May 31

The weather couldn't seem to make up its mind today. It alternated repeatedly between warm, sunny, windy, cloudy, and cool. But the sky was always worthy of notice.

It's never a bad thing to look up at the wonder in the sky --the colors, the way the clouds dance in the breeze-- and think of Heaven. I'm thankful for that.

May 30

I hear a lot of what my kids say, but I don't think I usually pay enough attention to their creativity.

Today, as we walked down one of our usually traversed streets, Brady ran up to this tree and excitedly twittered that he was about to take a trip through the jungle. I watched as he carefully bobbed and weaved his way through the tree's branches.

And then, just a few seconds later, the moment was over, and we continued on our way. It's so easy to miss the sweet little moments, but it's a blessing when I remember to pay attention to them. (And yes, I feel like I've had several similar observations lately, but that must mean I need to keep the idea in mind.)

May 29

I wasn't really "looking" today. It's been a frustrating few days, and my heart just hasn't been in the hunt, so I probably missed a lot of nice little winks. I'm going to make a concerted effort to do better tomorrow. But this is what I came up with for today.

This morning, the school held its annual volunteer recognition ceremony. It's held out on the blacktop behind the school and features the kids singing songs for the parents who attend. When I arrived, I spotted Isaac's class pretty handily, but didn't see Abby's. I circled the group, looking at each face from a distance, and finally determined that her class was missing from the bunch.

I was confused over why they weren't there with the rest of the school and a little disappointed that they'd miss their very last one (since they'll be off to middle school this fall).

Well, just as the other three fifth grade classes stood up and began singing their tune --the last of the bunch-- her class finally emerged, single-file, from a nearby classroom. I immediately spotted Abby, who was marching along and singing in rather animated fashion. They may have been late, but they made an entrance.

Don't think that I'm saying that God is ever late --His timing is perfect, after all-- but I think we see a lot of what He does in this fashion. It can often feel like we're bound for disappointment but then voila, He pops up at the last possible second with an amazing solution to our issue that's even better than the "perfect" solution we'd had in mind.

So for those unexpected but surprisingly cool and notable "entrances" we sometimes encounter in this life, I'm thankful.

May 28

It'd been a while since I'd seen a brand new little Corvette, so I was kind of surprised to find one this morning at Target.

I was especially tickled over it because it wasn't with most of the other Hot Wheels cars; instead, it was on the pegs alongside --what else?-- the Pixar Cars. The Cars with Faces, as I can recall Logan calling them.

I know I'm a broken record, but the love is so often in the little things that are so easy to miss.

May 27

As the school year winds down, the end-of-year activities ramp up. Today, Abby and her classmates took the annual fifth graders' trip to an Oakland A's game. Since Adam was able to work from home, I went along as a chaperone/driver. These five were my girls for the day:

As we drove to the Coliseum, I listened to the twittering and giggling and singing from the back seat and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude wash over me. I won't pull any punches here: Abby absolutely makes me nuts sometimes. In fact, she made me nuts this morning when she had a massive tantrum over me brushing her hair for her. (It was a mess. It had to be done.) But listening to her laughing with her friends --with these girls she's been in class with since, in some cases, kindergarten-- was like listening to a clip of the best symphony ever played.

I'm thankful that I now have that special memory, and for good and kind girls who were raised by good and kind parents.

May 26

I don't bring it up often because it's not something I choose to focus my energy on, but I have arthritis in a few different joints. I've been very achy over the past few weeks, and haven't slept particularly well as a result.

After clunking around all day today, this evening I went to a meeting at church --that quite truthfully, part of me wanted to skip-- and felt so blessed to find this marvelously comfy chair sitting there like it was waiting for me.

It was, as always, a blessing to spend time with my fellow deacons. But it was also a blessing to be comfortable while I was there since recent times have seen me feeling decidedly not so.

It's one of those very, very small things that means a whole lot.

May 25

We walked a path we don't usually take this afternoon.

The Little Boys ran along, kicking up dust with the toes of their shoes, while Abby stopped now and again to examine the flowers that still bloomed amid the dried-out weeds.

At one point, I stopped for a moment to listen to the breeze as it rustled those golden stalks. It really is God's music, I think. And I'm thankful that I took the time to appreciate it.

May 24

I don't think I take enough time to really stop and smell the roses; to admire the vibrant array of colors that decorate the world. But I did pause to take a closer look at this sweet bloom this afternoon.

I've developed an affinity for variegated roses in recent years. There's something so lovely about the way the colors blend together to create a whole that's beautifully complex yet still, at its root, just a rose.

I'm thankful for reminders that simple things are often beautiful, especially in a world that's so obsessed with getting more and trying to rise to the top of the proverbial heap.

May 23

Quick and simple one today.

