I didn't sign up to volunteer at the Little Boys' Fun Run at school today, but I showed up to watch them circle the field. (And I even jogged a few laps with Brady. My knees will probably hate me in the morning.) As I returned some silly bands to the set-up table, the PTA president asked if I wanted to take a shirt and be an official volunteer. Each grade level was assigned a different color so theoretically, I should've gone with green (to match Isaac and the third graders) or purple (for Brady and the kindergartners). But I didn't. I went with blue, the color for fifth grade.
To this day, I still struggle to decide whether to say Logan would be in fourth or fifth grade. The reality is that he'd be in fourth if he'd lived, since he fell a year behind while he was in treatment. But if he'd never gotten sick in the first place, he'd most definitely be in fifth. So something in my mind clicked when I chose blue. In a way, it's like I was representing him, even though he never got to be a student there at all. And that one small thing did a great thing for my heart.
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