March 31

 Happy Easter from our house to yours. 

It was a mostly quiet day, with the traditional Easter baskets followed by church and then a walk for Adam and I around the 'hood under mostly blue skies while the boys played video games. And then for dinner, Adam made steaks and potatoes and green beans and a mountain of scratch-baked rolls.

It was a good day, because it's the day that marks the rising of our Lord from the grave. And that's always something to celebrate.

But me? I was, to be fully honest, a bit out of sorts. It's strange and uncomfortable to realize that egg hunts and the big bunny and a lot of the cute trappings I've always associated with Easter are things of the past for us. It's strange to think that those two guys there in the photo with me are 13 and 15 years old. It's strange to think that Abby's not in the picture because she's away at school, finishing up her sophomore year of college. And it's still strange and painful that Logan isn't in the picture because he's been gone for more than 12 years. 

But that last part, that's what makes today as vitally important as it is. Because without today, the end of Logan's life here on earth would've been the definitive end. Instead, we know we'll see him again, whenever Someday arrives. So despite my feelings of sadness over the loss of those "fun things" and mixed emotions over the continuing metamorphosis of my family's life, my heart is filled with gratitude.

March 30

My brother Charlie and his husband Alexi live in Los Angeles. They're busy workers and enthusiastic world travelers so, as strange as it seems, they'd never been to our house. 

That is, they hadn't been here until today when, during a weekend trip to San Francisco, they BARTed across the Bay to join us for lunch.

We dined on Zachary's pizza and chit-chatted for several hours this afternoon. I presented them with a pair of chocolate bunnies for Easter and gave them the penny tour of the house and yard. And then they headed back to the city for their dinner plans.

I rarely see anyone from my family of origin, so it was such a blessing to spend time with the two of them and to show them our home. 

March 29

The boys were in the backyard playing catch early this evening when Brady frantically waved at me through the window. He motioned for me to come so I did. And when I opened the door, I saw a huge, vibrant rainbow.

So I had them pose for me (because of course I did; and no, Brady is not even close to being as tall as Isaac. There's a weird combination of stretching and slouching going on).

Anyway, it was a weird weather day complete with fairly substantial rainfall and, later, blue sky. So the rainbow itself didn't surprise me, but it did remind me to take a few moments to remember God's promises to all of us. And as Easter approaches, I'm so grateful for all of them.

March 28

It was a rather mundane Thursday for me. I cleaned the kitchen and ran several loads of laundry. But there were no standout moments of great revelation.

And that's okay, really, because Heaven knows I've had more than a few overly exciting (read: stressful) days in recent weeks.

So now that the sun is down and the tube is on and I'm sitting under my blanket with my laptop open, I'm grateful for slow, quiet days and for the plentiful opportunities to breathe and just be that they provide.

March 27

I had a relatively productive day; ran some errands, completed some tasks.

And as always, one of the highlights was my time with this guy at the Mother Ship before I took him to school this morning. 

He's growing up so quickly that I'm doing what I can to savor the moments as they come, even if they're just mundane, everyday experiences. Every single one is a gift.

March 26

Brady had a game this evening. He went 2 for 4 at the plate with a double and pitched the final two innings. In short, his team cruised to an 8-1 win.

It's surreal to watch him pitch these days. He's always enjoyed pitching and has historically had what I'd call colorful or "exciting" outings on the mound. 

But tonight, I realized that at some point along the way, when I wasn't looking very hard, he became good. He has a nice curve ball --so much so that the opposing coaches kept reminding their hitters to watch out for it-- and good velocity for his age. And he looks confident standing there, even when the defense slips up behind him.

So today I'm grateful that he's continuing to grow and mature, because that's no small blessing.

March 25

Brady went to the A's pre-season game this evening with some friends, so Adam and I decided to take Isaac out to dinner for some rare just-him-and-us time.

After he expressed interest in either steak or Italian (because he does love a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs), we opted to go to Cattlemen's.

We had a good time sitting together and eating, and listening to him as he energetically shared about his day at school. 

As number three of four, Isaac doesn't get much undivided attention from Adam and I, so it was a blessing to be able to focus on him this evening. And it was pretty sweet to see that big smile, too.