As we walked this afternoon, Abby was right by my side, chattering consistently about school and her friends and what she wants to do this summer. At one point, while I was consoling Brady --who took a tumble and scraped his hand-- she stopped to gather a handful of wildflowers, which she then presented to me.

Those harmonious times... blessings indeed.

May 22

Last night, Adam and I watched "Mom's Night Out." I only had vague notions of what it was about and the kids gave it to me for Mother's Day, so we thought we'd give it a whirl.

In the end, it surprised me for a few different reasons. First off, it has overtly Christian themes to it; the characters talk about love and hope and redemption through Christ. That's rare when it comes to Hollywood flicks that are actually released in theaters.

Beyond that, I got a surprise when I checked out the cast on IMDB. As I scanned the list of actors, one name stuck out like a sweet, sore thumb: Andrea Logan White. When I got over the initial surprise and clicked to read her bio, she was listed as simply Logan White.

Let's see: an overtly religious film about moms accepting themselves for who they are because they're the perfect mothers for their own children that stars someone named Logan White. I'd call that a wink.

May 21

Lately, whenever I leave the house to get the mail or go to the store in the evening, this is what I see when I step out onto the porch.

They wave and blow kisses and make the I love you sign and press their faces against the glass.

Everyone loves to feel loved, and these two guys make me feel important and appreciated in the simplest but best ways.

May 20

It's hard to believe that Brady has just one year of preschool remaining. It's harder to believe that I have just one year of preschool remaining. Yikes. How did that happen? All four kids have enjoyed their time at SLP, and in recent years, that's been largely because of the efforts of this gal.

Corie wasn't our first preschool teacher, but she had both Isaac and Brady in her class, and it's been a blessing to see her love the kids and befriend the adults. Honestly, I look at some people and wonder why, exactly, they chose their professions. I don't do that with her; she's in her element, doing what God planned for her to do.

And for her obedience to her call and her kindness and patience, I'm thankful.

May 19

Those boring little in-between moments are so easy to miss and yet so valuable.

Between pick-ups today, the Little Boys wanted to sit in the baby swings at the park. Honestly, given that Isaac is over four feet tall now, I feel like he's too big for it, but I told him he could swing with Brady if he could get into the seat on his own.

And of course, he did just that. So they swung together for a few minutes, laughing and holding hands as they swayed to and fro in a single harmonious motion.

Those little moments of peace... parental bliss.

May 18

Isaac is really (really) into baseball right now. He loves watching A's games, he can identify several players by sight, and he's fascinated by understanding how the game works. Last night, feeling inspired by some of the signs he's seen fans holding up during games, he decided to make a few of his own. This is one of them.

It may be a little hard to make out some of the text, but he's basically cheering several players. (And of course, asking to be put on TV.)

But my favorite part is the little rhyme at the end that mentions Coco Crisp. Admittedly, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but he was so proud of devising a poem (or "pome," as he wrote it) that he literally twittered when reading it to me for the first time.

For my kids' God-given creativity and enthusiasm, I'm so thankful.

May 17

Just a brief one for today.

The moment came and went so quickly that I didn't have a chance to snap an pic, so this is about as close as I could get to representing that stitch in time.

As is our Sunday custom, we visited Logan's grave site this afternoon. Just as we were getting ready to drive off, Adam suddenly pointed out the window.

So I looked, and hovering right over Logan's spot was a little hummingbird. It hovered in place for just a moment, feverishly flapping its tiny wings, before it headed off to its next destination.

It felt like a special moment, so I looked up the meaning of hummingbirds and discovered that they're sometimes viewed by Christians as symbols of the resurrection of Christ.

A lovely, pointed little reminder --and encouragement-- that though the clouds may come and storms may rage, life continues on beyond what we can see.

May 16

We went for a walk this evening. Given that it's mid-May, the air had a more significant chill to it than I might have expected, but it was still pleasant enough outside. Since we haven't had much rain, the greenery is mostly brownery, so a handful of deep pink rose petals caught my eye.

At first, I saw just one. But when I looked more closely, I realized the ground was actually dotted with those petals; those little points of vibrant light.

I know life is like that for me sometimes: there are plenty of bright lights, but it can be hard to see them amid the difficult, mundane, or less pleasant elements. So it was good to be reminded both that the good things are there and that they're plentiful, even if I have to squint a little bit to see them at times.

May 15

Today featured a few nice little tidbits that could easily work their way into this entry. For one, I had some nice time to myself at Starbucks. Then, I saw a friend I don't see often, and had the chance to sit and talk with her for a while. Her family is coping with a major illness so it was good --therapeutic, even-- to share our experiences and feelings. Then I headed over to preschool to pick up Brady and attend the school year's final chapel session.

There's something utterly precious about chapel. It is, of course, geared toward three and four year olds, but I always come away feeling like my own faith has been strengthened by hearing about the adventures of Freddie the Frog and singing those simple but catchy tunes (that often come back to mind while in the shower or getting ready to conduct an interview). God is watchin', watchin' over you....

