July 31

Today is Logan's 17th birthday. 

We celebrated him as we have in the past, with lunch at Outback, where we had that brown bread that he loved so much and a trip to his grave, where we left a brand new Car-with-a-face. Then at home his siblings played a few truly rousing rounds of their Club Penguin video game (the volume was unparalleled) before we dined on spaghetti and meatballs, watched the new-to-us Cars on the Road series on Disney Plus, and blew out the candles on his chocolate-on-chocolate birthday cake. It was a good day, I think. But it was also one that brought many new thoughts to my mind.

In a world without heartache, without loss, without sin, Logan would be a week shy of starting his senior year of high school. I was talking about it with Adam earlier today and although I don't know what he'd be interested in at age 17 --would he have made the switch from dance to baseball like Isaac did? Would Isaac watch him from the bleachers as he played Varsity ball, eagerly soaking up every move and adjustment his big brother made in order to improve his own game? Would he be saving up cash to buy a luxury car, since he had such an affinity for the Wexus and the BM-dubbaU? I don't know-- but I do know that he'd be wonderful and gregarious and kind and funny. Definitely funny. I think that sense of humor and that laugh were parts of him that could never really die or even fade.

So yes, 17. I know the year that's to come will be a challenge for me, as I don't get to get misty-eyed as he poses for his cap and gown photos or sit beside him as he decides where he'd like to go to college or take a million pictures as he heads off off to Senior Ball or watch him cross the stage and claim his diploma. I can see myself getting stuck in the grief of it all. In the loss. In the unfairness. In the sadness of missing out on those once-in-a-lifetime moments. I can see myself feeling cheated and I know that if I let it, the bitterness will take root in my heart and grow until it chokes out the joy.

But instead, I'm going to try my hardest to be grateful for the time I had with him before he was born and for his infancy and for ages one, two, three, four, and five and for the trickle of months that led up to his departure. I'm going to remember the time when he danced freely in the street at Disneyland and how he'd wake up in the middle of the night, make his way into our room, and then stand silently by our bedside until one of us woke up. And how he'd smile that radiant smile of his the second our eyes popped open. And I'll look back on the time he took 2.2 seconds to strip himself naked and jump into the fountain at our alma mater in Southern California and smile at the memory of the impish grin on his face as he laughed and splashed as we, his horrified parents, looked on. I'm going to treasure the moments we did have for the treasures they were.

Because the difficult truth is that God never promised that this life would be fair. In fact, He said it wouldn't. And although my very human heart yearns for my Sunshine and shakes my fist at the God who did not restore him to my arms, it also sings praises to that same God as the one who took Logan's hand at death's door and ushered him into paradise. I'm grateful for all of the lessons he taught me over his short five and a half years on this earth --lessons that I'm still continuing to digest even now on his 17th birthday-- and I'm grateful that I will see him whenever Someday arrives. 

Happy birthday, Logan. I love you.

July 30

The baseball calendar made it a challenge, but we finally managed to host a summer birthday party this afternoon.

So after church, Adam picked up pizza from Zachary's for lunch, and his parents and Eric's family joined us for chit-chat and pool time and cupcakes. The celebrants in attendance --Isaac and Emily-- blew out their candles along with a third for Logan (who's 17th birthday is tomorrow, as crazy as that sounds).

It was a good time with family celebrating more years of life for two of us while simultaneously remembering the mark Logan left on all of our hearts. And I am thankful for all of those years.

July 29

It was a beautiful Saturday.

I assumed it was hot out since the sun was intense when I was out during the morning hours so I spent much of the day inside. But when I finally ventured out onto the deck during the waning hours of the afternoon, I was surprised by how comfortable it was: not hot, not cool. Just right, as Goldilocks would assert.

So I reclined for a while on the couch and crocheted, and looked out at our yard and marveled over how idyllic it felt to be there. 

