June 30

This evening went something like this: I made dinner. Adam came home. We ate dinner. I headed out for a walk (even though it was still 100 degrees out and the air was rather still). I just needed some alone time, and the oppressive heat was enough to keep most other people tucked comfortably inside their houses. When I got home 40 minutes later, I found these on the stove:

The dinner pots and pans, cleaned and ready to be put away.

I don't praise him publicly nearly enough, but Adam is a great partner. A lot of men won't clean or cook or help with the kids, but he's not one of those guys. He does all of that, and nearly always with a smile.

I'm blessed to have him every single day, and our kids are blessed to have him as a role model.

June 29

Restless children often transform into cranky children, and that's pretty much what I had to deal with all day long. By the time we got around to our weekly Costco visit trip this evening, I'd had more than enough for one day. Thankfully, an unexpected person came to the rescue as I huffed and puffed my way up and down the aisles, trying hard not to blow my top.

Abby watched me bubble and boil for a few minutes before she grabbed the Little Boys' hands, and announced that they were going to play "The Human Chain" game. I listened as she explained the game to them; how they'd need to hold hands --form a chain-- and not let go until they reached the checkout line. And they actually played along with "the game."

It's a blessing when my kids surprise me for all the right reasons.

June 28

I like and appreciate a lot of things about summertime. I like going for evening walks. I like the warm weather. And I like spending virtually all of my time with my family. So tonight represented a triple-win as we enjoyed a pre-bedtime stroll in the waning sunlight.

I really don't have anything especially groundbreaking to say, but that's okay. Not every single observation has to be of great importance, and not every single sighting of God's goodness will make the news. I'm just enjoying my own bounty of summer blessing one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

June 27

Today we took our annual trek to the county fair. Recent temps have verged on oppressive, but fortunately for us, today's weather was quite lovely: 80s and partly sunny. We watched the Alaskan racing pigs surge around their little oval track, saw a trio of stunt riders execute a series of crazy-looking aerials, and cheered as the kids competed in the pedal tractor pull (just like I did ions ago). We looked at the farm animals and an eclectic set of collections (which included Brady's favorite, which featured lots of "Cars" paraphernalia) and successfully finished a scavenger hunt. And I learned, from looking at the numerous pieces hanging in the courtyard, that my daughter has a real affinity for abstract art.

As our excursion came to a close in the early evening hours, we did as we've done each year in recent history and took silly photobooth pics.

They truly are pretty terrible images. It's really difficult to squeeze five people into the teeny tiny space and then actually sit relatively still while four separate photos are taken. But I love them anyway, because they bring us together (literally). And even better, when we're all together, it's almost like Logan is with us even though in a physical sense, he's not.

So yeah: the silly, bad pictures are a blessing.

June 26

I feel like it's been a while since I last stepped outside for an evening stroll, looked up and the sky, and said "wow." But I did it this evening when I saw this:

So much beautiful light. So many lovely, float-y clouds. Such intricate, breathtaking artistry.

There are talented artists in this world, but God truly paints the best pictures of all.

June 25

The temperature soared into the triple digits today. So save a trip to Target to get cat food, we stayed inside. Then this evening, after Adam (and Abby, who joined him for Take Your Kid to Work Day) got home and we'd had dinner, I braved the lingering mid-80 degree weather and took a walk by myself. There weren't many folks out, and the hum of air conditioner units created a peaceful din that took me back to way-back-when, when I'd fall asleep on the kitchen floor to the warm, moist hum of our dishwasher.

As my stroll came to a close, I looked down and saw this along the sidewalk:

It is, of course, plain old bug damage that creates the appearance of tiny hearts on the flower's petals, but what beautiful damage, I think. And a yet another nice reminder that pretty, meaningful things can arise from less-than-ideal situations and circumstances.

June 24

With a few Starbucks freebies burning a hole in my gold card, these little goofballs accompanied me to use one of them this morning.

There's plenty of utterly lovable silliness in this image, but two things struck me as items for which I'm particularly thankful. One, they were both thrilled to sit there and drink tall ice waters even though I plunked down a much larger, much frou-frou'ier beverage on the table for myself. Not a peep of complaint from either party. Two, they shared a single chair and neither offered up a single world of protest. Even though the place was (rather surprisingly) crowded for 10 AM mid-week, I'd briefly scanned the room for a spare. But I'd sprung into mental action prematurely: before I could act, they'd created an invisible line down the center of a single seat and plopped down right next to each other with nothing but contentment on their faces.