I am deeply grateful for the care and guidance that I and all four of my children have received there. (And I'm even more grateful that Brady still has a year to go before he starts Big School!)

May 14

It actually rained today!

I know that's not particularly exciting for my friends back home, but around these parts, it's a big deal.

Of course, the timing of the biggest downpour was about as bad as it could be --right around the time the bell rang to indicate the end of Abby's school day-- but rain is rain, and we'll take it how and when we can get it! I didn't think to take a photo at the time, but I did take a video, just because it was so incredibly novel to see so much rain coming down at once.

To quote a song (or two), rain is a good thing!

May 13

I've found that recent days haven't brought big, obvious winks my way. Instead, I've had small, blink-and-you-miss-them moments. Here's one from this afternoon.

While my dear friend J and I sat on a bench in the preschool play yard and talked after school, our boys ventured outside the gate and explored the books on display for the week's book sale. We were in the middle of a fairly serious discussion when I glanced over and saw that the boys had plunked down to get an up-close look at a few of their favorite volumes.

So much innocence and sweetness in those faces.

The world is an imperfect place, but there's so much of the face of God in the faces of children that it can take your breath away, if you let it happen.

May 12

Kids can be so creative.

Today, while we waited for Isaac to get out of class, Brady plunked down on the pavement and announced that we were going to play Cars Ball.

Honestly, even after listening to him describe the game and hearing him periodically announce the "score," I still have no idea how it's actually played. All I know is we used die-cast Pixar Cars to smack a small rubber ball back and forth. And that was that.

Even if I don't get it, it's a blessing to see creativity in action. It gives me hope that the future will be a bright place for my children.

May 11

The fifth graders graduated from DARE this evening, so Abby and I headed off to the local theater for the festivities.

There were a few short essays read and the kids all congregated on stage to sing a few songs.

But what really got my attention --and made me laugh-- was the slide show at the very end of the evening. The kids laughed and applauded as the images were displayed. After one song finished, the second song --Katy Perry's "Roar"-- began. And those kids nearly blew the roof off singing along with the chorus. It tickled my funny bone so soundly that I recorded a clip of them so Adam could hear it later on.

The amusing nature of the experience aside, it's such a blessing to see Abby happy and taking part in something silly. She's had to deal with a lot of unfairness in her lifetime, so those moments of lighthearted fun with friends are beyond priceless to me.

May 10

Mother's Day isn't my favorite holiday. It's just difficult to be cheerful on a day devoted to celebrating motherhood when a big part of my heart is no longer walking around on this earth. But when I look hard enough, I can find bright spots. This was one of today's.

Isaac was very excited to see his cousin Theo this afternoon. Theo is a little less than three months old, and Isaac was eager to hold him. So they sat together on the couch for a little while, and Isaac totally beamed.

It was like a flashback to Logan with Brady. I can still remember them sitting together on Logan's hospital bed when Brady was teeny tiny. I remember how Logan would tendering touch his hair and nuzzle his cheek, and how they'd just lie together, napping or watching TV. I remember marveling over how comfortable they were together: the biggest brother and the littlest brother.

So today, I'm thankful that the sight of these two together brought back those sweet memories.

May 9

Isaac had a t-ball game today, which of course meant that he got to don his A's uniform and hit the diamond. It also meant that Abby got to hang out with Tessa.

Tessa's twin plays on Isaac's team. Although Abby swears up and down that she has zero interest in having a little sister, she's taken a liking to Tessa. It's not uncommon to see them sitting together at games, drawing with chalk or reading books or just puttering around (while paying virtually no attention to the game).

It's a blessing to me to see her acting as a positive role model for a younger girl. It's a blessing to realize that despite my many, many failings, she's still a sweet, smart, kind girl.

May 8

Every year, the preschool hosts a Mommy and Me Tea. There's a cute little slideshow featuring photos from the school year that's shown in the church and then we go to the classroom to have tea (for the mommies) and treats. Before the slideshow, the preschoolers file into the sanctuary and present the mommies with roses.

Brady and some of his friends were a little confused about what they were supposed to do this morning :) but eventually, he came to me, handed me a red rose, and sat down. They're typically instructed to say something --like Happy Mother's Day-- when they present the flower, but Brady just smiled and shrugged.

We watched the presentation, and then as we stood up to head out for tea, he finally said, in a near-whisper, "I love you."

I love those little moments.

My feelings about Mother's Day are so complicated that I'm not even sure I fully understand them myself, but it's a blessing to hear those "I love yous" now and then.

May 7

I don't cook as often as I could, but I enjoy the process quite a lot. Tonight, I made calzones for dinner.