I don't always remember to be grateful for our yard and for the blue skies overhead, but today I did. And I am.

July 28

Adam returned from his business trip this afternoon, so there was a fair amount of random chatter at the dinner table.

But my favorite moment of the evening involved Isaac. He'd been sitting there in his seat, quietly eating his spaghetti while the rest of us engaged in an unusual discussion regarding "The Barbie Movie" and "Oppenheimer". As Adam got up for seconds, a bemused Isaac said --almost under his breath-- "what happened while I was at camp?"

I can't recreate the moment in a way that will be particularly funny to anyone who wasn't there, but the way he said it made me laugh out loud. 

So today I'm grateful for unexpected moments of humor.

July 27

I had some errands to run this morning and since she didn't have to work today, Abby came along for the ride, and one of our stops was Costco.

I tried on just about every pair of glasses in the optical shop and after some heming, hawing, and mulling, I decided on my frames and ordered them. (Woohoo!) Then we whirled around the store itself to pick up a few items. Just for kicks, Abby mounted the end of the cart for a few moments just as she did so, so many times as a little girl. (It's not as easy to see over her as it used to be.) It was strange to think that those days when Abby and Logan would stand together on the end of the cart were so long ago. 

Anyway, it was fun being out with her. It was fun to try on frames and get her opinions (although we have vastly different taste, her expressions told me when something was a definite NO) and it was fun to sit in the food court eating our hot dogs and talking. So for the time with my girl, I'm grateful.

July 26

Isaac has always insisted that he doesn't have seasonal allergies. Brady, on the other hand, fully admits that he does and takes his allergy medication religiously. But even he has slacked a bit of late and has been paying the price.

Anyway, both boys got up this morning suffering from stuffy noses so both spent much of the day playing video games and lying very low. By mid-afternoon, Isaac felt lousy enough that when I came into the kitchen, I found Brady dosing him with his allergy meds.

And then a little later, I found him in his room asleep on the floor. I watched him for a minute and then quietly closed the door. 

It's not fun to feel unwell, so I'm thankful that he knew that the best course of action was to rest.

July 25

I'm not big on loud noise so it's always been hard for me to be in small spaces with lots of people. It's draining. But Brady's team party was tonight at a local popular eatery and he wanted to go, so off we all went.

And thankfully, it wasn't bad at all. We managed to snag a booth so we ate our pizza (Isaac and Brady) and meatball subs (Abby and me) at our own pace.  

In hindsight, it was actually really nice to be out with them just talking and eating and enjoying each other's company.

They're growing up, and once again I'm grateful for who they are, who they've been, and who they're becoming because they're all awesome.

July 24

First off, my nephew Brendan turned 19 today. Nineteen already! Happy birthday, B!! Now onto our today.

Brady played his last summer All-Star game this evening (and went 2 for 4 at the plate, which is quite respectable). 

Abby helped me out big time by shuttling Adam to the BART station so he could catch a flight for a work trip AND then picking up Isaac from the camp bus and bringing him over to Brady's game. (Got all that? The key point: she was indispensable!)

It's just so wonderful to have my chicks under my roof again. It was wonderful sitting and talking with Isaac about his camp experience. It was wonderful being at the dinner table with them watching them eat their Mickey D's cuisine. And right now it's wonderful that I'm sitting in my room because Abby and Isaac are in the midst of an extended and far too precious to interrupt round of one-on-one sibling chat (and hearty laughter) time in the family room.

They are all wonderful. And I am grateful for who they are and who He is.

July 23

The big VBS celebration was this morning at church, and it was a spirit-filler.

That prolly sounds kind of corny, but that's exactly what I thought as I sat there watching the kids and worship leaders singing the VBS songs and performing the coordinating VBS moves: this fills my spirit. This brings me joy. This fills my cup to overflowing. (Yep, sometimes I think like that.)

So for that infusion of joy and for every volunteer and every kid who came to learn about Jesus and every family who sent said-kids to learn and play and sing and dance, I am grateful.

