August 14

It seems obscenely early, but the kiddos go back to school tomorrow: 7th grade for Abby, 3rd for Isaac, and Kindergarten for my baby. And of course, 5th grade in my heart for Logan. As I laid out the backpacks tonight, I silently grieved the absence of that fourth bag. I wondered which teacher would be welcoming him to her classroom and who would be his best friend. And I envisioned his big smile as he turned to wave good-bye for the day. And then the vision faded because it's not going to happen, and my thoughts returned to my actual reality; to this moment from this afternoon.

Brady was unusually quiet today. I think he's nervous about starting school, but he didn't want to talk about it so I didn't press. When I got home from shopping this afternoon, I took notice of his outfit: the Mater hat and the Lightning McQueen slippers. I doubt that it was his intent, but I took it as a silent salute to his biggest brother, who loved those Cars as much as he does. And though the sight could've made me sad, it didn't, because in a way, Logan --who never got the chance to go to Kindergarten-- will go to Kindergarten with him tomorrow in his smile and in his enthusiasm and in his penchant for dance. And of course, in his love for Cars, and above all, in his heart. And THAT is a thought that brings me joy.