December 31

Most of the time when a year ends, I find myself feeling unusually contemplative and even a little melancholy. I tend to look at the previous 365 (or 366) days through a rose-colored lens that brightens the bright and tempers the not-so-bright into a muted shade that's easier to forget. 

But I, like most people, am not particularly sad to see 2020 draw to a close. 

It featured its blessings of course, like today's get-together with Adam's parents to exchange Christmas gifts, numerous coffee hang-outs with Kristine in the yard, an unplanned trip back to Maryland to help my mom (which let me see my brother's family and my girl Gretchen and Eileen and her kiddos), a pair of trips to St. Louis to visit Kathy, and lots (and lots and lots and lots) of time with the family that Adam and I have created. (Well, with as much of it as we can ever hang with in this lifetime, anyway. That's an ever-present dose of bittersweetness that flavors our existence.) And for the gift of watching our kids continue to grow; seeing Abby turn 16 and watching Brady enter the double-digits and gawking as Isaac grew and changed so much that I can scarcely believe he's still the same kid he was a year ago. And of course, we purchased and have love, love, loved our new house, where we have enough space to live and work together on a daily basis without driving each other batty. (And that, I tell you, is no small thing.)

But 2020 also reminded me --in an especially harsh way-- that this life is just a whisper of what's to come Some Day; that this is a broken down world filled with broken people who need grace and mercy and hope. So as 2021 begins and we draw ever closer to the arrival of Some Day, I'm grateful for the blessings that were hidden in the folds of a remarkably tough year, and for the promise of what will be.

December 30

One of the things I've grown to enjoy about my Christmases in Maryland are my biennial get-togethers with these ladies, but since this is a California year, I'd assumed I wouldn't see them. However, since COVID prevented them from meeting in person, we opted for a Zoom meet-up instead. So voila, I got to see them and catch up a bit this morning.

Wendy, Iris, Jen, Shay, Krista, Jenn, and Eileen. We were all in the same middle (well, it was called intermediate) school class and though I didn't know any of them particularly well at the time, I've really enjoyed getting to know them better as adults. They're all funny, intelligent, and determined women, and although our lives are all very different, I do so love how we can come together and chat and bless each other like we do. (Well, I can only speak for myself, but they definitely bless me!) So for all of them and for their openness and for the laughs we get to share, I'm thankful.

December 29

My days don't differ much from one to the next these days, so it makes sense (to me, at least) that I can be a bit repetitive. 

Like this pic. When I took it this evening, I thought it looked familiar, so I scrolled back and realized I used one very much like it not that long ago. (Same yarn and some color, but a different project. The last one was a hat; this one's a sweater.)

And that made me think: as much as I miss being out and seeing people and having coffee dates at the Mother Ship, there's something nice about predictability. And there's something nice about being cozy at home on a chilly,30-something degree night. So for those blessings, I'm grateful.

December 28

When Abby and I left for a quick shopping run this afternoon, Isaac and Brady were in the backyard and Adam was re-organizing some boxes in the garage.

When we got home, I found the three of them sitting at the dining room table happily playing a game Isaac got for Christmas. 

Given that Isaac and Brady have kinda sorta been at each other's throats a bit more often than usual of late, it was certainly an unexpected but welcome blessing to see them having fun together. 

December 27

Today was a day for a long walk with my hunny, scanning the pages of my now falling-apart scrapbook from my college study abroad days at Oxford, and working on a sweater I've been crocheting. It was also a day to be amused by my kids.

Isaac and Brady have always been bro'skis, but lately it's done my heart a world of good to see Abby and Isaac sharing laughs, too. And that's just what they did as they lingered at the table after dinner.

And a little later, there was the utterly bizarre Squishmallows pelting party, which involved the boys pelting Abby with their stuffed animals as she lay grinning on one of the couches in the family room. Weird, yes, but seeing them laugh together and watching them bond (even in weird ways) is such a gift to me that I can't complain.

December 26

Abby and I engaged in a little bit of day-after-Christmas slash Saturday afternoon shopping today.

We hit the usual haunts: Hallmark, Target, Joann, another Target (because Target), Walmart, Starbucks (so I could use up some soon-to-expire stars). 

There was nothing unusual about our adventure, but it was special nonetheless because I know that our time with her under our room is running out. So our little forays are always blessings.

