did. As I returned to my room a few minutes later, I felt a distinct sense of tranquility. It's not always easy to be a mom, but those unexpected I love yous and rare middle-of-the-night cuddles soften the edges of the harder days. And for that, I'm thankful.

January 17

There are some things about me that my friends know to be true: I like the color purple and glitter and cats (although I've realized how allergic to them I am so really I just like looking at pictures of them right now). And that I have a slightly ridiculous streak that causes me to car-dance.

Tonight, Abby joined me in that particular exercise. As we drove home from her dance class, a song that we both like came on the radio, and we both sang along... with great enthusiasm. Once we actually got home, I turned off the engine and we finished our little duet, with me singing into my glasses and her, her phone. And then we laughed. A lot.

And all along, I found myself thinking "I am so thankful to be able to share this bit of utter ridiculousness with my girl." Sweet moments are everywhere. Don't miss 'em!

January 16

My birthday dinner with friends was tonight, and Adam did an awesome job of putting it together. I told him I didn't want to know much, so my sole contribution was giving him a list of email addresses when he asked. When all was said and done, we wound up having dinner and ice cream cake at On the Border, and I wound up with a tiara and a huge bunch of enormous balloons. (Which, I must say, was very, very well-played, given the whole 'balloons flying out of the back of the truck' debacle in Maryland last month.) And, of course, I also left with a lot of really good memories from time with these awesome ladies who I'm very happy to call friends.

It's really easy for me to overthink circumstances and feel overwhelmed by the daily grind, so it's such a blessing to share life with others who make me smile. I am thankful that God created us to be people who thrive in community, and I'm doubly thankful to be surrounded by these strong, wise, and kind women who challenge me and make my life better every day.

And I'm also thankful to have a husband who pulled the strings to make it happen --because I'm very conscious that not everyone enjoys that kind of blessing-- and for kids who wandered around playing paparazzi so their photo-loving mom could have some visual reminders of the evening.

I have much for which to be thankful, methinks. So very much.

January 15

The boys spent the entire day in pajamas playing video games.

I should probably be embarrassed to admit that, but there was no school, and it's what they wanted to do so we let it slide.

The content of their activity aside, it's always sweet to see them together, being brothers. Sometimes they fight WWF-style and they sure have their share of disagreements, but it makes me heart soar to hear them giggling together, because side-splitting laughter is a blessing.

January 14

I was sitting on the couch a little while ago trying to figure out what I'd write about today. I thought back to the baptism at church this morning and how the young woman's story took me back to some of my own most difficult moments. And then I glanced over and saw these under the coffee table, and something came to me.

These are the heaviest of my little set of weights. They only weigh 12 pounds each, but that's plenty heavy for me. But, given how I --like the girl this morning-- have kind of miraculously sailed through my most difficult moments, I know that they're lighter than feathers for God. (Follow that? Heavy for me, not heavy for God, and when God takes them, I feel lighter.)

That's why it's vitally essential that we give our heaviest burdens to God to carry: because more often than not, we simply cannot manage them on our own. And since He can --and wants to-- take them on, I'd be pretty foolish to keep them to myself.

January 13

Abby's grades for last quarter (and the first semester) finally posted online today. Since they were pretty darn good (pretty darn awesome, really), I didn't object when she told me she wanted to go to Safeway (for donuts) and Starbucks (for a frappuccino). So that's what we did this afternoon.

(I have a picture of her drinking said-frap, but this one of her with her giant elephant and the Eliza doll she made this past week is much cuter.) I know I've said it more than once lately, but this girl is just amazing in so many ways. Sure, she makes me borderline nutso at times, but she's also intelligent, funny, and self-assured, and watching her grow and tackle challenges as they arise is a blessing.

January 12

Two of my amazing friends took me out to celebrate my birthday tonight. We went to an Italian restaurant downtown and basically laughed for three hours.

A glass of prosecco made me feel extra giddy for about 45 minutes, but even without the drink, it still would've been a really fun outing. And it was definitely good for my heart.

Good friends are among God's greatest gifts, I think, and these two are pretty darn exceptional. I am so, so fortunate to have them both in my life.

January 11

I guess it's good when you get to the end of a birthday and don't really know what to say other than it was a lovely, lovely day. I still had to turn 40, but I definitely did it surrounded by amazing family and friends, and I can't really think of a better way to usher in a new decade.

When I got up this morning, I found the staircase adorned with hand-drawn Pixar characters (think Lightning McQueen et al) spelling out Happy Birthday (thanks hunny!). Adam brought me my coffee and then I took the kiddos off to school before meeting a friend at Starbucks (because I can never have enough coffee. Literally. Never. No hyperbole there). Then it was off to CPK for lunch with Adam before kid pick-ups and dinner at Red Robin, where it seemed like the concept of the night was moneymaker shakin' because the kiddos --and Lambie-- just couldn't stop rockin' to the beat. There was a video from two future YouTube stars (bahaha), flowers, presents, cake (which took an amazing three attempts, but I can't really think of anyone else who's so dedicated to cake-making that he tries three separate times in a row)... just a whole lot of wonderful.

