September 25

The sermon this morning was, at its core, about waiting on God's perfect timing and perfect plan for this life. And about trusting in His love for all of us and about how our hearts become injured when we don't trust in that love. I kind of listened. By "kind of listened," I mean I heard it. But I didn't let the words sink into my heart, mostly because I know my heart is injured. And because at my core, I'm still mad and hurt over what happened to Logan. Over God not stopping it. So even though I know I'm damaged goods in precisely the way the speaker described it, I decided --in that kind of begrudging preschooler-esque way-- that I was okay with being hurt. So I dismissed the message and moved on with my day.

Later on this evening, I was watching a movie on TV and wouldn't you just know it? That same message came up again.

This woman who'd put a wall up between herself and God after muddling through years of pain and disappointment found herself needing to believe in God and His promises. And of course because it's the movies, the miracle came and things were made right. Not perfect, but right. None of the bad things from her past were suddenly undone, but she made a choice to start to believe anyway.

I'm not saying she's me, but there are parallels. And I'm quite conscious that during those scenes, God reached out to me for a second time today to try to deliver the same message. Only this time, I heard Him for real. And I think that can only be described as a good thing.