Ah, sweet harmony.

June 23

We went to Costco tonight. Abby spent the day with Adam's mom, so it was just me, Adam, and the Little Boys along for the ride.

After an animated dinner in the food court, we set off with the shopping cart to gather our groceries.

Along the way, Brady was in rare form, giggling and smiling and prattling on about this and that. It made me remember the days when it was Logan laughing and having fun in those very same aisles, and I'm so thankful for those memories and for the way the past intermingles so beautifully with the present.

June 22

During the final days of the school year, Abby asked if we could have breakfast at the Black Bear Diner sometime over the summer. I said okay, so that's what we did this morning.

But when we first piled into the car to head out, I noticed that the needle on the gas gauge was below the big E. And not just below it, actually: well below it.

I'll admit it: I white-knuckled it as I drove toward the gas station. I listened intently for any little knock foretelling an impending stall. But we made it, and my very thirsty car took plenty of fuel. And then lickety-split, with the brief blip in the radar in the past, we were off to enjoy our planned brunch of mini volcanoes (them) and eggs benedict (me).

But looking at that gauge made me think of how often people live this life while running on empty. And it also reminded me, on a personal level, to remember to refuel by praying and seeking God. So in a way, I guess you could say that I'm thankful for our unexpected little side trip.

June 21

The truth is that it's very, very easy to focus on what we've lost. And in some ways, it makes complete sense that we do just that: after all, it's totally, completely, and utterly justifiable to mourn someone who departed this life far too soon. It's normal to pine for that person and to imagine what he or she would be like if they hadn't been dealt such a crummy hand. It's normal to look at an empty chair and to wonder what that special missing person would be doing if he or she hadn't had to go. And holidays, of course, are extra challenging for us. I think Mother's Day may be the worst of all for me, and I suspect that Father's Day is equally brutal for Adam.

But I think if I've learned one thing over the past three-plus years, it's to appreciate --fully-- what we do have. And this is part of what we have:

Today, we went to the A's game with Adam's parents, brother and sister-in-law, sister, and nephew. (You can't see little Theo, but he's there under the "Theo" button. Like any self-respecting four-month old, he powered down shortly after arrival.) Logan is the only one missing, of course, but I can see bits and pieces of him in every single face in this photo.

It's a blessing to have family close by, and it's an even bigger blessing to be able to get together for a pleasant, lazy afternoon with a group of people who love and miss my Sunshine, too.

June 20

Dance recital day is always bittersweet. It's fun to watch all the girls' (and boys') and teachers' hard work finally come to fruition in the form of a trio of hour-long shows. And in recent years, it's been fun to dance with Abby on stage. Tiring to herd kids behind the scenes (and doubly so when it's 95 degrees outside), but worth the effort.

Of course, it's also bitter because Logan isn't there to be part of the fun. There's a boy on team who's quite good. He has blond hair and dances with great passion and intensity, just like my Sunshine used to, way back when; just like I know in my heart he would if he were still walking among us. But still, there are moments of comfort that arise: in the feeling I get when I'm up there performing, in dancing with his big sister and best friend, in the little signal that I sent Heavenward whenever we finish performing our routine. And in this scene.

The lights. The balloons. The entire cast gathered on stage for the final moments of each show.

It's comfortable. It's familiar. And it's also a place where I have memories of Logan. He danced for just a single year before we found out he was sick, but that single year looms large in my mind and in my heart.

And for that memory and for how the sight of those lights make me feel, I'm thankful. And I'm also thankful that today, Lambie came along to watch the show. I had to choke back emotion when Adam handed him to me after the final curtain, but it was perfect. He should be there for important moments.

June 19

Tomorrow is recital day, so today was, of course, rehearsal day.

This is this year's mother/daughter group. It's our fourth time doing the class, and I think the routines get faster and more complicated every year. But it's fun. It's fun to spend time with my girl (even if class is at 8:30 on Saturday morning) and it's fun to dance together. I grew up dancing, so it's meaningful for me to be able to share a stage with her, even if it's just for a few years. It's a blessing to me to be able to share something with her that was so much a part of my life way back then.