And of course, there was a Logan moment, because when I pay attention, he always finds a way to be "here". I was sitting outside Walmart in my car (because I had to find somewhere to go while Adam tackled cake attempt number two before lunch) when I found myself wondering if he'd show up in some way. Not two seconds later, the sun briefly broke through otherwise cloudy skies. And illuminated a Corvette. I couldn't possibly have missed it.

My heart feels full. So for that enormous blessing and for all of you, I am so much more thankful than I can express.

January 10

For multiple reasons, today was an emotional one. But one person wasn't about to let the last day of my thirties end on anything but a high note. Nikki offered to buy me lunch, then asked if I wanted ice cream from the grocery store, and after I declined both offers, she suggested we go out for milkshakes tonight. And I finally said yes. So that's what we did.

She picked me up at 8:15 and we went over to Red Robin, where we had our milkshakes (and fries... well, one of us had fries. She has a baby to feed and needs those calories!) and talked.

And it was really, really good for my heart to have that time with her. So tonight, as 39 gets ready to flip to 40, I'm really, really thankful to have her as a friend!

January 9

Abby and two of her best friends are more or less obsessed with "Hamilton," and they've dubbed themselves the Schuyler sisters. One of them turned 14 last month, and Abby decided that she wanted to make an Angelica doll for her as a gift. Given that her first foray into sewing didn't go particularly well, she'd never in her life made a doll, and she's resistant to using patterns, I wasn't particularly optimistic about her plans to freehand the entire thing. But despite my lukewarm response to the project, she forged onward, acquired the fabric and supplies from JoAnn's using her a chunk of her Christmas money, and made a pretty terrific doll, which she presented to said friend this evening.

I hate to admit it because I'm one of my kids' biggest fans, but I absolutely underestimated what she could do. The way she designed each piece --the head, limbs, body, face, hair, dress... all of it-- and carefully stitched it together with zero guidance from anyone or anything blows my mind.

She's good at so many different things, and it's an honor and an enormous blessing to be able to watch her grow and expand her repertoire of abilities.

January 8

So this is a pretty lousy picture, but it's the only one I managed to snap and the story behind it is really good.

See, the Little Boys went back to school today, but Abby was off. (Middle and high schoolers get an extra day of Winter Break. I'm not entirely sure why, but that's the way it is.) It rained all day long, so I went to retrieve Brady by myself this afternoon. We came home, and then Abby opted to return to the school for Isaac's pick-up time (since no, they aren't released at the same time) so she could say hi to some of her old teachers.

Anyway, when the bell rang and Isaac came into view, the unexpected happened: Abby, from afar, shouted "Isaac! My brother Isaac! I love you so much!" and ran to give him a hug. Kids stared. Teachers stared. Isaac turned a vibrant shade of tomato-red and laughed like a fiend because although no doubt embarrassed, he loved the attention. But none of that dampened Abby's enthusiasm as she lifted him off the ground and loudly reiterated "Isaac! My brother! I love you!"

There are times when my daughter is suitably embarrassed, like this morning in Safeway when, after we'd bought some donuts to go with my coffee (and her water -- homegirl does not need coffee just yet) I followed her toward the exit asking her if she wanted to hold mummy's hand. (She ignored me.) But I love that she went overboard for Isaac, because of all of my kids, he's probably the one who most wonders if he's truly loved. So that unexpected and exuberant display of sisterly affection for a kid who probably really needed it was a huge blessing to me.

January 7

I last did my nails a few weeks ago (with some polish my niece so sweetly gave me for Christmas), so they needed a re-do. So that's what I did this evening.

It's amazing how just a fresh coat of paint with a little sparkle can make a day seem a quite a bit better.

January 6

With the exception of a lovely coffee meet-up I had with a very good friend, today sucked. So many things about it sucked, in fact, that it would take too long to write them all out, so I'll skip it. There was so very much suck that I had no idea what I'd write until a few minutes ago when this CD cover from an album produced by a choir my mom sings with caught my eye as I walked through the family room:

So much about human life is hard, and as a decidedly sensitive person, I'd guess that my heart winds up hurting more than most. But as this cover suggests, this life is, at its core, a journey. Although journeys can be fun and exciting and the end results are usually worth the effort expended, they're rarely easy or drama-free. And although every journey features at least one not-so-great day now and then, the not-so-great days are quite often exceptions to the rule rather than the norm.

So for that reminder on this mostly forgettable day, I'm thankful.

January 5

After two (extremely cold) weeks back in Maryland, we got up this morning, finished packing, cleaned up, and left my grandma's house to head to BWI Airport.