March 24

We had a special event at church this morning, and the boys helped out with the kids who attended. And there were quite a few of them!

So they (and Adam, who said he didn't sleep particularly well last night) we tired by the time we got back home.

Rest is a blessing, and an important part of daily renewal and regeneration. So I am grateful for the slow moments that allow me to be still.

March 23

It rained last night and into the wee hours of the day, so when I arose this morning and parted the curtains I expected to find gray skies.

But rather than the gloom that my mind predicted, I saw this instead.

Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of difficult or challenging circumstances, my expectations will shrink, so to speak; I'll assume that dark clouds will always accompany the rain. I will, in short, place limitations on God and stop expecting miracles or even just plain old good things.

So today I'm grateful for the encouragement to always look for blue skies, even when logic says they should be grey.

March 22

With a long week of baseball behind me, I was happy to plunk down in my seat in the family room after dinner with a crochet hook and a big ball of yarn.

My plan is to make beanies to donate to a handful of collections that will take place this fall. They're simple to create, so I'm looking forward to the down time. The simplicity.

I'm grateful to have an ability that allows me to give to others in such a practical way. And, of course, I'm grateful for having the free time to do it!

March 21

There were no games today for the first time since March 11, so I took those precious moments of freedom to take a walk while Brady was at practice.

It was a lovely, 70-degree afternoon and although a hint of humidity foreshadowed the rain in the forecast for tomorrow and much of the weekend, I thoroughly enjoyed my sneeze-free stroll. There was something soothing about the green hills, the bright orange poppies, and the way the breeze created ripples in the grass. It made me grateful to just be.

So for all of that loveliness, I am thankful.

March 20

I turned around after Brady's game ended this evening and noticed the waning moments of a stunning sunset in the distance.

As I took in the vibrant oranges and yellows and reds in the moments before they faded to dark blue, I wondered how many times I'd missed beautiful sights simply because I didn't anticipate seeing anything worthwhile.

It was a good reminder to keep my eyes open and to expect good things.

March 19

Surprise! There was another baseball game this evening.

And when the first pitch was thrown, this guy was sitting next to me on the bleachers. 

It was a beautiful evening, the company was great, and save the three batters he beaned during the last of the three innings he pitched, Brady played well. (Six strikeouts is pretty good work for someone who's not typically a strikeout pitcher!)

I know these days won't last long, so I'm soaking up the moments as best I can. And I'm thankful for them.

March 18

Isaac had another away game today, this time at Oakland Tech High School in Oakland.

He struck out swinging in his first at-bat, and then flew out to center in the second. He could've easily gotten discouraged, especially since most of his teammates were having success at the plate. 

But that's not what he did. Nope, instead of throwing in the towel, he smacked singles in each of his last three at-bats, and finished his day at the plate 3 for 5 with two RBI.

Sometimes when we get discouraged, the easiest course of action is to give up, so today I'm grateful for examples of perseverance in the face of difficulty. (And for a great game for my sweet boy, too!)

March 17

While Adam and Brady headed to a TVBR game (which they won 9-3!) in Albany late this morning, Isaac and I went to church and then to a team bonding bowling event for Amador Baseball.

I had a nice time being really bad at bowling with a few of my fellow parents, while Isaac played with a handful of his teammates.

He only has one good friend on the team, not many JV guys attended, and he's definitely an introvert, so I was proud of him for going and taking part in the event. 

Maturity and flexibility are blessings, and I'm thankful that this guy demonstrates both.

March 16

 Brady had a whopping four games today.

He collected a couple of hits and in the end (after the dust literally settled), his teams posted two wins and two losses.

It was a lot of baseball. A lot-lot, especially since the games were located in two different cities and the freeway that greatly facilitates travel between said-cities is closed all weekend for repairs.

But I wouldn't have been anywhere else. And neither would Adam. We're his parents and we love watching him play. 

But what really impressed me was that Isaac was also there for all four games, too. He could've stayed home or opted to do something --anything-- else with his time and no one would've batted an eye, but he chose to join us to watch his little bro out on the field. He's a good brother --even if he doesn't think that's true-- and I'm grateful for the ways he quietly supports his siblings.

