May 7

I stopped to take this photo as Brady and I walked to pick up Isaac from school early this afternoon.

I don't know why it caught my attention like it did. Maybe it was the blue sky. Or may it was the way the leaves rustled in the breeze that's kept temperatures cool all week long. Or maybe it was the way the sunlight filtered from the heavens down to earth.

Whatever the reason, it's a pretty scene. And it reminds me that no matter what my circumstances, the sun keeps on shining and God keeps on blessing me.

May 6

This week is always going to be a hard one for me. May 4 and 5 marked Logan's two stem cell transplant days. They were supposed to be his brand new, back-to-back re-birthdays; the new infusion of clean, strong cells was supposed to complete his recovery. But that didn't happen. And today --the day after, two years later-- I felt it like a brick wall to the head.

I looked for him today. I'm always conscious of the painful truth that he's missing, but today was different. Today I kept turning around and thinking that I saw him; that he'd run just out of sight and of reach and that all I needed to do was to run after him, corral him and take him back into the fold.

But of course, that's not my 'I am human and this is my lot in life' reality.

Still, I was extra-mindful of observing his little brothers.

I've said it many times before, but I really do see a lot of him in the two of them (and in Abby). I see him in their shared easy sense of humor and penchant for dancing. And I see him in their smiles and in the way their eyes shine when they're being sneaky and think I don't suspect anything.

So yes. Today, I watched them and I imagined what it would be like if he were there with them. And like I do every day, I wished that things could have gone differently two years ago.

May 5

Brady and I usually stop at the park after we drop off Abby and Isaac at school each morning. He likes to make me pizza and ice cream (also known as tan bark and sand). This morning, as I sat on the play structure steps waiting for him to finish his daily 'cooking' activity, I heard him say mommy, look at this. I turned around and saw this:

I'm not entirely sure that he fully understands the meaning of the cross. He is, after all, only three years old. But he knows it's an important symbol.

And I'm thankful that he decided to show it to me, because it's always good to be reminded of that sacrifice, especially as a new week full of possibility begins.

May 4

I guess yesterday was more tiring that I'd realized, because I slept in today til nearly noon. Boing!

Sleep is so utterly important and restorative. I'm surprised I managed to stay down for as long as I did, but I'm grateful that my family allowed me to rest. It was a blessing indeed.

May 3

Today was probably the busiest Saturday I've had in a long while. I began it by donning a dress and speaking at my church's women's retreat. Then I came home, slipped into my 80s gear (and hair) and helped Abby with hers before running over to the dance studio for photo number one. Then I ran home again, and while Abby changed into her tap costume I helped Isaac into his (and tried very hard to de-frizz my hair just a wee bit. I failed). But one of the highlights of my day was my talk.

Despite the fact that I had ample time to prepare, I could never seem to come up with the perfect words, so I entered the day not entirely sure of what I'd say when the hour arrived. I just prayed that God would show up and give me the words.

And He did. I not only got through it, but I wasn't nervous and I said what I wanted to say, as well as a few things that just came to me as I was standing there. And the message seemed to resonate with some of the women there.

I love having tangible proof that God shows up when we ask Him to.

May 2

I don't live anywhere near where I grew up, so I don't get to share many personally nostalgic places or things with Abby. But every now and then, I do get to share something meaningful with her.

Tomorrow is dance picture day, so I put her hair up in socks tonight, just like my mom and grandma used to do for me when I was a kid. (We won't discuss the 16 little braids I put in my own hair to be frizz-ready for our mother/daughter Ladies of the 80s photo. Yeah. Ladies attending Centerpointe's women's retreat tomorrow, be prepared.)

Anyway, it's a blessing to be able to share those mundane but important mom/daughter experiences with my girl.

May 1

Brady and I have a little Thursday morning tradition. After we drop Abby and Isaac at school, we swing through the McDonalds drive-thru. I usually have a coffee and he gets a hash brown and some ice water. Then, we drive to preschool and sit in the parking lot while he eats and we listen to the radio.

He loves being able to roam around the car; he especially loves sitting in Abby's seat and spreading out his napkin on the center console. And I love watching him laugh and smile.

Just before he goes inside, I give him two or three pieces of candy corn from a bag I keep on the floor and he pretends they're pacifiers and laughs some more.

It's just a little weekly routine, but I treasure it.