December 25

As is the case with California Christmases, today was a calm, kick-back kind of holiday.

Isaac and Brady (and Adam) came in to wake me up at 9 (which is a vast improvement over the 5 and 6 AM wake-up calls of the past), and we got started with stockings. We broke for a cinnamon roll (and coffee and mimosa for me) breakfast and then returned to the tree to open gifts.

There were lots of hits and lots of great laughs, including the mighty guffaws elicited by the sequined Rick Roll pillow (which features a giant Rick Astley face and the words "Never gonna make you cry") that Brady picked for Abby. 

From there the boys tested out one (or two) of their newly acquired video games while I prepped our customary pot roast dinner and then drifted off to sleep. (Somehow I'd forgotten that champagne knocks me out.) Post nap, there was a FaceTime call with my brothers and a quick trip to Logan's grave followed by the evening meal, a round of Adam's new board game, Hues and Clues, and a chat with my mom. And now it's 9:36PM, the boys are in bed, Adam is nodding off, and Abby and I are parallel playing on our respective devices in the glow of the family room Christmas tree.

It was a pleasant, calm day. And for that, I am grateful.

December 24

It was a Christmas Eve that overflowed with Firsts.

The first of the Firsts was that Adam took Abby to the DMV this morning and she returned shortly thereafter with her learner's permit. (And quite a lovely photo, too. I generally look like I've slept in the back of my car and then walked through a windstorm in my license pics, so I was impressed.)

The second of the Firsts was when Adam's brother's family came over for a socially distanced visit that took place mostly in the yard. We hadn't seen them since February so we spent some time talking and exchanging gifts before they came inside (masked up), took a quick tour of the house, and posed for a version of our annual photo. We're almost always the ones who travel on Christmas Eve, so having people over was definitely new. (And it made me wish COVID would just go away so I could do it again. And again.)

But the biggest --and most overarching-- of the Firsts was that we had our first Christmas Eve in this house. We hung our stockings in new stocking holders by a new fireplace, put presents under a new tree in front of a new window in a new room, decorated Santa's cookies in a new kitchen. As a general rule I've never been a big fan of change, but tonight, I am grateful for what is. And I'm grateful that tomorrow I will be with my people to celebrate the best gift the world has ever received.

December 23

There are two types of people in this world: those who don't mind wrapping gifts, and those willing to pay their offspring to wrap gifts. I am the latter.

So imagine my glee when, this evening while Adam was reading to Isaac and Brady, I approached Abby about tackling said project and she agreed to do it.

No negotiations. No arguing. Just... agreement. She even followed me to the garage to help pick out the wrapping paper she'd use for Adam's gifts.

It was a beautiful, beautiful thing.

And as silly as it seems because it's such a tiny thing, I feel super blessed that my ever-growing girl was willing to help me out in such a practical way.

December 22

Two things stood out to me today.

The first is that Brady looks so much older than he did even just a year ago. I finished making the beanie he's wearing in the pic, popped it on his head, and he immediately transformed into a pre-teen skater boy. It was weird, in a way -- but the fact that he's still growing (and thriving) is always an ongoing blessing.

The second is that our town has done an amazing job with upping the Christmas light game this year. 2020 may have been a yucky year all in all, but I was heartened by all of the nativities and fun inflatables and strings of lights that illuminated the night sky as we were out driving around this evening. It's hard to be glum when surrounded by so much good cheer.

December 21

Every year, we take a few evenings to drive around and look at Christmas lights, and tonight served as this year's first pass.

So we got dinner at Burger King and headed out to see what the people of Livermore had in store for us.

Between coordinated light-and-music shows, a sea of inflatable dogs, and streets that featured more illuminated houses than I can recall them featuring in the past, I think the town outdid itself.

So today I'm thankful for the dose of Christmas cheer and I'm looking forward to seeing how our town stacks up the next time we venture out.

December 20

I pulled out a bag of mini Christmas ornaments this evening to see if Isaac and Brady would be interested in decorating the little trees they have in their rooms and/or the one in the hallway upstairs.

They were, so they did.

They used an assortment of cars and Winnie the Poohs and Peanuts in the hall, while Isaac went with a snowman theme for his own tree.

They're quick decorators, those boys of mine, but seeing them embellish those trees was a nice little shot of nostalgia for me, since when I was young, I loved decorating my own mini tree this time of year.