July 22

Adam, Abby, and I got up this morning and went to see The Barbie Movie. (Brady bowed out of the experience with a curt "why would you think I would ever want to see The Barbie Movie? It's Barbie. So that was that.)

The film itself was pretty good; Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, and Kate McKinnon were all well-cast in their respective roles. And I legitimately laughed out loud more than once. 

But truthfully, I was most impressed with my Abby. She made the dress she wore --which is a replica of one of the outfits Barbie wears in the movie-- and she did it without a pattern. The dress features a scalloped skirt, a side zipper, and a heart-shaped cut-out in the back, and she made it happen. It really blows me away that she can just do that.

So today, I'm thankful for the blessing that is my girl. And I'm thankful for her talents and her enthusiasm. (And I'm thankful for the big hug she spontaneously gave me inside the giant doll box, too.) 

July 21

You know how something that's entirely not funny can become funny in an ironic sort of way if it happens over and over again? 

That's how I feel about screws in my tires.

My car had been telling me for a few days that the air pressure in my rear passenger tire was low, so I (well, Adam, because I can't seem to get air compressors to work correctly) dutifully re-inflated it to an acceptable volume at the gas station every few days. At some point, I scraped up against a curb so I assumed that was the issue, but no: a cursory inspection of said-tire revealed this little darling embedded in the tread this afternoon.

Here's the funny-not-funny part: it's either the fourth or fifth time it's happened in the last six months. I have no clue how I've managed to run over that many screws --because they're always screws-- but at least this time, it was patch-able. (And a big thank you to my hunny for taking it over to Costco to have that done this evening.)

I could get annoyed and part of me certainly is annoyed. (And confused. Because seriously, who repeatedly runs over screws? Why are they so drawn to my tires?) But I'm also grateful. I'm grateful that it was fixable this time and that nothing bad happened as I drove around waiting to have it repaired. And I'm grateful that I can find the humor in the ridiculousness of the reality.

July 20

I'm sure I've said this before, but I so love having an apple tree.

That affinity probably has roots in my childhood, when we had huge gardens and grew our own fruits and veggies. 

Space restrictions mean the big garden can't be a thing for me now, so I treasure the tree. And I love going out periodically and checking on the fruit's growth. So that's what I did this evening, and this is just one of the many branches of fledgling apples that I found.

They still need to grow before they'll be ready to pick, but I'm thankful now for what's to come.

July 19

One of the many things I love about Isaac is that he's open to challenges and experiences that might make him uncomfortable.

Like this morning when I took him to Granada High School to catch the bus to Young Life camp. He is, once again, the only student from his school attending, and I know he was nervous as the other kids milled around in their own social circles. But those nerves didn't stop him from smiling when he lined up by the bus shortly before departure. (And believe me, this is a small portion of the whole group. I just cropped it down so he'd be fully visible.) And they didn't stop him from boarding the bus and cheerfully texting our family group chat as he traveled toward camp.

I think that if we're being honest, we're all comfort-seekers to an extent. It is, after all, easier to stay in our bubbles with our familiar people and situations and routines. But as I've gotten older, I've become increasingly convinced that we don't really grow --or we don't grow nearly as much as God wants us to grow --when we don't take leaps of faith and stretch ourselves with new experiences. With people and places that throw us into a position of needing to rely on Jesus to get through.

I have no idea how he'll fare at camp --if he'll make any new friends or have any life-enriching experiences-- but I'm hopeful that he'll have a good time. And I'm grateful for the example he probably has no idea he's setting.

July 18

Isaac wasn't in a good mood this afternoon.

He leaves for Young Life camp tomorrow morning so he doesn't get to finish the week at VBS. And, as he told me today, VBS is one of his favorite parts of the summer so he's really bummed out. 

But he also had a great time at camp last summer and wanted to go again this year.

