January 27

I'm a crappy housekeeper. Anyone who's been inside our abode could tell you that, and it's the primary reason why I would jump through a succession of flaming hoops to avoid having visitors. But what you don't know is this: I'm a crappy housekeeper kinda-sorta on purpose.

You didn't know that because I didn't even know it until tonight, when I found myself doing something I'd never done before: cleaning up Logan's Corvettes.

To be fair, they're the Corvettes we've acquired since he passed; the ones that called out 'hey look, I remind you of Logan!' from their shelf pegs. The ones that still make me smile when I see them.

But today, for some reason, I decided that they needed to be organized. I bought a plastic container (and, admittedly, the four cars with flame jobs right there on top because dude, I could hear him chirping 'what cool fllllllaaaaame jobs!' in the far corner of my mind) and I organized. I wandered around the house picking up the 'Vettes I found so I could tuck them away for safe keeping.

I don't know why today was the day that I decided to straighten up. Maybe because almost four years after his passing, I realized that organizing them didn't mean that I was packing up Logan to store him away. It just means I'm... straightening up. Trying to restore a sense of order that's long been absent. Maybe even trying to chip away at the walls I've put up around myself; the walls that are designed to both keep my feelings and the sadness in, and to keep others out. Yeah, that may be part of it.

So yup, the Corvettes are neatly nestled in their new home. But it's a comfort to know that they'll be safely hidden away under my bed, and that I'll be able to take a peek at them whenever I feel the need to take a cruise down memory lane.