December 19

A few days after I dragged a pair of ornament boxes up to the first floor, we finally got around to decorating the family room Christmas tree (aka The Real One) this evening after dinner.

With "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" playing on the TV in the background, the kiddos got to work. They approached the task with good cheer as they picked through the two boxes, and I headed down to the garage a few times to retrieve the boxes that I knew contained cars and animated pieces. The cars because I can't imagine a Christmas tree without them, and the animated ones, well, because they're fun.

We finished the process with ornaments from my treasure box, which sits on a shelf in my closet and contains all of the precious pieces they made during their younger days: the glittered photo ornaments, the spray-painted-gold macaroni frames, the carefully fingerprinted spheres, the laminated poems. Those beautiful trappings of childhood that come out just once a year to help us remember and make us smile.

So tonight, I'm thankful for a peaceful evening of decorating and for the whiffs of sweet nostalgia that those decorations provide. 

December 18

It's just a quiet Friday evening at home, so I'm sitting here on the couch doing quiet Friday evening things:

I'm nestled under the electric throw blanket, working on a hat for myself, and mulling a good channel surf, all under the glow of the Christmas tree lights.

A very simple evening indeed, but simple things are so often the best things that I thought it worthy of mention.

December 17

I'd like to say that I know where all of the Christmas decorations are but the truth is that I have no clue. I know they're somewhere in the garage and I know that if I dedicate myself to the task of finding them, I will. But as of today, I've just grabbed a few items piecemeal-style and brought them up to the main level.

This is the absolute gem that I found this afternoon while poking around.

In case it's hard to read, the base is painted with the identifiers "2010" and "Logan." So although I can't remember for sure, I'm guessing that Logan made this in the play room at the hospital. Ten years ago.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw it. Though I can't remember him making this, per se, I can remember sitting with him in that room, making pipe cleaner spiders and watching him bee-bop around the room to the sounds of music in his head, IV pole in tow.

They're bittersweet memories for sure, especially this time of year when my one wish for Santa is to have him back in a tangible way for Christmas. But I'm thankful to have them, and I'm thankful for treasures like this tree that can serve as a temporal fingerprint on my life.

December 16

I think it's safe to say that we are officially Those People on our street.

We ordered a china cabinet a few weeks ago and were pleased to see that it was supposed to be delivered sometime between 9 and 5 today. I made sure that I was available and listening for a knock at the door except for the 10 minutes I took to get dressed and ready at 9:15. Because I'm just that kind of fortunate, the Wayfair people apparently showed up during that exact 10-minute period and left the two ginormous, 200-pound-plus boxes in the alcove of our entry way, tucked as cozily and you can tuck two enormous boxes between the light-up Mickey and Minnie and snowman. 

So that meant the five of us had to join forces to heave-ho said boxes up to the house (since there's a flight of stairs between the alcove and the front door). So after dinner tonight, that's what we did.

In case you didn't know, 200+ pound awkwardly-shaped boxes are kind of hard to carry up flights of stairs, so we must've been quite the sight (if anyone saw us -- it was dark before the process began). Eventually, we got them into the house, and the unpacking process that followed unleashed a maelstrom of styrofoam. The garbage truck comes tomorrow, so Adam and I sent the kiddos down to the street to deposit the sea of packing remnants in the trash can. When I went to check on them a few minutes later, they were standing directly under the street light, laughing and having a great time as they worked to cram as much into the can as they could. 

The whole scene made me laugh aloud. I didn't have the greatest day. Honestly, I haven't had the greatest month. But seeing them standing there collectively enjoying a completely ridiculous moment that will probably prompt some of our neighbors to think that we're weirdos made the harder moments feel less hard. It was an unexpected moment of joy for me. So for that, I'm thankful.

December 15

This year has sucked in so many ways that it's hard to count them all. But me learning to crochet has been really, really good for me. (For reference, the pic is of Adam wearing the hat I made for him today.)

I didn't get the hang of it immediately. In fact, it took me over a month and many ounces of frustration before I even figured out how to turn my work. (And even before that, mastering the slip knot was a struggle.) But eventually, I sorted it out and made progress, and I realized that I'm still able to learn to do new things (even though much of the time, I feel like I'm entrenched in a permanent state of Mommy Brain).

Additionally, it gives me something to do with my hands, which (and I know this will sound weird to some folks) helps me to think more clearly.