It was a fun couple of weeks, filled with friends and family (and ridiculously cold weather. Seriously, I'm still shivering just thinking about standing there --totally freezing cold-- wearing a thermal, sweater, jacket, and wool coat while waiting for the rental car shuttle to take us to the terminal this morning).

I'm a bit tired so hopefully the repetition will be forgiven, but in many ways it's hard to live a bicoastal life, mostly because I never really get to have all of the people I care about around me at one time, in the same place. Still, it's an awfully big blessing to have special people in multiple places, so for that --and for the chance to spend time with loved ones I see so infrequently-- I'm thankful.

January 4

Today was our final full day in Maryland, and we spent it in simple fashion, just hanging around my grandma's house. (Which wasn't a hard decision to make since the western edge of the so-called bomb cyclone Grayson brought a small amount of snow, a lot of wind, and extremely cold temps to our door.)

While Adam finally finished the 1,000-piece puzzle he started shortly after we arrived, the boys played video games, Abby read and listened to music, and I hung out with my grandma watching TV. (That was after we spent a very short time outside in the snow! And by "very short," I mean about seven minutes because we were all frozen just a few minutes in.)

A little later in the day, the Little Boys "helped" my grandma make brownies for dessert (which means she talked to them while she did all of the actual work and then let them lick the bowl), and then Bobby and family brought over Ledos pizza for dinner. It's always hard to watch the kiddos get close to their cousins only to have to leave a short time later, but I really do treasure the moments, so I enjoyed watching them goof off this evening.

What else can I say, really? It's hard to be bicoastal. It's hard to live 3,000 miles away from all of... this. (Well, I can do without the 16-degree high temps, but you know what I mean.) So I'm deeply thankful for the time we've had here with my family and friends, and I'm thankful that I have people I truly treasure on both coasts.

January 3

Although the day started slowly, it wound up featuring two main events.

The first was a meet-up with my very long-time friend Gretchen and her family. It was a simple enough get-together, as we wound up having ice cream (yep, ice cream: at least it doesn't melt when it's already below freezing outside) at Baskin Robbins. It was so nice to just sit and chat with her for a while. We've been friends since our early elementary school days, and although we see each other very rarely, I know she's always got my back -- just like I'll always have hers! Friends come and go, but she's a lifer for me.

The second main event was dinner with my mom and Harvey. We had a lovely time at an Italian restaurant they like, both eating and talking a bit more.

The ability to connect with friends and family is a huge blessing, and I'm thankful that we've been able to touch base with so many people during this trip.

January 2

It was another laid back kind of day for us: just lunch at Jerry's (since Adam and the Little Boys hadn't gotten to go yet this trip), a grocery store run for my grandma, a quick visit to my mom's to return the Christmas tree we borrowed, and McD's.

One of the things I loved the most about today was how much laughter I heard. I heard it when Abby was animating BearBear this morning and at lunch when Brady and Isaac were cackling together over something (I'm not even sure what) and over dinner when Abby "stole" Isaac's unconsumed chicken nuggets and Isaac chuckled over the misdeed until his eyes pooled with moisture. Laughter, I tell ya, is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

(And to explain the other two photos here... one is of the sunset as we drove toward my mom's house, because the winter sunsets here can be so beautiful. The other is of my mom's Christmas tree, because the warm glow of those particular lights always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.)

January 1

We had a nice, easy start to our morning: just cinnamon rolls and leftover donuts before we headed out to have lunch with my dad and Lisa (and my brother's family). It was nice to be able to spend a little more time with them, and then it was nice to take a drive out in the country.

The town I first called home has undergone tremendous changes over the past 20 years, but somehow, the area closest to where I lived has --thus far-- remained immune to the influx of new housing and industry. It's still just rolling hills and blue sky, which today, felt particularly peaceful under the residual blanket of snow that fell last week, and looked especially beautiful thanks to a partial bank of clouds that filtered the sunlight with a just-so degree of perfection. I'm not entirely sure why, but I always have to go back and visit when I'm here, if only for a quick drive-by.

Then this evening, we returned to grandma's house and enjoyed some time inside (which given that the high temperature today was about 16 degrees, was the warmest decision we could've made). Adam worked on a puzzle we borrowed from the basement stash while the kiddos munched on popcorn and other various forms of junk food. After dinner, we joined my grandma to watch college bowl games on TV. I sat across from her and couldn't help but think back on how many different times we'd sat together in that very room over the past 35 years. We're both much older, of course, but underneath it all, we're still the same. She may be 95 years old, but she's still as mentally sharp as I am most of the time, and I'm so thankful that we can still add moments to the memory bank.

So yes: it was, all things considered, a simple day. But there's nothing like a simple day to begin a brand new year, since it's important to remember that every single moment we're given is a blessing.