June 20

Dance recital day is always bittersweet. It's fun to watch all the girls' (and boys') and teachers' hard work finally come to fruition in the form of a trio of hour-long shows. And in recent years, it's been fun to dance with Abby on stage. Tiring to herd kids behind the scenes (and doubly so when it's 95 degrees outside), but worth the effort.

Of course, it's also bitter because Logan isn't there to be part of the fun. There's a boy on team who's quite good. He has blond hair and dances with great passion and intensity, just like my Sunshine used to, way back when; just like I know in my heart he would if he were still walking among us. But still, there are moments of comfort that arise: in the feeling I get when I'm up there performing, in dancing with his big sister and best friend, in the little signal that I sent Heavenward whenever we finish performing our routine. And in this scene.

The lights. The balloons. The entire cast gathered on stage for the final moments of each show.

It's comfortable. It's familiar. And it's also a place where I have memories of Logan. He danced for just a single year before we found out he was sick, but that single year looms large in my mind and in my heart.

And for that memory and for how the sight of those lights make me feel, I'm thankful. And I'm also thankful that today, Lambie came along to watch the show. I had to choke back emotion when Adam handed him to me after the final curtain, but it was perfect. He should be there for important moments.