And it gives me a feeling that I'm productive. I sometimes feel like I don't have much of a purpose, but making things I can give away just because I feel like loving on someone else makes me feel like I do.

So yep, that's what I have for today: I am thankful that I can learn new things. And that I didn't just throw in the towel back when I didn't think I'd ever figure it out.

December 14

Today is Brady's 10th birthday. Yup, much to my amazement, my baby has officially entered the extensive double-digit years.

Since online school is a Thing and COVID is (still... UGH) a Thing, he spent half of his big day up in his room, but he did come downstairs to enjoy his lunch pick (Little Caesar's pizza in both pepperoni and sausage) to the tune of five slices. Oh, and a gingerbread cookie, too.

And later in the day, after he and Isaac enjoyed some video game time, we dined on his dinner pick --carryout from Applebees-- in the kitchen nook. And then he and I caught a bit of the Ravens Monday Night Football game while Isaac and Abby decorated his chosen white-cake-with-strawberry frosting. Then there were presents in the family room and said-cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream with the birthday song. Finally, he closed out the day with more video gaming. I think that all in all, he had a good birthday.

Truthfully, I've not let myself think much about the happenings of 10 years ago because the memories still have sharp edges. But I'm deeply grateful for the bright spot that Brady was back then, and for the bright light he continues to be now.

December 13

There were multiple unusual things about today that made it a special Sunday. 

The first was an early afternoon Zoom call with Adam's parents and his brother Eric's family. Since COVID will preclude our annual Christmas get-together, Adam's mom cooked up a plan to have a cousin gift exchange, so the purpose of the call was to draw names. And they did it in dramatic (and festive) fashion. Given how mundane and disappointing 2020 has been, her creativity was certainly a refreshing blessing.

Then later on this evening, the kiddos (joined by Mr. Lambie -- see if you can find him) decorated gingerbread cookies while we watched "White Christmas." Cookies and that particular film are two of my personal holiday favorites, so it was a blessing to be able to share both with my family.

And finally (and no pic for this one but it's dear to my heart so I'm including it anyway), when I told Brady that I wanted one last 9-year old hug --one last single-digit hug from any of my kids, in fact-- he gave me not just one, but three. Yep, my baby turns 10 years old tomorrow. Waiting for him to arrive and then caring for him 10 years ago was a big part of how I survived that extended and impossibly hard time in my life. So those last 9-year old hugs --one plus a few extras-- meant so much to me.

So yes. For all of that this Sunday, I am thankful.

December 12

Abby and I went for our usual Saturday outing this afternoon.

I was looking to buy molasses (per Adam's request), some soup (Abby's favorite chicken noodle which I'd noticed was on sale), and some long-sleeved shirts for the boys, but more than that, I was looking to be out with my best girl. My broke little best friend who thinks I'm rich.

I paused before rolling into the garage to take this pic, and as I did, she asked if I was going to blog it. I told her yup. And though I can't remember if I said it aloud or not, I mentally added "because spending time with you is always a blessing."

December 11

Both Abby and Isaac had what we'll call tough starts to their respective Fridays.

They shared their troubles at the kitchen table when lunchtime rolled around, and then a few minutes later  spied them together in the backyard.

I'm not entirely sure what they were doing (though it looks like Abby was trying to see if she could get Isaac's SlimeDog stuck on top of the dining canopy). But whatever it was, they were doing it together. And seeing my kiddos getting along is always a blessing to me.

December 10

Today was, as have many recent days have been, something of an unremarkable one. I wandered through a few stores (mostly for exercise and sanity, but also to buy a few Christmas gifts), worked on one of my ongoing projects, and went to Costco with Adam.

Then later, after dinner, I realized that I'd forgotten to turn on my little peg tree (which is currently situated on the windowsill in the dining room). And so I did.

And looking at it made me smile. Both my mom and my grandma had this kind of tree when I was young and I always enjoyed arranging and rearranging the pegs. This one is particularly sweet to me because Adam gave it to me a few years ago, and unlike lots of like-trees that are out in stores today, the pegs on mine actually DO move.

Good memories are blessings for sure. 

December 9

I hadn't been up to the observation deck in a few weeks so after I glanced out the bedroom window and spied pink swirls in the sky early this evening, I headed outside for a look-see.

Although I missed the sunset in earnest, I assume it was lovely, so I'm grateful to have caught what was left of it.

