July 31

For the second time in as many days, words are eluding me. So I'll do the best I can with what I can muster.

Thirteen. I still can't fully wrap my mind around the truth that Logan turned 13 today; that a teenager's worth of time has passed since I first saw his sweet face and felt him atop my heart rather than under it. And, in some ways, I still can't fully wrap my mind around the truth that he wasn't here to celebrate with us. He's been gone a long time now, of course, but as the old cliche so accurately says, those we love are never truly absent from our hearts. Or our minds. So reconciling my ongoing love for him with his permanent-until-Heaven absence is just... hard.

It was, as usual, a lovely blue-sky day that ushered in memories of his blue-sky eyes. There were sunshiney yellow flowers delivered (and thank you to Nancy and Grace for those) and scores of Facebook notes and text messages. There were giggles over videos of his birthdays-past and stifled tears over how all of his birthday videos have already been recorded. There was lunch at Outback --so we could once again indulge in that really good brown bread he loved so much-- and a few moments of quiet time for reflection and big earrings (since he always seemed to want to see me in bold jewelry) and a trip to the cemetery to leave the brand new Ramone and spaghetti and meatballs for dinner while watching "Cars" and a walk around the neighborhood and chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and mint cookie crumble ice cream. There was all of that.

It was, all in all, a peaceful but bittersweet day. Although I wish I could temper the bitter a bit more, it's always, always a blessing to remember the sweet. And Logan was --and indubitably still is-- most certainly sweet.

July 30

Logan's 13th birthday is tomorrow. I can't even come close to imagining what he'd be into or what he'd look like or how he'd behave at 13, and the weight of not knowing can be so heavy that I can't even come close to explaining --even to myself at times-- how it feels. But I know who he was at five and I hold that five-year old and all of his five-year old likes and dislikes and desires very close to my heart. And today, that five-year old gave me a pair of little waves from beyond.

The first came this afternoon when I went to Walmart to find a new car to put on his grave tomorrow. I was just there yesterday so I was surprised to find the pegs overflowing with cars with faces (as he called them). So I scooped up the ones I didn't already have in my collection along with a hydraulic Ramone (since it has a flame job and he was always very impressed by flame jobs) and headed out to my car.

As I drove down the road toward the house a minute later, "Life is a Highway" --the theme to the original "Cars" movie-- came on the radio. I was initially disappointed that it wasn't the Rascal Flatts version that played during the movie, but then I had a thought: sure, it's a different version, but it's still the same song with the same words and the same melody. And somehow, that truth made not knowing who Logan would be today a little less painful. It's like he was saying "it's still the same song, mom, just like I'm still me." Different, yes, but still with the same basic underpinnings that made him who he was (and still is).

So for that little duo of cheer and the nugget of wisdom on the eve of a day that will be no doubt be bittersweet, I'm thankful.

July 29

Back when I was in high school, my friend Meg and I used to go to the Friendly's off of Quince Orchard Boulevard for quesadillas and ice cream. She always got Forbidden Chocolate with Heath Bar, and my usual was a Peanut Butter Cup Sundae. So I was amused when, a month or so ago, I saw these in the freezer at the grocery store.

It took me a while (because 400+ calories for a really small portion was hard to swallow), but I finally bought one to try it out this afternoon. And happily for me, it didn't disappoint.

Better yet, it gave me a (literally) sweet reminder of a happy time in my life. And I'm thankful for the memory of sitting in a booth, chowing down on junk food with a good friend.

July 28

It was another scorcher of a day, so while Isaac was at a (very fortuitously-timed) pool party and Adam took Brady to the park to shoot hoops (because Brady begged and Adam was very, very kind), Abby and I made a Starbucks run.

A s'mores frap (for her), a guava white tea (for me), and my favorite girl made for a pleasant afternoon outing. Given that she's growing at warp speed (and seriously, I can hardly wrap my brain around the entering-sophomore-year thing), I'm grateful for every single minute I get.

