I was walking through my room at twilight and my earring tree (which Adam gave me for Mother's Day and houses a significant portion of my impressive collection) caught my eye. I stopped and looked at how the light made them sparkle, and it made me happy (because I do so love sparkles). Touches of glitter are always nice, I think.
She wanted to duck inside the house for a moment before we left for Red Robin, and when she did, she was bum-rushed by the boys.
It made me happy to see the enthusiasm all-around and even happier to think about Someday, when Logan will be in the middle of that hug and our family will be whole once again. And for that thought --and for The Girl's safe return and good time while away!-- I'm grateful.
I pulled it out and looked it over, and then rooted through the rest of the others (and there were quite a few), only to find that it was the only one like it.
And it was right out front where I'd see it.
Picture me standing there in the store, breathing in that Hobby Lobby potpourri scent, feeling like Logan was there somehow in both that Corvette poster and in the worship music that tinkled in the background.
It's weird but I've always felt like he'd like that store. And now I know for sure that he does.
Oh, and I bought it, of course. Some day, it will go on the wall in a home office where I'll be able to look at it and think of that Sunshine of mine and just smile.
Half-watching the A's game on TV and journaling while drinking... lemonade. Yep. That's definitely lemonade.
Yep. A quiet day followed by a quiet evening at home. Not a terrible way to spend a handful of hours in late-June.
I was sitting with Isaac on the other side of the table when my middle son decided to put his arm over my shoulder. (I have no idea why.) Brady, in response, draped his arm over Adam's shoulders, which, for some reason, made me cackle aloud. I pulled out my phone to take this pic of the two of them as Adam held up his own phone to take a pic of us. And in that moment (this one pictured right here), Brady released a hearty guffaw.
Honestly, I don't laugh nearly enough these days. I don't think about that reality very often, but I miss having those big chuckles. So for the one I had this evening --and for the one Brady had, too-- I'm grateful.
We chatted as we circled the store (several times -- I was way behind) and wove through the aisles, and it felt really good to be out with her again, just doing life. I don't think I've spent nearly enough time deliberately doing life with friends of late, so I'm thankful for the chance to return to my roots.
Even to me, it seems backwards to say 'you guys are driving me nuts, so let's go have some sugar of your choice,' but oddly enough, it worked. When we got home a little later, they were quieter and generally more agreeable.
So today I'm grateful that the simple (and admittedly desperation-driven) gesture of good will actually worked.
I had a lovely time sharing a table with these wonderful ladies, chatting about cars and the people who drive them (badly) and hiking and more. Then we listened to a panel of women who shared how their faith influences their daily lives.
I came away feeling really... good. Energized. So today, for that blessing, I'm very grateful.
She cheerfully chit-chatted with a handful of her fellow travelers, and acted silly as she got into the van when it was time to head out. It made me smile to see such a display of enthusiasm.
I know my daughter and I know that she doesn't love social interaction as much as a lot of people, so I'm really proud of her for embracing the experience and going into it with a positive attitude. And I'm hopeful that the trip will wind up being a bigger blessing than she could've imagined.
It seems like the days pass by faster and faster as time goes on, so I'm grateful for the little moments. And especially the little moments enjoyed alongside those I love and appreciate the most.
After a quick stop at home, my little Muffin and I headed over to Black Bear Diner for lunch (his pick), and then to Walmart and Target. (Which were, again, his picks.) And then after some video game time (and a nap for me) this afternoon, we headed out for an early evening walk around the neighborhood.
It was, all in all, a really pleasant day. I tried to slow down and really absorb the funny things Brady said --like how he replied "indeed" to a remark I made while we walked through the aisles at Target, which was hilarious since it's exactly what Adam says all the time-- and the minute details of his mannerisms and how he asked --with genuine curiosity in his voice-- why the wind is so loud when it passes by his ears. I don't get a lot of alone-time with him these days, so it was a blessing to have him all to myself.
I've always thought there was something lovely about tree rings. Not only do they look pretty, but they tell a striking story that fully chronicles the tree's life from start to finish, from the years of plenty to those of not-so-much.
