August 12

It may still be mid-August and nowhere near the end of actual summer, but today marked the first day of what will be a three-year span of three kids in three different schools as Abby started her sophomore year in high school, Isaac began the sixth grade at the middle school, and Brady continued on with third grade in elementary.

When all was said and done and the trio of drop-offs and pick-ups were in the rear view mirror, I gleaned enough information to determine that they had largely drama-free first days. And I'm thankful for that.

I had a somewhat different experience as I spent part of the morning battling a not entirely unexpected wave of melancholy that set in as I sipped my coffee. First days of school are never uncomplicated for me because Logan isn't here. I don't get to see him fixing his hair or meeting up with his friends or taking Isaac under his wing at the middle school. I don't get to take his picture by the front door and I don't get to marvel over how close he is to being taller than me (because I'm pretty sure he'd be edging ever closer to the mark by now). I grieve for what I assumed would be that isn't. And that's always, always hard.

But even amid the hard, I'm still thankful that he was here. And I'm still thankful that he left thumbprints all over my heart and that I have these three, who are growing into themselves more and more with each passing day while simultaneously doing little, virtually imperceptible things that remind me that they're his siblings and that his heart is still inextricably entwined with theirs whether they realize it or not. So for those connections that criss-cross time and space and for good first days and for memories and for the promise of what will be one day, I'm thankful, even though life is unfair and some days are more difficult than I'd like them to be.