July 27

The forecast called for a 100-degree day (and, in fact, delivered on that promise), so we headed off to the Sports Park in the morning so the boys could burn off some energy. While they batted and threw on a vacant diamond, I popped in my headphones and hoofed it around the loop.

At one point, I glanced down at the pavement and saw my shadow. And much to my surprise, I didn't hate it.

I guess that sounds kind of strange, but I've historically had a tolerate/hate relationship with my appearance. I'm especially attuned to my laundry list of imperfections: the bumpy nose that's probably been fractured at least once by the flailing arms of children best left unnamed, the extra pockets of fluff in my thighs that just won't go away, the distinct absence of muscle tone in my arms that persists no matter how many weights I lift, the virtually non-existent eyebrows, and the eyes that --though I think are a pleasant enough shade of not-quite-green-- are probably a shade too small for my face.

But this morning, I looked down at my shadow and --for once-- felt at peace over what I saw. So for that bit of unexpected self-acceptance (and for a very pleasant morning stroll), I'm grateful.

July 26

I had two very different but very notable "moments" today, so in the interest of not picking a favorite child, I'll talk about both.

The first was a morning coffee get-together with my friend Jenifer. We were in a Bible study together many moons ago --like back when I was pregnant with Logan and when her now-adult kiddos were still kids-- and though I haven't seen much of her of late, she's moving to the east coast in a few weeks so I'd asked if she had time to chat. Fortunately, she did, and today was the day. She has lots of great life experience and blessed me by sharing her unique perspective.

The second involved some long-awaited finality with respect to our car-drama that began back in March when the minivan was totaled. After much research, a very long wait for a hybrid car that may or may not go into production at some point, and even more research, Adam deviated from his initial course of action, bit the bullet, and bought himself a Ford Explorer this afternoon. He's happy with it --and I'm happy that he's happy-- and thinks that Logan would approve of the throaty engine and the bright Atlas blue exterior. (And yes, to the eagle-eyed out there, that is indeed a bright blue Corvette off to the side. So I'd call it a double affirmative on the Explorer.)

So yep: two different experiences, two different blessings. And I'm grateful for both.

July 25

Adam actually got home from work at a reasonable hour tonight, so after he retrieved the boys from baseball, I dressed up a little and the two of us went to dinner.

There were lots of people out and the service was (really) slow, but I didn't mind. It was just plain nice to have the chance to sit and chat with him for a while, because those times have been few and far between of late.

July 24

Wednesday is Sit On The Couch And Watch Bordering On Trashy TV Day for Abby and me.

Well, not all day. Just at night, after the male folk have gone to bed. We settle in and absorb the latest editions of our favorite Lifetime Network fare.

It's totally silly, of course, but it's our thing. And I'm thankful for the 'things' I share with my one and only girl -- even the ridiculous ones.

July 23

Shopping trips can be boring, but they can also be greatly amusing. Tonight's outing to Costco was definitely of the latter ilk.

For some reason I can't explain, we were all a bit on the punchy side, so when I grabbed a round of brie and walked toward the cart, the short people's boisterous chorus of "mom has cheese! Mom has cheese!" made me laugh out loud. And that was merely the first of a few amusing exchanges.

Random, I know, but the happy moments in this life are always noteworthy moments.

July 22

When I got up this morning, I came downstairs and wandered into the kitchen. The boys were playing a video game, but when they saw me, they put down the phone and scurried over to give me a joint 'welcome back' hug.

I had a wonderful time on my trip, but it was a big blessing to be able to come home to a warm reception from my two favorite people under age 12.

July 21

It was a long but strikingly good day for me.

It marked the end of my visit to Missouri, which we finished up with a potpourri ( ;) ) of activities that included a stop at a family birthday party, real estate prospecting, and milkshakes (with Jenga).