It's an awesome blessing to be able to look up a recipe online, raid my fridge and find the ingredients, and then just... create. And eat. It's immensely satisfying to feed my family and I'm thankful to have the resources readily available to do it.

May 6

Sometimes, I'm flat-out amazed by some of the experiences I've had in this life. Today, for example, I got to interview Robert Herjavec. As a huge 'Dancing with the Stars' fan and a huge fan of Team Sharkaroo (which I know makes no sense if you're not a fan, but that's the team name for Robert and his pro partner, Kym Johnson), it was a big-big-big deal. So I enjoyed it quite a lot. But the funny thing is, I enjoyed the everyday kind of experience that I had with Abby this evening just as much.

After dinner, I asked her if she wanted to go for a quick stroll with me. After confirming that I didn't mean a long walk, she agreed to come along... if she could read aloud to me along the way. So that's what we did: she read me a few chapters from an old Baby-Sitters Club book as we circled the park. And it was a lovely way to close out the evening.

Life is a string of moments, some big and memorable, some small and mundane. The challenge is remembering to place value on every moment, and I feel blessed that I'm inclined to do just that.

May 5

Sometimes, I'm amazed by how good and quiet little people can be.

Brady and his friend E very patiently played a game while a group of us moms got together for coffee this morning. They didn't misbehave, they weren't unduly noisy, and they didn't really complain (other than sharing that they were hungry and thirsty now and then, which were obviously issues that were easy to remedy given that we were in a coffee shop!).

It's a blessing to have kids who don't act like hooligans in public! That's an easy one to overlook, but it's pretty darn huge, if you ask me.

May 4

I was surprised when I stepped outside this morning and it was actually cold. It was a shock to my system after a weekend in warm, sunny southern California. But we toughed it out and headed to school (of course!).

It's teacher appreciation week, and I stood back and watched as Isaac and some of his classmates compared the flowers they'd brought along for their teacher.

Ruminating over how much he once struggled with basic speech, it's amazing to see him talking and joking with his peers in such a natural, carefree way. It's a blessing to see him continuing to grow and develop into such a fun-loving, sensitive, and sweet little guy.

May 3

I was blessed to attend college in a really beautiful place.

I think that to some degree, I realized that while I was there, but it was easy to forget just how lovely it is while I was gone. So it was a blessing to be back there once again this weekend, remembering what was and marveling over how much it's changed. And over how much I've changed. My life isn't perfect and there are certainly things I wish with everything I have that I could change, but I'm content. And that's a truth of immeasurable worth.

May 2

It really doesn't seem like it's been 15 years since I finished college. It's almost as if I blinked a few times and bam, here I am. Fortunately, I have no great regrets. It's been great to be in Claremont this weekend, wandering around the school and getting little whiffs of the past in the form of a sight here or a smell there.

Minor troubles and stressors aside, my college experience was a positive one, and it served as the staging area for much of my life. I met Adam here, I met some pretty awesome lifelong-worthy friends here, and I learned a lot about what it means to be a good, thoughtful person here.

And even beyond all of those wonderful things, I think I got my first taste of what it felt like to really rely on God to carry me through tough times while I was here. So for all of that --for the memories and the laughs and the fun of remembering and even the harder times that still make me wince when they come to mind-- I'm thankful. Without any one of them, I wouldn't truly be the me I was intended to be.

But before I close out for the night, I have to address one of these photos in particular: the one that features the fountain. I liked the fountains while I was a student (well, except the days when I was thrown into them, but that's another tale in and of itself for the non-initiated), but I didn't love this one until about seven years ago. We were down in Southern California for one reason for another and decided to stop by campus for a quick visit. Abby and Logan were young, and we paused beside this particular fountain for a little break. Adam and I turned our heads for --literally-- about 20 seconds, and when we whirled around again, we found a buck-naked Logan happily splashing in the water. He was having a great time; he'd instinctively ripped off his clothes and jumped in. No inhibitions. So unlike both of us. So incredibly amazing and free. We had a fit laughing before we scooped him out of the water, but the mental soundtrack from that little vignette in time really stuck with me.

He didn't get to be with us here for long, but it took him just seconds to make a memory for me to carry around in my heart. He didn't get to go to school here or grow up or meet scores of people, but he was here in this place that matters so much to our family's history. And being able to remember him here means so much.

May 1

My 15th college reunion is this weekend, and some great old friends and I decided to attend some of the festivities. So Kristine and I caught a flight to Southern CA this afternoon. After a few assorted snags like a three hour flight delay, a deleted electronic boarding pass, two trips through security, and a nearly-lost bag, we met up with Irene post-flight to begin our blast to the past.

We may be very different people with vastly different jobs, lives, and opinions, but I love these girls. They're a big part of why I stuck around our school following a less-than-awesome first semester, which means they're a big part of why my life has gone the way it's gone.

For the ways that they've helped to insure that my life is as rich as it is, I'll always be thankful.