March 15

Another day, another game, this time for JV in San Ramon.

Isaac didn't start the game, but he did come in to play left field in the 6th. And he made an impression with a couple of great defensive plays, including a running, sliding catch that ended with him on the ground but the ball in his glove. (He asked if I thought it was a Varsity-worthy play. I haven't seen much Varsity ball just yet, but I said yes because I can't imagine it wasn't. He seemed pleased by that.)

He also doubled down the left field line (his first extra-base hit of the season) and scored his first run of the season. (And in the interest of full disclosure, he struck out looking in his first at-bat. But we won't focus on that.)

In the end, the Dons won 14-2. Isaac was chipper and chatty on the way home, which made my heart happy because he's often very hard on himself. So for the sweetness of a big win and the extra super sweetness of a child who's pleased with his performance, I'm thankful.

March 14

Sometimes it's all about locating the bright spots and focusing on them until they eclipse the darkness.

Take Brady's Intermediates game this evening. It was, by and large, a largely unmitigated disaster. The opponents' starting pitcher was an unusually large, extraordinarily hard-throwing kid who basically mowed down our offense from top to bottom. Brady --who batted leadoff-- was mad when he struck out, as it was his first K of the season. (I know because I could see him mumbling to himself as he marched back to the dugout.) And on top of that, although our two pitchers (shout out to Randy Johnson) did well, our defense wasn't quite as sharp as it needed to be.

But, as previously suggested, there were bright spots for Brady. For one, he broke up the other team's no-hitter by singling to left field late in the game. (And in fact, that one hit was the only one his team managed.) For another, he pitched 2 1/3 innings and gave up just one earned run. And on top of that, he struck out the very dominant pitcher who struck him out to start the game. And he did it with a pitch in the dirt that made the kid flail and look kind of silly. He smirked afterward, I assume because it must feel pretty amazing to be a 13-year old who strikes out an otherwise incredibly dominant player who's the size of a very athletic 16-year old. A sort of David and Goliath kind of moment.

So today, I'm thankful for big bright spots that help to make the darkness seem a little less dark.

March 13

Isaac had a game at De La Salle this afternoon. For the non-locals, De La Salle is an all-boys Catholic school about 40 minutes north. And they have an excellent (epic, really; the movie "When the Game Stands Tall" is about their football team's winning streak) athletic department. 

So it wasn't super surprising when Amador lost today's match-up. But it was still a notable game for Isaac because it was a game of firsts that included the following seasonal milestones: 

* his first hit-by-pitch (in his first at-bat, he took one off the kneecap. Ouch) 

* his first strikeout (in his second at-bat and it was swinging at least, so better than if he'd been looking) 

* his first time being picked off (from second base after the hit-by-pitch. He told me after the game that his coach kept telling him "more, more, more" meaning "take more steps away from second base." After the pick-off coach told him "a little less next time." Ha)

* his first hit (a solid single into the gap in right center)

* his first RBI (on the aforementioned hit)

Strikeout and pickoff notwithstanding, he was in a chipper mood on the way home, and I am thankful for that. I'm thankful for his first hit of the season and for how getting it helped to elevate his mood. And I'm thankful that he's having fun on the field. 

And I'm thankful that it's time for sleep, because I. Am. Tired.

March 12

To say that we're in the thick of baseball season would be an accurate statement. Between Isaac and Brady it's go, go, go more often than it isn't.

With that said, Brady was actually slated to have a rare day off and had settled in playing a video game at the dining room table after school. But then I received an eleventh hour text from his Intermediates coach explaining that one of the boys scheduled to play in tonight's House game was injured and would Brady like to play after all? And of course he did. It took him about two minutes to change into his uniform and then we were off.

Since it was a House game (versus a Gold game), the competition wasn't as stiff as it could've been, so Brady's team came away with an 11-1 mercy rule-dictated win. He batted second in the order and went 3 for 3, with two singles and a double that narrowly missed leaving the ballpark.