After one last quick chat, K dropped me at the airport at 5 and the first leg of my journey home took me to Vegas, where a significant flight delay left me scrambling to switch up my plans. I successfully scored a standby spot on a different flight, and wandered around the airport feeling strangely perky. My strolling took me by the Alex and Ani store, where I found this absolutely perfect bangle bracelet, which --with Logan's 13th birthday just 10 days away-- I bought and immediately added to my wrist arsenal.

But that's not all. Since I was a standby passenger and Southwest has open seating, I internally cringed and held my breath when the time to board my Oakland-bound plane finally rolled around because I expected to wind up crammed into the middle seat of the very back row. But I was pleasantly surprised --again-- to find a middle seat available in the fifth row and a space for my carry-on bag in an overheard bin nearby. The man I sat next to was a chatter so we exchanged pleasantries that eventually revealed that we both live in the same town and know some of the same people. A discussion on faith followed, and we both were able to offer up words of affirmation derived from our own personal experiences.

So yeah. I could feel God moving around quite a lot today, in the content of my last few hours with Kathy, the bracelet, the standby flight success, and the unlikely seatmate. So for all of that, I'm grateful.

July 20

I loved today.

We ate and got pedicures and shopped and shopped more (and some more) and ate again and hit Starbucks and spent some time with Kathy's mom (who was still adorable) and brothers and sisters-in-law and ate dinner while watching a cheesy (but cute) movie on Netflix. And we walked the dog in the dark and took laps around the kitchen island and jumped up and down and ran in place like crazy people to the sounds of Alexa's pick for 'dance music' as midnight approached and I realized I was nowhere near 15,000 steps for the day. And then we just talked.

And even though I'm compulsive about my step totals (and I'd ordinarily be annoyed with myself for falling short of that self-imposed requirement), I'm going to sleep content, because like I said, I loved today and I would gladly sideline my perfectionism again to have another one like it.

July 19

I'm pretty sure I've made this remark before, but sometimes I get to the end of a day and don't know what to write. Sometimes I feel that way because I wasn't paying attention to much of anything and just plain missed the noteworthy moments that were right under my nose. Other days, it's because the hours were filled with so many varied blessings that I simply don't know where to begin. Today was of the latter variety.

(Random representative photo. Much better than yesterday's. Ahem.) Anyway... I woke up relatively early and spent the morning hours puttering around and listening to music on my phone while Kathy worked. After she finished up for the day, we braved the heat (and it was h-o-t) to walk to her brother's house, where I got to meet a pair of hyper dogs, her brother's wife, and her very cute mother. (Seriously, so, so adorable.)

After the post-walk clean-up (because hot. And so. Much. Sweat), we headed out for dinner, where I had a very yummy taco and wound up reasonably tipsy on half a margarita. Then we ducked into a little shop and had some frozen custard (really good --because peanut butter and chocolate-- but the heat plus the margarita plus the taco didn't leave more than a few spoonfuls of room for it in my belly) before heading off to a movie.

By the time we got back it was late(ish), but we still had some time to walk the dog and talk before the turn-in hour. I won't go into the details because they're not really relevant, but it was probably my favorite part of the day because the exchange was very real. And I love --and treasure-- real because real hits my heart in ways that fun and lighthearted just don't. I enjoy fun and lighthearted, of course, and always will, but real... real is significant.

So yep. I'm admittedly going to bed with a raging headache, but I'm also going to bed feeling very grateful for all of the above.

July 18

It's possible that I could be offed for using this photo, but it's one of the only ones I took today (which in hindsight seems insane because I am me so I don't know what I was thinking) and I'm the one who looks suspect, so I figure that should make it okay. (Right? I hope.)

Anyhow, after an early morning jaunt to the airport (thanks hunny), I caught a flight to St. Louis, where I'll be spending the weekend visiting Kathy. (Hence the pic. She was taking a call and I was entertaining myself so voila.) We spent the late-afternoon making a run to Starbucks (duh), Target, and the grocery store, took the dog for a walk, and dined on cheese and crackers, California rolls, and way too many peanut butter M&Ms (and wine, which is why I know we watched a Rebel Wilson movie but can't tell you which one).

