April 12

Just because I was curious, I looked back at my entry from last Easter just now. And in that moment, I had a strange thought: I've come much further than I'd realized.

Last year's commentary was bittersweet, with threads of sadness weaved throughout the tapestry of an otherwise decent day. But this year's... this year's is blessedly different. It's a mishmash of lighthearted and joyful and even celebratory at times, with just a single thread of sadness woven into its cloth.

It began with cinnamon rolls and Easter baskets in the family room, and then there was church online and an egg hunt in our backyard under cloudy skies. (And The Bunny was super tired after climbing those stairs.) Since I am me and I treasure my pictures, I made my people pose for a few before we headed back inside. Here's one of the better ones.

The early afternoon hours brought a trip to the cemetery with I-love-you hands waved high at the sky and then lunch for the others while I got dinner --a pot roast-- into the oven. And then there were video calls with family and our first-ever dip in the hot tub, which --given that the sun had, by that juncture, driven the clouds away leaving nothing but an expanse of blue overhead-- wasn't nearly as unpleasant or chilly as I'd worried it would be. And then Adam and I took a turn around the new neighborhood, trekking down new streets we'd not yet explored, before the oven timer dinged and dinner was served. Then there was a pair of games of 7Up played around the kitchen table and --finally-- bedtime for the boys.

And now, as I watch the light blue sky grow darker through the high windows in the family room, I can close my eyes and nod and say with certainty that it was a good day. It was a blessed day of remembering that though Logan isn't growing older with us, he still is, and he is because of Jesus. Don't misunderstand me: I don't love that sweet Sunshine of mine any less than I did on the day that he was born nor the day that he died, but I know that our separation is a temporary one. I've always known that, of course, but the I feel like my conviction is stronger than it was a year ago. And given where I've been, that's a sure sign of amazing love in action.