December 31

With only a few grains in the hourglass that is 2022 still left to fall, I feel contemplative. And grateful. Yes, mostly grateful.

Although I know it's been a difficult year for a lot of people I know and for the world in general, it was a good one for me. A great one, really, mostly because I got to spend it making memories (DC, Disneyland, and Chicago) with these people. And because it was so much gentler than I'd expected it to be 365 days ago.

Yes, I admit that I definitely faced the dawn of 2022 with trepidation. I knew it was going to be a year of many big anniversaries (10 years since Logan's death, our 20th wedding anniversary, my grandma's 100th birthday) and even bigger changes (Abby graduating from high school and moving away to college and turning 18). And I wasn't confident that I'd handle all of those monumental events well. And those worries were well-founded, as the me I once was didn't handle change with much grace. 

Now none of it was easy, per se; I cried when Abby walked across the stage at Amador Valley High School to claim her diploma (holder) in June. I cried even more when we dropped her off 2,000 miles away at Wheaton College in August so she could embark on the next chapter of her life. I slogged through the endless trips to baseball practices and games from Spring Little League to Summer All-Stars to Fall Ball, from Dublin to San Ramon to Concord to Livermore to Danville. 

But my heart also swelled with joy seeing pictures of my girl with her college girlfriends and hearing her talk about them with such genuine affection. And it sighed in satisfaction as both Isaac and Brady adjusted to high school and middle school with zero complications. And it cheered with legitimate excitement as strikes were thrown and balls were sent screaming into the outfield. And it celebrated the 20 years of marriage Adam and I have achieved. We're still trucking along, despite the heartache we've endured. And that's no small thing.

I think 2022 also brought my understanding of God into better focus; how He's always been with me no matter what. How He wants good things for me. How He showers grace into my life every day. And how He wants me to love not just those who are easy to love, but everyone. Even the ones I'd like to ship straight to Abu Dhabi. (Garfield reference there just for kicks.) And He taught me that the best present to give is often quiet presence, because walking with someone who is hurting is one of the biggest blessings a human being can experience.

So yes, as 2022 draws to a close, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for my family and for all of my friends -- both new and old. And I'm grateful for whatever will be in 2023, because God will use whatever is to continue to shape me into the better, more refined version of me that He's had in mind all along.

Happy New Year's Eve, my friends. May God bless all of you in 2023, and may you always be aware of His presence.