March 31

This is pretty much what Spring Break looks like at our house:

I know a lot of people like to cram a lot of activity into break weeks, but I'm not like that. Nope. I prefer to just sit at home and watch the kiddos come up with their own versions of fun. Sometimes, they come up with great ideas, like staging plays and creating complicated games in the back yard. But today, they kept it simple: Isaac and Brady played video games. Brady built with Legos. Abby dressed up like a princess, played with her new bunny toy and, well, played some video games, too.

We didn't do much, but it was still a good day because I got to watch them do their own things, how they wanted to do them. It's nothing extraordinary, but it's a blessing.

March 30

Abby came home today from Adam's parents' house bearing gifts: a pumpkin pie that she helped bake and a stack of homemade Easter cards.

Part of me is always afraid of the day when the kids will stop including Logan in their cards or special projects. Not that I think that will ever happen; I just don't know. I can't see the future, after all.

Anyway, it took me a few hours to work up the courage to look through Abby's pile. And when I did, there it was: the card I feared wouldn't be there. The one for Logan.

In hindsight, my worry was ridiculous, since Logan is very much alive in his best friend's heart. And he always will be. And for that, and for every card that's been made for him, I'm thankful.

March 29

We visited Logan's grave today. The lavender we planted last year is thriving; beautiful, bright, and abuzz with a host of busy bees.

It's a little strange, but I love how the bees are drawn to the lavender. They add such vibrant life to a space that's otherwise quiet, still, and essentially devoid of all activity.

March 28

Once upon a time (a few years ago), I'd notice and remark on every single Corvette that crossed my line of sight. It seemed a natural thing to do, since they were Logan's favorite and each one we saw would spur memories of his little voice chirping about their sleek coolness.

Gradually, I stopped talking about every single one. But I've always noticed them. Every single one. And I've taken mental photographs of every single one; I store them in my heart so I can pull them out and ruminate over them whenever I feel the need.

Today, for some reason, those beautiful cars seemed to be everywhere we went.

There was a yellow one on the way to lunch. Then there was a red one during our second attempt at going to lunch. (A forgotten wallet disrupted the usual routine and commanded an unplanned trip home.) And then this white one sat in the parking lot near our car after lunch.

Seeing so many of them over such a short span of time... it unleashes a flood of memories of our sweet boy. And for that, I'm infinitely thankful.

March 27

This morning, Brady's preschool celebrated Easter. In addition to a celebratory pot luck lunch and some time in the classroom, we had a chapel session that featured the kids singing little songs and, of course, the telling of the Easter story.

Without going into details, something made me feel a flash of anger as we sat there in the church waiting for the program to start. Just as I felt the jolt of irritation hit me, I heard the preschool director addressing the kids in her usual good-natured, sing-songy tone. I heard her telling them that Jesus is forgiving.

I let it sink in for a moment. And then as Brady's class made their way to the front for their Easter stage debut, I looked up at the overhead screen and saw the words once again: Jesus is Forgiving. Sometimes, "winks" are less "winks" than they are virtual two-by-fours to the forehead. Jesus forgives, and so must I.

March 26

This guy was my shopping date this morning.

Since he didn't complain toooo much at Target, I stopped on the way out to get him a chocolate cake pop and a cup of ice water. (And since I too was good, I got myself some vanilla iced coffee.) And we sat for a spell and enjoyed our drinks.

I love watching this muffin. I love the way he smiles at me like that and how he's quick to apologize if he knows he's done something wrong and how though he definitely has a feisty side, he's still super sweet, too.

I'm so thankful for these little moments that are so easy to miss.

March 25

These girls crack. Me. Up.

I picked up Abby, Isaac, and Abby's friend M from school today. We came home, they all did their homework, and then I sent them outside with popsicles. (It was warm, don't worry.) This was the result when I said "okay, pose."

A pair of Abby's Sunday School teachers recently remarked that she'd really come out of her shell in recent months, and I can totally see it. I'm deeply thankful that despite some less than ideal circumstances, she's continuing to thrive. I think it would make Logan very happy and proud to see his best friend happy again. And both the tangible reality and the theoretical thought... they're blessings.