May 8

Today was the preschool's Mommy and Me Tea. It's pretty much the same each and every year: the mommies go to chapel; the kids come in bearing roses and huge smiles and present them to us; we sit together and watch a slideshow featuring photos from the school year that's set to a trio of nostalgic country tunes; and finally, a 'tea' in the classroom. Yet somehow, it never gets old.

This is kind of a lousy pic, but it's what I quickly snapped with my cell as Brady and his friends entered the church -- he's in the center:

I didn't cry over the photos this year, but I came close more than once. Not because of Brady, but because I can't help but remember sitting there with Logan, watching HIS slideshow and thinking about how he was my little man. And I couldn't help remembering how back then, I could sing along with the lyrics of one of the songs --Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, just stay this little...-- and mean the words. And in those moments, I found myself entangled in a mess of emotion... if only Logan had gotten to grow up, everything would be so different. And I envied the moms all around me who can still sing those words with sincerity.

None of this is to say that it wasn't a good day; it's just not the same for me as it is for most others. And if nothing else, it all reminds me to be very thankful for Jesus' sacrifice and what it means for us.