June 18

It's the little things, really. I've said --repeatedly-- of late that I do my freelance writing just for fun, because goodness knows it doesn't pay much at all. But despite my claims, I've been thinking of taking a long break, just out a frustration with the sheer lack of traffic most of my pieces receive. Then this happened.

For some reason, Yahoo apparently decided to let this one random little article of mine through to its front page. And my traffic absolutely skyrocketed.

Again, it's a small thing that, in the grand scheme of my life, doesn't matter much at all. But it gave me a little motivation to keep plugging away, and I'm thankful to finally get some encouragement.

June 17

Today was a much-appreciated bum-around-and-do-nothing kind of day. Sort of. I wound up transcribing and posting my backlog of interviews from the past week, and the kiddos played a bunch of different games. Given that most of them didn't involve running, screaming, or injury, I felt a sense of contentment with how it all rolled.

Abby picked this little bunch of flowers from the in-laws' garden on Sunday afternoon. I took a good look at them just now while I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. I admired their delicate beauty: the petals' soft, silky texture and bold yet simultaneously subtle shading. And I once again marveled over the many lovely things that God created for us to enjoy during our tenure in this world.

June 16

I own it: I was worried that my kids would be attacking each other constantly by today. But to my delight, they actually got along quite well, with Abby watching TV and playing a computer game and the Little Boys playing one of Isaac's new Wii games. (I know: no Parent of the Year trophy for me. It's all good.) Then this evening, after a surprisingly harmonious family trip to Costco, Adam and I settled down to watch the Warriors beat the Cavs in the NBA finals. At one point, Abby came downstairs holding this:

I don't know what inspired her to make it, but it's a little zoo scene featuring an elephant, a monkey hanging from a coconut tree, and a snake.

She can be so creative, and it's one of the many things that I love about her. I love seeing how she views the world and getting a glimpse into what she's thinking about and what she values. And I love her sweet heart: after she stood shifting from one foot to the other, explaining how she'd made the entire thing from two sheets of paper and had had to cut carefully to be sure she had enough to include every single requisite detail, she got quiet for a moment before saying she'd made it for us, and where should she put it down. An unexpected gift.

She's a dear, that girl of mine.

June 15

Today is this guy's seventh birthday.

It's kind of shocking to think that this tall, gangly, sweet, kind boy is the same chubby little baby who made his grand appearance early in the morning on Father's Day back in 2008. Today, we celebrated with birthday pictures (and miraculously, there was no fighting when I told the kids to get dressed! Small miracles), a trip to the pick a brick wall at the Lego Store, lunch at McDonalds, and dinner at Chevys, where he acquired the hat and, like last year, asked everyone if they wanted a bite before he dug into his birthday sundae.

I'm so proud of who he is; of how he speaks sweetly to everyone, is patient beyond what would be expected of someone his age, and gives hugs and kisses with freedom and abandon. I'm thankful that he loves reading the Bible and wants to know about God and Jesus and that he he's so devoted to his family and friends.

It's a blessing to be able to call him my son.

June 14

Isaac turns seven tomorrow. Seven! Today, we celebrated the occasion with Adam's parents, his brother and sister-in-law, and our nephew. Brady was especially excited to see baby Theo again; in fact, he asked --repeatedly-- when they could take a picture together. So we did just that, and Isaac jumped in, too.

The look on Theo's face absolutely cracks me up. Isaac is sweet and mild, but Brady can be boisterous and kind of crazy, so it's hilarious that Theo is giving him such a side-eyed glance.

Of course, this photo isn't a complete group of the grandsons because Logan isn't in it. But he's "there" in that Lev is Theo's middle name, and the L for Lev came from Logan. And on top of that, the plain truth still holds that moments like this are sweet. And that's a blessing.

June 13

We enjoyed a chill first day of summer vacation. Dance in the morning for Abby and I, then lunch at our usual Saturday stop, then shopping for birthday presents for Isaac, then a nice walk this evening. As we strolled, Isaac found several rose petals, which he sweetly shared with me. But the very last one, which he discovered shortly before we got back home, was my favorite.