It's tough when you have to choose between multiple good things, so I felt sad for him and gave him his space to work it out.

And fortunately, by the time Brady's game concluded this evening, he'd transformed from Cranky Isaac back into Regular/Goofy Isaac. Which meant he was back to his usual chit-chatting self.

So tonight, I'm thankful for resilience.

July 17

It's VBS week, so these three young people got up early, donned their special t-shirts, and headed over to church for the festivities.

All three have aged out of camper status, so they're all working as volunteers: Abby with the first-third graders, Isaac with the fourth-sixth graders, and Brady with games. 

It was a bit surreal watching them troop out to the Explorer and drive off on their own, but it was also a luxury to realize that the mom-taxi is off-duty for the week. 

I'm not quite sure how so many years passed by so quickly (because wasn't wee Abby just talking about how she aspired to be a Hula Girl worship leader? And beyond that, wasn't Logan just in the preschool room charming Julia and the other female teenage volunteers with his radiant grin and big blue eyes?), but I'm thankful for who they are and who they're continuing to become. I'm grateful that they're all willing to give of their time to share the love of Jesus with other kids. That's my squad, and I love them so.

July 16

Brady and the All-Stars had a great game this afternoon, so after they'd posted their 4-2 victory over Dublin's all-star squad, I took him to DQ for a beat-the-heat treat. (Since it was also over 100 degrees again and mama was hot.)

I'm really happy for this kiddo, his teammates, and their coaches. The summer season didn't start out well at all, but they scratched out two wins over the weekend. And they're legitimately playing much, much better baseball with more hitting and fewer bizarre miscues.

So today I'm grateful lots of things, including his entire team's dedication to the sport, for another chance to see them play, and of course, for ice cream.

July 15

The Wight boys played in a grand total of four games today. (And it was over 100 degrees out. Yeah. Good times.)

This is a pic I took of Brady after game one (which, for the record, was their first win of the summer. It was a long time coming!). I snapped it because I noticed the smudge of dirt on his cheek and it made me smile.

I love their dedication to the game. I love how they run after balls and swing the bat hard and slide. And, as much as I don't love laundry, I love it when they play so hard that they're filthy by the time they get in the car to head home.

So for their inspirational love of the game, I am thankful.

July 14

I found Abby like this in the family room after she got home from work this afternoon.

To sum up the scene, we have phone in hand, Carol tucked behind her leg, cup of delicious nugget ice (I adore my machine; best appliance purchase ever) within reach, and BearBear and Chub knotted in a brotherly embrace.

This girl of mine certainly makes life more interesting. And for that extra punch of color, I am grateful.

July 13

The Mother Ship had a tray of itty bitty espresso chip frap samples on the counter when I stopped in for my coffee this morning.

It was a tiny taste of sugary deliciousness and I although I'm trying to limit my intake of such delicacies these days, I don't regret the decision to slurp it down.

It's nice to have a treat sometimes, so I'm thankful for this one.

July 12

I'm a little more than halfway through this year's temperature blanket, and I like it so far.

Each five-degree block of temperatures is represented by a different color, and each row represents a single day. While it's fairly common to choose warmer colors (like yellow or orange) for hot temperatures and cooler shades (like blues and purples) for cold temps, I went with an entirely blue/green palatte for this one. I was thinking as I added the row for yesterday's high temp that it should make a nice winter cuddle blanket for the family room.

So today, even though it's hot outside, I'm grateful for items that provide warmth when it's cold.

July 11

I've been eye-phobic for as long as I can remember so I actively avoid visiting the optometrist. It's just not appealing to be sitting in an exam room praying that I won't break into a cold sweat and pass out. (I've done the former. More than once. And it's more than a little embarrassing to have a panic attack at the doctor's office at 45.) But Abby needed to go so I bucked up and made myself an appointment as well (since my glasses literally fell apart a few months ago). And today was the day.