Although I'd been looking forward to date night with Adam, I was happy to sit and watch Brady play. I know these days will pass quickly so I'm grateful for the opportunity to soak up the moments as they come.

March 11

I'm not huge on Mondays in general and today was a doozy so I was worn out even before the sun dipped out of sight.

My knees let me know it was raining when I woke up, which is always an auspicious way to start a day. Then there were various scheduling issues that required copious amounts of attention and baseball practices and other niggling little worries that kept my tummy tied in a partial knot. And then this evening I narrowly escaped being rear-ended by a speeding car on the freeway; I glanced up and saw it coming at me far too quickly and then I heard the frantic squealing of tires and stomped on my accelerator to get out of the way as my heart leapt into my throat and somehow, somehow, the anticipated impact never came. But the fright wiped out any trace of energy I had left. So I came home and sat down and just cried. Because, well, Monday. 

But there were bright spots, and I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge them. The accident that should've happened but did not was God at work keeping us (and I say "us" because Isaac was with me) safe. A baseball carpool situation resolved itself thanks to some parents who stepped up. I had a pleasant text exchange with one of my brothers. And I got to enjoy one of my hobbies with Brady.

My muffin likes doing things; he likes to cook and weave and rug hook, and he'd previously expressed interest in gardening. So I had him help me start some bean plants after school. He spread the soil in the starter tray and carefully put a seed in each cell and carried the tray inside and placed it in the kitchen window and listened as I explained the care procedures.

Gardening --the smell and feel of soil, the satisfaction of burying a seed and waiting for it to sprout-- is soothing to me, so it was a blessing to be able to share it with him. And after the kind of day it was, a comforting experience shared with one of my babies is just what I needed.

March 10

Today is Adam's birthday, so now he's 46 just like his sugar mama. (That would be me. I'm the sugar mama.)

Since Abby's flight back to Chicago was this morning and Brady had a game in the South Bay early this afternoon, we flipped the usual script and celebrated with cake --angel food with lemon glaze, made by our girl-- early in the day. (But have no fear: the presents came after dinner and before we played a round of a Monopoly card game.)

A little while ago, as we settled in for a little evening TV, I asked if he'd had a good day, and he replied that it'd been fine; a good family kind of day. And I was glad to hear it, because he should have good birthdays. He's a good husband and a good father and a good man. Great, really. Far better than I ever thought I deserved or would ever have. He's intelligent and hard-working and caring and kind. And he always strives to be the best person he can be, which inspires me to try harder, too.

So today, I'm thankful for 46 years of my hunny, and I'm grateful that God paired us up all those years ago. 

March 9

It was a long, baseball-heavy Saturday.

But between the games, we were able to finally acknowledge Abby's 4.0 first semester with ice cream. And I was able to sneak in another one of those sweet sibling pics that I so love and treasure.

She heads back to school for the last two months of her sophomore year tomorrow and I know we'll all miss having her around. (Even Brady, who remarked this afternoon that he felt like Abby hadn't been here very long at all and asked when she'd be back for the summer.)

But I know that Wheaton is where she belongs for now. I'm certain of it, even as her own sense of certainty wavers. And I know the next few months will fly by and she'll be back in the nest before I can blink. So for all of that, I am grateful.

March 8

Abby was originally supposed to spend the bulk of the day with her grandma, but a mid-morning text explaining that grandma wasn't feeling well left her without a plan. So we made a new one.

Following the usual stop at the Mother Ship, we swung through the drive-thru at McD's so she could satisfy her long-standing hankering for a McMuffin. 

From there we went to Target for funsies, and then to Crumbl, where I bought her a blueberry cheesecake cookie as partial payment for cleaning the boys' bathroom yesterday. (She was still probably under compensated.)

We capped off the morning festivities with lunch at Denica's. It opened relatively recently and neither of us had been, so it seemed like as good a time as any to try it out. (The verdict: pricey but big, tasty portions.)

It all served as an important reminder for me: sometimes plans change and things don't go the way we'd expected them to go. And that can be hard to accept. But changes in plans can also give rise to unexpected blessings -- like another full morning out and about with my one and only girl.