It's been quite a long while since I've had some time away, so I'm grateful for the blessing of being here with her for a few days.

July 17

Some days, I have good observations. (At least I think I do.) Some days, I just muddle along without noticing much of anything. Today was more of the latter ilk.

When Adam called to let me know he'd be very late again tonight, I decided that I didn't feel like cooking so I took the kids to Red Robin.

There was nothing particularly extraordinary about the outing; the boys ordered identical meals, Abby had a cheeseburger, and we engaged in idle chit chat about VBC. The experience was, in fact, very ordinary. And comfortable. So now, as I head out to pick up Abby from youth group, I'm thankful for the ordinary and the comfortable. I have, after all, had plenty of days that were neither, so I'll happily take the quiet days as they come.

July 16

After a day of VBC and baseball, I ran home to serve up the evening meal for the short(ish) people and then went to dinner downtown with Nikki. (And yep, 'twas my fourth dinner downtown in two weeks. I'm on a roll.)

I don't have a lot of reflections to share other than this one: I had a really nice time sitting outside, chit-chatting and people-watching as we ate our wedge salads and fettuccine and lasagna.

It took me quite a long time to realize it and though I'm super picky about who I befriend, I really do thrive on social interaction, so this evening was a big blessing to me.

July 15

Today was day one of this year's Vacation Bible Camp. A very kind friend offered to take Abby (since she's a volunteer and has to go early), so I loaded up the boys, drove over, and dropped them off about an hour after she left this morning. I didn't get the chance to take a pic before they left, so I insisted on taking this one at pick-up.

Abby was busy with breakdown, Isaac was (loudly) complaining that he was SO THIRSTY, and Brady was just hot and snarky, so I quickly snapped the image and forgot about it. Until now, that is, when I finally remembered to take a look. And judging by their varied expressions, it's far from a perfect pic. Far, far from it.

But it's the perfect pic for VBC, because it shows that they came (and went) as they are. No machinations, no false... anything. It's all genuine expression. And that's where Jesus always meets us: exactly where we are, no matter where we may be.

July 14

Adam, Isaac, and Brady joined Adam's dad and his brother's family to watch some motorcycle racing today, so Abby and I had some extended girl time.

After church, we tried out the new burger place at the mall (and the verdict: pretty good, but pricey), and then did some shopping (both window and the traditional money-sucking kind) at several different stores. Then we headed home and finished our solo time with a terrible Lifetime movie on TV.

This girl of mine certainly knows how to push my buttons, but I love her anyway. And I'm very, very glad that I get to be her mom.

July 13

Isaac went to a sleepover last night and Abby got up late, so while Adam was upstairs getting dressed this morning, Brady and I had a little bit of just-the-two-of-us time.

We didn't so anything special with that time; he sat next to me on the couch and we watched TV. Well, he watched TV. I mostly just watched him.

And I marveled over how that baby I was carrying when we found out Logan was sick nearly nine years ago (nine. I can hardly believe it's been that long) will be nine years old in less than six months. And then I marveled over how Abby will be 15 this year and how Isaac is already 11. And how Logan will become a teenager in Heaven at the end of this month.

It's always going to be hard to meld the sadness of losing him with the joy of watching his siblings grow into amazing bigger people, but I do the best I can to do just that in as graceful a fashion as I can manage. (And of course, some days are more successful than others.) So for those moments with my littlest this morning that spurred so many memories of what was, what is, and what will eventually be, I'm grateful.

July 12

Sherrie and I have made a point of getting together for coffee a few times a month for the past several years, but we decided to shake things up by having an early dinner (and coffee) today.

It was an absolutely lovely evening downtown, and we chit-chatted as we enjoyed our food at a corner table right on Main Street.