Fortunately, everything looked fine for both of us, and we both had only minor changes to our prescriptions. And although I did feel my anxiety level rising as I sat in front of the glaucoma test machine and I absolutely glanced around the room to see if there was an emergency trash can available (there was not), I prayed for peace. And I got through the experience just fine.

Abby found herself a new pair pretty quickly (and they'll be revealed at a later date; these are her old ones). But me... nope. I tried on just about every pair and didn't love any of them. So my quest will continue.

But for now, I'm grateful that my prayer for an uneventful visit was answered as it was. Me keeping it together wasn't exactly a miracle, but it was close.

July 10

Here they are: my two Royals walking over to the Sports Park for some BP this morning in advance of Brady's game this evening (during which, for the record, he smacked two doubles. Batting practice with the big brother for the win!). 

I'll back up for a sec. Brady tried out for a 13U spot in our local Babe Ruth program a few weeks ago. A lot of kids tried out and almost all of them were very talented, and although Isaac is part of the system --that's his Royals team-- there were no guarantees. 

But as it turned out, Isaac's coach summoned Brady for some workouts and after the last one, offered him one of the five spots available for 13-year old players. And he accepted. That means that for the first time ever, Isaac and Brady will be on the same team --the Royals-- during next spring/summer's big season. 

I'm grateful to God for the opportunity that Isaac had to join the Royals over the summer. The head coach is a great young guy who really loves the game and enjoys helping players develop their skills. And I'm grateful that Brady will have the chance to have a similar experience. I'm already looking forward to the Wight brothers action.

July 9

We arrived at the field for the third and final game of the day a bit early, so I took a walk. 

The tournament in question is being held at a park that features a big rose garden, so I made a conscious decision to stop and smell several of them along the way.

Most of them were past their prime (given that it's July and all), but this one was particularly fragrant. So much so that I closed my eyes and took an extended second (and then third) sniff.

God makes lots of things that look beautiful -- the sky, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, all kinds of things. But He also makes things that smell beautiful. I guess it's an odd thing to say, but it's true that I rarely stop to appreciate amazing scents. 

So today, I'm thankful for all forms of beauty that God has gifted us -- not just the ones I can see.

July 8

I'm always pretty real, but I'm going to be really real for a minute.

It's July, which is a big month for tournaments, so both Isaac and Brady had games today: Brady in Danville this morning, Isaac in Sunnyvale this afternoon (and that was a doubleheader). (For non-locals, those towns are not close together.)

It hadn't initially been the plan for Adam and I to attend both boys' games, but Brady's team was mercy-ruled in four, so we wound up driving en masse to Sunnyvale for Isaac's doubleheader. To sum up the scoring there, they lost game one 0-12 and then won game two 11-0. (That's baseball for ya.) Isaac accrued two hit-by-pitches, which is bizarre in and of itself, but what was even odder was seeing him at first base. Although Brady routinely plays at first, Isaac does not. In fact, we couldn't remember the last time he did. (Adam surmised A-ball, back when he was a member of the illustrious Grasshoppers. He's probably right.) But he did just fine. (And for the record, yes, that's him with the glove.)

So that was our day. But here's the really real part I was talking about: I'm tired. Like melt-in-my-chair, can hardly hold my head up tired. It's partly because it's challenging to sit in the sun all day long without moving around much, which is what happens when you're attending multiple consecutive baseball games. But it's also because I've let myself get tired on a soul-deep level. I've allowed myself to be hurt by others' slights. I've listened to the whispers that tell me I'm too much or not enough. I've fallen way, way short of the standards I hold for myself when it comes to parenting my kids. And worst of all, on many occasions, I've forgotten to pray to the God of all creation for guidance when I feel lost. (Or honestly, even when I don't.) I've become complacent.

But the good news is that I'm now aware that I've once again fallen short. And I've repented once again and once again I'm starting over. So for the truth that tomorrow is a new day and that God forgives my shortcomings over and over (and over) again, I'm thankful.