March 7

After a few rain-related cancellations, Brady's Intermediates team finally played their first game this evening.

It was chilly outside and the game was a high-scoring affair so it went on (and, if you ask Abby, on and on). Although Brady's team wound up on the losing end, my muffin played well. He batted second and was plunked in the leg by the first pitch he saw. Then he doubled to left during his second at-bat, and dropped a looping single into right field his third time up. He never got to come around and score, but he did drive in a run on one of his hits. So yes, it was a good evening at the plate.

After the post-game meeting, I told the kiddos to get together because I wanted to take a sibling pic, so here it is. Although I will forever wish Logan could be in photos like this, I'm grateful for these three and for how much joy they bring to my life just by being themselves. And my prayer is that they will always know how precious they are to me and to God.

March 6

It was another pleasant kid-centric morning for this blessed mom.

After we dropped Isaac off at school, Abby, Brady, and I headed over to the Mother Ship, where we enjoyed a lively roundtable discussion with a handful of the usual suspects. (Actually, to be more accurate, the two of them sat side-by-side snickering to themselves as the older folks talked. And I so loved watching them --my kiddos, not the usual suspects-- connect and giggle.)

From there, Abby and I dropped Brady off at school and hightailed it over to Costco so I could have the new set of tires I ordered a few weeks ago installed on my car. We leisurely strolled around the warehouse as we waited, did some actual shopping, and checked out just as the tire center called to let me know they were finished with my newly re-shod ride. 

So yes, it was a lovely morning spent doing ordinary things with these amazing people. And I am thankful.

March 5

It was Date Night with a twist.

Because this time, Abby joined us for dinner while the boys were at Youth Group.

Aside from my weekly Starbucks dates with Brady, we actually have relatively little one-on-one time with any of the kiddos, so it was nice to enjoy a meal with just her, our oldest child and one and only girl. 

There were no groundbreaking discussions or exchanges, but it was a blessing to spend time together. And I am grateful for those minutes. (And for some really good Mexican food, too, because that's never a bad thing.)

March 4

Abby and I hung out after we took the brositos to school this morning.

And it was marvelous. We went to the Mother Ship of course. From there we hit Target, because she wanted to find some cute workout shorts. And then --much to her surprise-- I suggested the mall, so we headed over to Stoneridge, which was beautifully devoid of fellow shoppers.

We strolled along both stories, meandering in and out of various stores. Highlights included Miniso, where she hugged and partially bonded with a giant Pooh Bear, Bath and Body Works, where I found a deliciously-scented almost croissant Wallflower that I decided I needed to try out, and a bakery so Abby could actually taste an almond croissant. (She liked it, I think.)

All in all, it was a very fun morning with my girl. And I'm very thankful for those moments with her.

March 3

When we were all sitting side by side by side, shoulder to shoulder in church this morning, it occurred to me that I really wanted someone to take a photo of all of us. 

So after the service ended, we gathered in front of the hearth out in the family room and my friend Judy snapped the pic.

So here we are -- My family in its current state. Brady is closing in and I'm closer than ever to being the shortest of the bunch. Isaac passed Adam and is officially the tallest. Abby is the most meticulously dressed. And Logan isn't pictured, of course, but I can still "see" him there in each of us.

Yep, it's snapshot of us in the moment. And I am grateful for this moment and for all of the moments that have been and will be.

March 2

Since my girl is home and the rain canceled all baseball-related activity, she and I did a little window (and some actual) shopping today.

There were stops at Walmart and Target (because they're our usual faves) and the Dollar Tree for envelopes (so she can mail in her tax returns -- woohoo for adulthood!) and JoAnn for some yarn so we can explore making a specific summer top she saw and liked.

It was fun being out with her again. So today I'm grateful for breaks from school and for time with my amazing Abby.

March 1

I waited all day for Abby to get home for Spring Break and then just a very little while ago, very close to midnight, she finally walked through the door.

I'm so glad to have my one and only girl home for the next week. The boys have school (and baseball) of course so we're not going anywhere and we don't have any grand plans, but having her here is like having the band back together. (Or as together as our band ever can be.)

So for that, I am thankful.