It's probably a wee bit hard to tell, but it's heart-shaped, and he immediately noticed its unusual form and said he wanted me to have it.

God is love, and those messages of care and affection are readily available all around us... if we're open to seeing them!

June 12

I'm always deeply thankful for everyone who pours love into my kids' lives. I wasn't sure what I was going to write this evening until this moment so this is a little weird since I juuuuuuuust added Abby's teacher as a Facebook friend (hi Melanie!), but it's what I feel led to say so here goes.

Both Abby and Isaac (and Brady, but we've already talked about Corie!) were blessed with great teachers this year. Both enjoyed academic success, looked forward to going to class, and felt comfortable, safe, and appreciated all year long. As a parent, it is such a huge blessing to know that my children are in good hands when they're not in my line of sight. So tonight, I'm deeply grateful for both of these ladies who channeled their time and energy into helping my kiddos as they continued to grow over the past 10 months. God bless them both as they continue to guide even more children in the years to come.

June 11

Field Day was this morning, which means the kiddos played different games out on the field at school. Sack races, bouncing on giant rubber balls, hula hoop races, rubber chicken toss, tug of war.

Actually, the last activity was the fifth grade tug of war, girls versus boys. It was hilarious to see them yanking that rope back and forth, and seeing each side break into cheers upon scoring a victory. One especially brilliant round saw the girls deliberately send the boys flying backward by not pulling.

Anyhow, the way they work together as teams is a blessing, since we're made by God to live and thrive together, not by ourselves.

June 10

It rained all day long, which is unusual for a few reasons. One, it's June, and we average .09" of rain in June. And two, well, even given #1, we're in the middle of a serious drought so an entire day of gentle rain is an extra-special anomaly. Despite the weather, the fifth graders celebrated their next-to-next to last day of elementary school with the long-awaited pool party. This is the group of girls I drove to the aquatic center this morning:

I really love Abby's class. The girls on either end, C and B, were both in her kindergarten class, and I've spent part of the evening looking back at the handful of photos I took back then. I've marveled over how much they've grown and changed and matured over time. I've felt a deep sense of gratitude that I've gotten to see them all go from little bitty five-year olds to sweet, sassy preteens. And I've laughed over a picture that I found from kindergarten that featured a photobomb by none other than my sunny Logan.

I'm thankful for so much.

June 9

This day was not without its frustrations. I was scheduled to interview actress Madeleine Stowe ("Revenge," "Last of the Mohicans") this morning, but my phone was misbehaving and stubbornly refused to ring when the studio tried to call me, which caused me no small amount of annoyance and consternation as my time slot came and went. The Little Boys were extra-specially whiny and aggressive. And I discovered the source of the virtual swarm of yellowjackets that emerged during yesterday's high temperatures: a pair of nests in the dryer duct on the side of our house.

Of course, as Isaac unknowingly reminded me by cheerfully yelling out "HELLO!" to everything we passed by (and I mean everything -- think light poles, speed limit signs, trees, all of it) on our drive home this evening, it's important to stay positive. And he's right, because things do generally work themselves out.

So how did my issues work out today? The studio finally reached me and my time slot was moved back, my phone finally decided to start ringing again, and Madeleine was a total delight. In my attempt to keep the boys from attacking each other in the lobby during Abby's dance class, we went for a walk down an entirely new street and they had fun gathering sticks and rocks. And the wasp issue? Our pest management service came by and removed the nests this afternoon, so (hopefully!) no more yellowjackets.

So yeah... attitude (and faith) are so important. And I'm thankful for the reminder.

June 8

It was really hot outside today. I brought the kiddos (plus one) home from school and then we all just chilled --or at least tried to chill-- inside.

So yeah: a blessedly dull afternoon featuring a couch full of kids (though one will always be missing, no matter how many are physically present), popcorn, and Winnie the Pooh on the tube. And quiet. I don't think it gets much better, does it?

June 7

I don't love going to Walmart, but I needed to drop by this afternoon. When I came back out to my car, this lovely was parked in the spot directly in front of me.

It's just a Corvette. But as you've no doubt noticed by now, we love seeing them because they remind us of Logan. Every time I see one, I think of him and smile and send kisses skyward. It's a small thing indeed, but it makes my heart happy.

