July 31

Today is Logan's 18th birthday. As utterly improbable as it seems, my sweet Sunshine is an adult.

There it is; I wrote it out. It's a foreign and jarring truth since I haven't laid eyes on him since he was five and a half. But according to the calendar, it has indeed been a full 18 years since he debuted in the outside world and began the very short but very effective process of wrapping me around his little finger with his huge grins and funky dance moves and entirely random tales of the land of Ponow.

I so wish I could see him at 18. Would his strawberry blonde tresses be brown now? Would his eyes still be that beautiful sky shade of blue? Would he play video games with his brothers? Would he and Abby still share that special sibling bond they enjoyed when they were kids, before it all went so sideways? I don't and won't know. And that's hard to accept. But I'm always working on letting go of the whys and focusing on the blessing that was having him with us, even for a short time.

And that's more or less what we did today: I wore my Cars shirt that sports a picture of Sally. We honored his love of "that brown bread" by going to Outback for lunch. And we indulged in Costco pizza for dinner and chocolate-chocolate cake for dessert. And it was all very good. Very, very good. Very five-year-old Logan-approved.

So as I look back and remember him today, on his 18th birthday, I am grateful that I got to care for him until he was five and a half. And I'm grateful that he continues to inspire me all these years later to be a better human. I love you, Logan. So much.