And I'm grateful that if I squint, I can make out the lights on our Christmas tree in the family room, because even an iota of holiday cheer can go a long way for me.

December 8

Ta-da! I present to you my Pretty Room, all decked out in silver and gold for Christmas.

I've wanted a Nice Room for as long as I can remember. The dining and living rooms located behind the pocket doors in my grandparents' house were the Nice Rooms, and they were always nicely decorated and clean and organized.

So yep, this one is mine, with its glittery gold and silvery snowflake throw pillows and its winter scene painting and its stocking hangers that spell out "PEACE" and its (not pictured) trio of old kid pics from Christmases past. And in fact, one of my favorite things to do right now is to sit on the loveseat in the glow of the Christmas tree lights while I absorb the calm vibe of my Pretty Room.

I love it. And I am grateful.

December 7

My girl Gretchen messaged me late last night to share that I should be on the lookout for a package she sent. So I checked the tracking link this morning, saw that it had been marked as delivered, and found it on the front porch.

And when I cracked it open, I discovered this little tower of deliciousness inside.

We met way back in first grade and it's true that we were out of touch for a number of years, but I'm so grateful that Gretchen is back in my life. She's smart and strong and brave and thoughtful, and I'm super proud of how well she's powered through this year despite some tough circumstances. She's most definitely a blessing to me.

December 6

The Worship Leader at our church texted Abby a few days ago to see if she and the boys would be interested in lighting this week's Advent candle. Since we're still doing services online, they went in yesterday morning to pre-record their segment. 

So I was all eyes and ears this morning as they appeared on our TV screen and as Abby and Isaac read their verses. (Brady was the candle lighter.) There was, quite unfortunately, a technical glitch that cut off the actual candle lighting, but it was still so wonderful to see them up there together proclaiming the coming of some very good news indeed.

So for that, I am thankful.

December 5

It was a pleasant Saturday that featured shopping for winter clothes with Abby, a stroll with Adam, and a last-minute rescheduled haircut (since salons have to close down again in a few days -- booo) for me.

And it all began with this sweet moment of spontaneous sibling love between Isaac and Abby, right there at the kitchen table. I don't really know what prompted the shared expression of care, but I sure loved watching it unfold.

December 4

After dinner this evening, most of us (save Abby, who had math homework to finish by midnight. Oh, the joys of online school, said almost no one ever) engaged in another (relatively recently implemented) holiday tradition with a viewing of "Elf."

Given that we're facing yet another shelter in place order, I'm especially grateful for the little things that we do each year to make the season special. Just sitting there on the couch surrounded by (most of) my peeps in the glow of the lights on the family room Christmas tree made everything feel less frustrating. And infinitely happier. And for that, I am grateful.

December 3

It must be said: I love that Kristine lives in our town. I spent years trying to convince her that she should move here and now that she's actually here, I'm just... yay!

Anyway, she had a few days of not feeling well that melted into a few days of her wee munchkin not feeling well, so she didn't come over for Crochet Circle (as I've taken to calling our weekly get-togethers in the yard) today, but we did FaceTime for a few hours this morning-slash-afternoon.

As I've noted before (and will no doubt note again in the future), I'm so glad that our friendship has stood the proverbial test of time. We may not agree on everything, but I know she's there and she knows that I'm here. And having people like that in your life and in your corner is a huge blessing.

December 2

It was a fairly quiet and unremarkable day; I went out to buy a pair of tree toppers (with marginal success), and spent more time working on crochet projects. So here's a look at a little more of our Christmas cheer.

This is our "real" tree in its place in the family room, as seen from the overlook on the second floor. (We rearranged the furniture a bit to accommodate it.) I like that I can see the reflection of its lights in the window from my perch on the couch.

A bit of holiday happy goes a long way.

December 1

We tend to decorate for Christmas in something of a piecemeal fashion: trees go up, then maybe some ornaments are added a few days later, then maybe a picture goes up on the wall and a throw pillow hops up onto a couch.

Tonight, Adam added the string of icicle lights we bought yesterday at Costco to the outdoor dining area. Brady (and Chub) and I stood outside in the chilly'ness and watched as he first hammered nails into the wood, and then strung the lights.

I love Christmas lights. To me, they represent the coming of the Light of the World. So to see them from my window while I'm hanging out in my family room makes my heart happy.