It's always a blessing to get together with her. She's a good listener and virtually always gives me solid perspective on whatever my issue-of-the-moment may be. So for her and for that (and for a good time this evening), I'm grateful.

July 11

This particular date is always significant to me for two distinct reasons. 1) It's my half birthday, so I'm now officially halfway between 41 and 42. And 2) it's Free Slurpee Day at 7-Eleven.

Once I remembered that it was Free Slurpee Day, I herded the kids into the car and headed over for our complimentary treats. I was impressed by how well it was organized (because it's historically been something of a disaster), and by how friendly the employees were both as we went in and as we left.

I know it's kind of overly basic, but given how many day-to-day human interactions can be less-than-great, I'm just grateful that this was an easy, pleasant (and tasty) one.

July 10

I took two pics today and I'm using both of them because they're good bookends.

The first is from breakfast. (Yep. I began my Wednesday with salted caramel crunch cake and pina colada tea. You can cry for me now.) Lest that sounds a bit off, I'll add that I got it while attending the monthly ladies' tea that my church's women's ministry puts on. I can't usually go because of the kids' school schedules, so getting to go over the summer is a really rewarding experience for me.

The second was taken after I finished dinner downtown with Kathy. It was a relatively quick get together, but I'm heading out to visit her late next week, and it made me look forward to the trip even more than I had been.

One day, two chances to connect with other women whose company I enjoy. A wonderful double blessing.

July 9

With summer speeding by at a rapid clip and many hours of screen time in the books (for all of us), I decided that the kiddos and I would do something today. So this morning we swung by Kristine's place to pick her up, hit the Starbucks drive-thru, and headed east to Brentwood to pick some fresh fruit.

After a minor detour in the wrong direction, we arrived at our destination --The Farmer's Daughter-- and snagged some buckets (and a little later, a pair of wagons). First we traversed the rows of peach trees, and then we moved over to the apricots. The trees toward the back of the orchard teemed with pretty orange-y fruit, and we picked and gently poked until we'd gathered several pounds of each kind and headed for the exit.

It was, in just about every way possible, a very nice trip, marked by great company, lots of delicious fruit, beautiful skies, a comfortable temperature, and no discernible damage to my windshield after a rock from a dump truck smacked into it on the freeway with such force that we all jumped in surprise. So yep: I'm grateful for every single bit of it.

July 8

We didn't have any plans today and I had an early case of the Mondays, so I took the kids to brunch. Then later in the day, Brady went to baseball and then we all went to Costco for some shopping. As we've done for years, we stopped at the food court for some pizza.

Logan always loved that Costco cheese pizza, so I always think of him --and by extension, of Heaven-- when I have it. And for both of those blessings (and for the three pictured here -- even the one wearing the sassy teenager expression), I'm grateful.

July 7

"I feel a little invisible lately." I wrote that line (or a variation thereof; I can't remember the exact wording) to a friend a few days ago. And it's true: for a number of reasons, I haven't felt fully seen (or appreciated or validated, for lack of a better term) for quite a while now.

But then I went to church this morning and I guess you could say that God met me there (for probably the second time in a few days. Let's just say I wasn't really paying attention the first time).

The gist of the sermon was "no matter where you are or what you do, God sees you. And you matter."

As I sat and listened to the message, my spirit whispered "yep, he's talking to YOU, Sherry. YOU. Soak it in." So I did. And I felt that sense of peace that so often eludes me settle in and wrap me in an embrace. And that is always, always, always a blessing.

So if YOU don't think you matter, know that you DO. Because God sees YOU, too.

July 6

With Abby's mission trip and the other sundries of summer busy-ness behind us, we finally got around to going to the Alameda County Fair today. There was a pedal tractor pull, exhibits, art displays, Alaskan racing pigs, and fair food. And of course, our customary photo booth visit as we headed toward the exit.