July 7

Initially, the plan was for all of us to go into San Francisco today. But then Isaac remembered he'd signed up for a baseball practice this morning and didn't want to flake, and Brady had a practice of his own this evening, so I decided I'd stay home with them. So Abby and Adam went alone. And from what I gather, they had a great time.

I didn't get to see the Golden Gate or have cookies in the Japanese Tea Garden like they did, but I did have McDonalds with Isaac and Brady at lunchtime. I plunked down on the very hard floor in the entryway and chit-chatted while they ate. And then a little later, I got to watch Isaac build a trap in MineCraft. And I got to watch a few moments of Brady's practice.

So for all of those little moments with my favorite boys, I am thankful.

July 6

Dating way back to our college days, Adam and I have always enjoyed going on walks. We've walked around our neighborhoods, hiking trails, at the beach, through parks. But we haven't pounded the pavement much since he fractured his ankle back in February.

So this evening after dinner when he asked if I wanted to go for a walk, I figured he meant the very brief loop we've taken on (rare) occasion this year. 

But, as it turned out, he did not. He meant a real walk. So that's what we did.

It didn't feel much like it as I was huffing up a hill with a particularly brutal grade, but it was a blessing to be out there again with my hunny, chatting and taking some familiar scenery I hadn't seen in a while.

July 5

It's another one of those "I took one photo today and this is it" days. So here it is:

Brady had a scrimmage tonight against the B-team, and this was taken during a mid-inning huddle. 

It got a little hairy during the final inning (both on the field and in the stands, courtesy of a strange guy who showed up, talked too much, and then refused to leave), but in the end, the A-team won fairly handily (and one of our coaches stepped up and kept the unruly visitor in check until we could all leave). 

It's always a blessing to be able to watch my kiddos do things they enjoy, so I'm grateful that I got to see him play. (And that strange guy didn't cause any real trouble.)

July 4

We've not historically been big partiers, so it's not surprising that we opted for a low-key fourth of July: Abby went to work, Adam and I watched some old episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 from the boxed set I gave him a year or two ago, and the male-folk viewed MI2. (He's getting the boys ready to see the next film in the series when it comes out next weekend.)

Then this evening, we all gathered around the kitchen table for hot dogs, hamburgers, watermelon, and potato chips. And then after dinner, we played several rounds of Seven Up and Class Struggle. (And I think I even won more frequently than I lost. That's an anomaly.)

It was a very 'us' kind of evening. And it was a blessing to just be 'us', laughing and being too loud (ahem... Brady) and doing those us-things that we like to do. 

July 3

This spring's unusually high rainfall totals made our one and only apple tree happy. Bumper crop-happy.

The fruit won't be ready for another month or so (or maybe longer), but I love going out there to inspect the progress. It is, of course, a gradual kind of progress that's nearly impossible to see on a day to day basis, but when I think back to last month, the growth is undeniable.

People are like that too -- sometimes it's hard to see growth from one day to the next. But when we look back on who we were last year or the year before that, we can see how we've changed and matured.

So today, I'm grateful for bumper crops of delicious apples and for the reminder that growth may be slow, but it leads to sweet blessings.

July 2

It was another hot one today, so we closed it out with some ice cream.

There's nothing quite as sweet (pun entirely intended) as enjoying a delicious cup of peanut butter-chocolate ice cream with my favorite young people (and my hunny) on a warm, clear summer night. 

July 1

It's so strange to think that we're already halfway through 2023. Just like that, it's July.

We kicked off the second half of the year with a 107-degree day, which mostly translates to "I stayed inside with the a/c running" and "the boys splashed around in the pool."

And then after dinner, the stuffie summit began once again on the kitchen floor. 

I'm not entirely sure what was going on between Chub and BearBear and the gang, but it made Abby and Isaac and Brady happy. And that is a blessing to me.