Looking at those rings, I felt a sense of gratitude for all of the experiences I've had throughout my lifetime. Although I've certainly had a significant share of not-go-great ones (which I'll call the narrow rings, I guess), I realize that the cumulative effect of all of them made me into... me. And I guess that's not such a bad thing.
I love that they're both affectionate people and that they love hugs as much as they do.
They're sweet kiddos, these boys of mine.
Lest I should come across as Slacker Mom, I'll add that Adam was extra-late getting home and I wasn't particularly hungry, so chicken nuggets and blueberries in the living room seemed entirely appropriate.
So yeah: a stress-free meal for the short people. Sounds like a simple thing, but simple things can be the biggest blessings when you're tired.
I can't really explain what it feels like to have to keep living after your child dies. The unfortunate irony is that days like today --ones that are set aside to celebrate those special parent/child relationships-- magnify loss in a way that --once again-- I can't explain. On one hand, you want to be fully present for the kids you're still blessed to parent, but on the other, your heart absolutely aches for the one you've lost. Getting through the hours can feel like running a race wearing shoes that are several sizes too large: you lumber awkwardly along, alternately tripping and regaining your balance as you wonder if you'll ever reach the blasted finish line. That doesn't mean it's all bad, because there can certainly be lovely views along the way, but it does mean that it's complicated.
But anyway, all of that reflection aside, my prayer is that Adam enjoyed his day with us, because Abby and Isaac and Brady enjoyed their day with him, and they are most definitely blessed to be able to call him their dad.
I think Isaac had a good birthday. He took his birthday pictures without complaint and then we all lunched at CPK, came home and played a round of Fast Food Franchise (which he won handily thanks to a hefty investment in Chicken Surprise), dinner'ed at Applebees, and had cake, ice cream, and presents to close out the day.
I know all parents think their kids are awesome (as we should!), but Isaac is, objectively, a really good boy. He's kind and sweet and patient and tolerant and a really good brother. So today, as we celebrate his birth, I'm extra thankful that God chose him to be part of our family.
And fortunately, that's just what I got. They sat together at the table for the better part of two hours and took turns reading a book aloud to each other. No fuss, no muss. And for that blessing, I'm thankful.
So yeah. Thanks to all of those factors, more days than not, I find myself making mistakes with the short people because I mishandle my own emotions. This, for example, is Abby marching ahead of me at Target tonight. Ironically, I decided to take her in order to make her feel better about something I knew she was upset about, but it blew up in my face. As it so often does.
But here's the bit of redemption I can ferret out of the negativity: I know that in eight or 10 hours, I'll have the chance to get up and do it all over again; to say different things and to make different choices in the heat of the moment that will foster different moods and create different outcomes. So today, for the gift of second (and third and fourth...) chances at getting it right(er), I'm grateful.
He'd expressed interest in catching for some time and held the position in a few games last season, so Adam ponied up and bought him gear over the weekend.
The idea of catching makes my arthritic knees ache, but I love that he's excited about it. The look of enthusiasm on his face, the concentration... all of it. And I'm grateful that I get to watch him be happy.
When I was a kid, I distinctly remember picking little white (and sometimes pink) clover flowers from our yard. I remember their sweet scent and I remember how I'd gather them together and tie them into mini bouquets using long blades of grass.
It's just a memory from long ago that I feel like I've written about before, but given that I don't remember much from those times, I'm grateful that it came back to me.
I saw Barbara first, and invited her to come sit and chat for a few minutes before she continued her morning walk. A short while later, Joanne showed up, followed by Sigrie and Fiona. All four are wonderful ladies from our church, and I genuinely enjoyed the handful of minutes we had together before we parted ways.
Little surprises like that are some of life's biggest blessings (especially when you fall on the extroverted side of the social scale :) ).
Brady started this craft at school a few weeks ago, and had been asking me for more yarn so he could finish it ever since. (In my defense, I've intended to buy some, but never actually remember when I'm anywhere near a store that actually sells it.) Anyhow, this afternoon he decided to unwind it and see if he could complete it with the yarn he already had. Since he wasn't sure how to make that happen, he googled it and found a YouTube tutorial. So he sat in front of the computer and followed the instructions.