Probably needless to say, this one is a little different than the others. Usually, we get a coin from the booth operator, insert it when we're ready, and then arrange ourselves (in the very small space, which is always comical). But today, the set-up was different: the booth took actual cash. And much to our surprise (and alarm), the machine immediately started counting down the moment it accepted the bills. Three-two... Adam was already perched on the single stool, and I dove in as quickly as I could (hence photo number one's close-up of my shirt). We recovered relatively quickly, squashed ourselves inside, and finished the strip in fine fashion.

I busted out laughing when I saw that first picture because it's just ridiculous. But then I had a thought: I wear this shirt a lot because I really do like its message, but how often do I truly live the message? Not as often as I should. So I'm grateful to have this silly strip of pics to remind me of not only our 2019 fair trip, but of how important it is to love where I am... no matter where that may be.

July 5

Goin' back to the basics here for a sec. This is my trusty Fitbit.

I've had this same one for 6 1/2 years (though writing that out is probably begging it to give up the ghost tomorrow), and it's counted many, many, many steps over its tenure as my little electronic sidekick.

So today, I'm thankful that it's lasted this long, that it's helped me to master my fitness goals, and in another arena, that I'm able to walk 15K steps per day.

July 4

It was a kick-back kind of Independence Day at the Wight House. Morning lounging followed by baseball (for the boys), walking (for me), and swinging-slash-being-annoyed-and-bored (for Abby) at the Sports Park, followed by Slurpees. (Or a Big Gulp if you were me.) Since it was a holiday, I broke my 'nothing that could possibly spill allowed in my still blessedly clean car' rule (and fortunately, no one spilled):

Then after that we watched the second Lego moved over hot dogs and fruit. Now with the boys in bed and my walk with Abby around the neighborhood in the books, us three older folk are watching 'The Maxtrix.' (Okay, so I'm not watching it because watching Keanu Reeves (try to) act is painful. But I'm in the room so I figure that counts.)

And with all of that stream of conscicous-style mumbo jumbo written out, I'll conclude by saying that I'm very, very thankful that this day gives my family the right to do all of those things: to walk and to play baseball and to enjoy the sunshine and to drink Slurpees and drive cars we choose and watch movies. All are blessings that I know I take for granted far too often, so I'm grateful for the reminder to sincerely offer up thanks.

July 3

It's surreal to think that it's been nearly a year since Michelle and her family relocated to Iowa, but it has. And luckily for those of us who are still here, they came back for a visit this week, and tonight a group of us got to go out to dinner with her downtown (just like we did last year before they left!).

I had a truly wonderful time sitting there in the restaurant with these seven ladies, laughing and swapping stories and catching up and just doing life. I don't think I do that nearly often enough, so I'm thankful to have had the opportunity today. (And as an aside, there are other photos that don't feature my giant head taking a selfie, but I think this is the best of them all because we all look genuinely happy. And real happiness is a huge blessing.)

July 2

I was just tired today. I woke up tired, drank my coffee tired, watched the US/England World Cup game with the kids tired, and took the boys to baseball tired. But at least they gave me a smile-worthy moment when we got there:

They were waiting for their class to start when Isaac ran a hand through Brady's hair, which made it stick straight up. From there, there was lots of hair ruffling back and forth and lots of mutual amusement.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I feel blessed that they have one another to laugh with and lean on and do life with. Not everyone is that brand of fortunate.

July 1

When she came downstairs early this afternoon (because teenager), Abby announced that she needed new clothes. So this evening after dinner, I indulged her desire and we went shopping for threads.

She gathered up an armful of items to try on and then I watched as she tried them on. And listened as she chattered on about the mission trip and her fellow students. And then after we got home, we continued our evening together with several turns around the park and more commentary on the peers in youth group.

I mostly just listened (which for a talker like me is something of an anomaly), and enjoyed hearing her stream-of-consciousness style thoughts.

As she sagely pointed out during our walk, she'll be in college in three years, so I'm going to make the most of the hours while we have them.