December 27

Today was a busy one. We took a big family photo, had lunch with said family members, spent some tokens at Chuck E. Cheese, visited some great friends of mine for a good chat and run-around time, and had dinner at one of my favorite local joints.

It was also a big day for another reason: when the day dawned, Isaac officially outlived Logan. My sunshine passed on to the next life at 5 1/2 years plus 11 days, and today, Isaac turned 5 1/2 years plus 12 days.

There really aren't any words that can adequately explain how that feels. It's wonderful and horrible all at once; wonderful that we've been blessed by Isaac's inherent sweetness for 5 1/2 years plus 12 days. But devastating that Logan's journey with us --at least the physical part-- came to an end when it did. I'll always think of Logan as the oldest brother, even as the Little Boys grow up and surpass him in human years, because he is and I know we'll see him again some day. But the milestones like the one we hit today feel impossibly hard and doubly impossibly painful.

Since it's my custom to include a photo, here's one from dinner that fits the bill:

Obviously, it features the Little Boys; two of the three people on this earth who remind me of Logan the most. When we ate, we sat in a booth where we sat with Logan two years ago. He was in bad shape back then and the experience was a painful one, but it was a blessing to remember sitting with him, in the very same eatery I frequented as a kid, sharing a meal and just being. And for those memories, I'm grateful, even as the milestones deepen the cracks in my heart.