February 26

Every now and then, I wake up in the morning, think of Logan, and my heart aches. And it's not a fleeting pain; it's an intense, full-bodied sensation that feels like it might break me in two. Long story  shorter, I had one of those experiences today.

As I laid there with my face scrunched up and pressed against the pillow --trying to harden myself against the onslaught of emotion that prior experience has taught me was on its way-- I silently prayed "Holy Spirit, come and fill the broken places with Your presence."

And then slowly, gradually, the hurt subsided. And then I had a memory followed by a distinct vision. The memory was a bit of scripture from the book of John, which I'm currently reading, in which John the Baptist says that in order for Jesus to become more, he (John) must become less. I know that in context, John was talking about the vital importance of Jesus' ministry continuing to grow, but the vision that I had made me look at his words a little differently.

See, in that moment as I felt the Holy Spirit come and relieve my pain, I also saw it pour into my heart. It filled in the cracks and crevices that would otherwise cause me immeasurable discomfort with peace beyond explanation. In essence, it brought supernatural healing to my human suffering as it renewed the injured areas of my heart. It made --and makes-- me less like broken, injured, fully human me, and more like Jesus. To borrow John's words, as the pain faded, I was becoming less while He was becoming more.

I know I could never do enough work on myself to heal the hurts I've suffered in this lifetime. I don't have that kind of power. So I'm grateful to have a Savior who does have that kind of power, and I'm grateful for the gift of being able to call on His name.