June 6

Isaac's Tball season came to an end today with his final game and then, a little later, the team party. So in short, much of the day was devoted to baseball. And though I relish having time to just be a homebody on the weekend, I really didn't mind.

Isaac, Abby, and Brady all had a blast in the pool, splishing and splashing with their friends and (in Isaac and Brady's case) one another. It's so much fun --and such a blessing-- to see them interacting with other kids and making friends.

And even beyond that, it was a blessing to see Isaac in his newly found sporting element. It was fun to see him accept his little season-ending trophy and to see him recognized as the most 'ready to go' player -- always aware of what's going on and always ready to play the game. His smile was golden, and I think he was really proud of himself. If he wasn't worried that the trophy would break, he'd probably be sleeping with it right now.

Anyway, all blessings. No specific moment, but plenty of bits of goodness sprinkled throughout the day. And that's an awesome thing.

June 5

Isaac went to a birthday party at a local bounce house place this evening. While the kiddos played, I chatted with a friend. I don't remember exactly why, but at one point I looked up the top songs of 1996, the year I graduated from high school. What I found made me take pause.

Some of the picks are kind of funny, like the "Macarena." (It still surprises me that that silly song was so popular with my generation. I mean... really?) But a few others took my breath away. Mariah Carey's "One Sweet Day" got me a little. And most definitely "Because You Loved Me." That one hit me like a lightning bolt because that was the song I "heard" Logan's heart singing to mine shortly before he passed away, even though he was very much out of it at the time.

I guess I can't really explain my feelings very well this time, but trust me: it felt like a hug to see the names of those songs again.

June 4

Every now and then, one of my kids will strike a pose that absolutely melts my heart. Here's one I captured this afternoon.

It amazes --and I mean amazes-- me that this is the same little baby who was in my womb as I waddled around Children's four and a half years ago. I can't believe it's been that long. I can't believe I haven't seen Logan's sweet face in more than three years. I feel the painful injustice of that reality every single day.

But at the same time, I feel blessed beyond measure to be able to watch this little man --and Abby and Isaac-- growing and changing. And I feel blessed by the moments when I can see aspects of Logan --his sunny personality, his beautiful soul, his gentle spirit-- manifest in the three of them. And somehow, this particular moment from today reminded me that though Logan is not here with us physically, he's here in other ways. It's never good enough; it's never "good enough" not having him here. But this little clown and his co-horts help temper the sting of that loss every single day. For that, I'm thankful.

June 3

I've been taking these pictures (per Brady's request) for a few years now. It hasn't happened every single day, no, but it's been something of a routine occurrence for the kiddos to climb up into the branches and pose for a pic as we walk down the path away from the school after pick-up.

But this evening I realized something: with Abby poised to finish elementary school next week, this will be one of the last ones in the sequence.

We'll take more of them, I'm sure. Probably during our weekend walks, Brady will scamper up to the tree and ask to take a picture. But it won't be quite the same.

Rather than being sad about it, though, I'm choosing to be happy that I have those pictures and that distinctive memory of something so routine yet still so special to us.

June 2

Two days and two hug photos featuring my little muffin.

Brady and his good buddy are in preschool camp together this week. After goofing around in A's car for a little while after today's session let out, I told him it was time for us to get home. So he and A shared a sweet hug shortly before we left.

I love how free little kids are with their emotions. If they like you, they tell you. If they want to hug you, they do it. If they're mad, they cry and rage and don't care what anyone thinks.

There's a sweet naivete that makes them totally precious (even if the tantrums are infuriating at times). Maturity is a blessing of course, but there's nothing quite like innocent expressiveness of children.

June 1

This isn't actually an uncommon scene at morning drop-off. But it's definitely an uncommon *photo* to capture, since Abby usually runs off before I can snap one.

Actually, this morning was uncommon in more than one way. Usually, Abby prefers to walk through the field to the blacktop on her own, while the Little Boys and I take the paved path. Today, Brady trailed behind her at a distance, watching as she traipsed along. Much to my surprise, rather than continuing on as is her custom, she stopped, turned to him, and said he could walk with her. I was pleasantly surprised. So they walked together to her line, and then she walked him back over to Isaac's line, where she posed for this unlikely photo.

Moments of harmony, folks. Moments of harmony are worth more than gold.