It didn't work out for him in the end, but watching him problem-solve made me realize --again!-- that my kids are smart, resourceful people. And for that, I'm thankful.
The show was, as usual, filled with routines that inspired a wide range of emotion, from a handful of lyrical pieces that brought me dangerously close to tears to a few others that were decidedly more upbeat. Abby's class performed early on in the show, and delivered my first near-tears moment as I realized --again-- that she's really and truly one of the big kids.
I think I've said this before, but dance really saved me after Logan died. Abby and I were in the middle of our first mother/daughter class (which went on to be a five-year run before she aged out) when he passed on, and the following year I rediscovered my tap shoes and let my inner disco diva loose on the stage as part of the ladies' class. The class disbanded shortly thereafter so I didn't stick with it, but I'll always be thankful for those years because looking back, I realize they were a significant part of my healing process and I desperately needed them.
So right now, I'm grateful for my experiences and for the gift of watching my own daughter do her thing.
So where am I going with this? Good question. Brady went to the dentist yesterday with one tooth that I knew was very, very (as in hanging-by-a-thread) loose. He refused to let me touch it, but gave daily status reports. Anyway, apparently the other front tooth was also very loose, so after checking with me, the dentist popped 'em both out. And voila, he's rocking the no-front-teeth look for now.
I've spent the last 30 hours watching him try --good naturedly-- to eat apples and bread and an array of other foods. When you have front teeth you forget how challenging it can be to bite into much of anything when you don't. But he persevered and found a way to make it happen anyway.
Much of human life is like that: sometimes we're faced with temporary challenges --like missing baby teeth-- that force us to adjust our behavior for a time. But the good news is that temporary human challenges will end. And in fact, all human challenges --both temporary and more enduring-- will fade away when Someday arrives. And that's really good news to me.
(She is, for the record, all the way to the left in this particular shot.) I don't watch her classes anymore so today's rehearsal was my first real look at the number. I watched as the dancers flitted to and fro across the stage and when the music ended and they struck their final pose, I had a surprising thought: they're not little girls anymore. I said so to my friend Angela, who is Gracie's mom and who happened to be sitting next to me, and she agreed.
Time passes all too quickly sometimes, but as I've said many times before, it's such a blessing to watch Abby and Isaac and Brady grow. And it was a blessing to have Logan here with me for five and a half years, too.
While we were there, two of Abby's friends happened to show up, so she stayed back with them. Then I drove to Isaac's friend's house to drop him off for a playdate, and his friend invited Brady to hang out, too. So voila, I had a few unexpected hours to myself to just sit and listen to some music and catch up with some friends.
So as the seconds continue to tick toward tomorrow, I'm thankful --for the second time in a week-- for the blessing of really good days.
As we left the house, they each picked a bear to bring along, with Brady choosing Bear Bear, Isaac going with Slugger, and Abby opting for Blob. (Blob is Bear Bear's mortal enemy, although Blob doesn't understand why. There's quite the back story there, all courtesy of Abby's fascinating mind.)
Anyway, the seven of us had a good time together eating and chatting, and I'm thankful to have had those moments.
I know I've mentioned Kristine before, but we went to college together many moons ago and she recently got engaged and moved to our town. We don't see as her often as we probably could, but she's a smart, empathetic chick so our time together is always a blessing. And this morning's get-together didn't stray from that norm.
The younger version of Adam was quite often lighthearted and entertaining; I have clear memories of him ducking under a fence in the Lake District in the UK back in 1998, challenging me and our friend Kristine to brave potential paintballers and follow him into a field dotted with sheep. I also clearly remember him slipping and falling in the mud, and then popping back up so quickly that I nearly laughed myself silly over the scene. That was then.
He's mellowed quite a bit over time and those moments of carefree goofiness are fewer and farther between, but tonight as I heard him chanting "Warriors! Warriors!" over and over again, I was transported back to those simpler times. And for that little taste of back-then, I'm thankful.
It also included a trip to 7-Eleven (for Brady) and Coldstone (for the rest of us) for some icy cold booyah-school's-out-slash-good-job-this-year treats. Summer vacation ushered in summer-y temps, so it was a simple blessing to just sit outside for a while with my people.
