December 13

Every now and then, I start to wonder how Logan is doing. I guess that sounds a little weird, but it's true. As I was falling asleep last night, I asked --okay, well, begged-- God to tell me about him; to show me that he's all right. And happy. In that moment, nothing happened, so I sadly shut down for the evening and closed my eyes.

Our church service this morning was the Christmas special, of sorts, with candles and carols and the Christmas story. I was paying attention, really. I was, at least in a peripheral way: when we arrived, it was pouring buckets of rain, so truthfully, I was more interested in wringing out my soaked sweater and defogging my glasses than listening.

But suddenly, out of nowhere, the pastor's words grabbed my attention. I can't even tell you the context because I didn't hear it fully, but he said that Jesus gathers up the sheep and holds them close to his heart. And given Logan's love of lambs, he quickly came to mind. And my thoughts immediately returned to last night's plea. A prayer answered.

But that wasn't all; as we went forward to light candles, I had a vision of him sitting with Jesus. His eyes twinkled and he grinned that megawatt smile. And my heart... though it broke a little because him being there meant he wasn't with me... it felt at peace. And these days, that has to be enough.