July 31

Today is Logan's 19th birthday. Maybe it's because our family is on the cusp of significant change with Brady beginning high school next week and both Isaac and Abby graduating and moving on to the next phases of their lives this coming year, but this one was harder for me. It felt much quieter. More reflective. More subdued. But I'm getting ahead of myself, as I so often do.

We (meaning me, Adam, Isaac, and Brady --and Lambie!-- as Abby had to work) began the day by watching old videos of Logan's early days. We didn't have a video camera when he was born so the recordings didn't start until he was nine or ten months old, but the ones that we have are precious. It was such a blessing to see those big blue eyes and that radiant grin in motion on a big screen. It's been so, so long.

After several hours of video action, we embarked on individual activities. I'm not entirely sure what everyone else did, but I went into the bedroom and fell asleep because I was utterly, to the bone exhausted. It's both emotionally and physically taxing to simultaneously celebrate and mourn. 

I'm not sure how long I was out, but I got up in time to head out for early dinner at Outback when Abby got home, since Isaac had to work at 6. We enjoyed some of the really great brown bread that Logan loved so much and then came home, finished assembling the chocolate-chocolate cake, and watched "Cars 2." And then when Isaac got home at 9:30, we closed out the day's festivities with said-cake.

And that was Logan's 19th birthday in a nutshell. It was, as I already wrote, quiet. Maybe even a touch melancholic for me; it's hard to truly celebrate a birthday without the birthday boy present. I'm used to it, of course, but it's still painful in a way that I still can't really describe. 

Still, there were good things about the day. The videos were wonderful. Dinner with the rest of the family was great because although Abby, Isaac, and Brady are all their own distinct selves, I can see bits and pieces of him in them, too. The cake was delicious. It's always fun to watch "Cars" movies. Our old college friend Gerard messaged me a drawing that a friend of his made of Logan as a "Cars" car, which is pretty amazing. Those are all good gifts that today delivered and I am grateful for them.

I sure wish Logan could've been here with us to celebrate number 19, but I'm thankful that he was here to dance and laugh and help me to learn to love being a boy-mom. And I'm thankful that thanks to Jesus, I know I will see him again some day. 

Happy birthday, Sunshine.

July 30

Isaac had some post-braces x-rays scheduled for this afternoon, so I since I'm the Form Of Payment for those things, I drove him to his appointment. And then we went on an impromptu mini shopping trip.

We started off by looking at the kiddie backpacks at one Target, since seniors often use one that's a throwback to their childhoods for the first day of school. The choices were limited, so we went to Walmart (where we struck out entirely) and then to another Target, which had a much better selection than the first. He made a selection that fit the bill quite well, and then we went to Crumbl to pick up the pack of cookies I ordered on a whim..

And then we came home and that was that. He got on with his day --basketball with friends, back home for dinner, and then to work for the remainder of the evening-- and I got on with mine.

It absolutely stuns me that he's going to be a senior in a week. In my mind, he's still my chunky little toddler who didn't say much but looked up at me with those blue eyes that always communicated so much. He's a great kid, this almost-adult of mine. And I am grateful for who he is.

July 29

Is it me or is time just flying by at warp speed? It sure seems that way.

Take these two people here. Twenty-five years ago, they were recent college graduates living in the Bay Area: him in a Motel 6 in Fremont (because the rental market was so insanely tight) and her in a house in Castro Valley.

These same two people have now been married for almost 23 years and spent this evening enjoying a date night at Strizzi's, talking about kids and work and the future over warm bread with olive oil and salad and plates of pasta.

Yep, time is flying by. And although I wish it would slow down sometimes, I'm thankful for the moments like this one.

July 28

Isaac had his braces removed this morning.

Have a gander at his brand new pearly whites. (I have no idea why he makes this face as often as he does these days, but it actually works well for this purpose so there ya go.)

What was supposed to take 18 months or so wound up persisting for two years and nine months, and I think he was starting to think he'd just have them indefinitely. It's a silly thought, of course, but when I look back at myself at 17, it makes perfect sense. Time passed differently back then, or at least it did for me. And an extra year of wires and metal affixed to my teeth would probably have felt like an eternity.

Anyway, it's another milestone for this amazing kiddo of mine. Next week he'll hit yet another one when his senior year of high school begins. But I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, so tonight, I'm grateful that the braces did their job and pleased that Isaac waited patiently for them to come off, even though I know he wanted to rip them off last year. Patience and perseverance are, after all, important building blocks of good character.

July 27

Isaac got home from camp late this afternoon and he told us all about his adventures over dinner.

He's not exactly the most focused speaker much of the time so his recounting meandered from one topic to another and back again. 

But he told his tales with such passion and happiness that it was fascinating to hear and watch him talk. I love how much he loves being at Young Life camp, and I love that he shares his experiences with us. It's a huge blessing in his life, so it's a big blessing in mine as well.

(As for this photo? I probably had better ones of Isaac, but I thought Abby looked so stunning here that I wanted to use it. They --including Brady-- are beautiful, wonderful people and I am thankful for the gift of being their mom.)

July 26

While I was busy enjoying my morning with the amazing prayer shawl ladies, Adam and Abby were out shopping. At one point, Adam texted to ask if I wanted a hot dog or pizza from the Costco food court.

My response was virtually immediate: cheesy pizza please.

Although I don't indulge in this particular treat very often these days, it seemed an appropriate choice today because Logan loved it so, and his birthday is this coming week.

That's right: he'd be turning 19 on the 31st. It's pretty hard to believe since he's frozen at 5 and a half in my mind's eye, but it's true.

So I am grateful that today, I got to remember him and his sweet chirpy voice and his dance moves and his intoxicatingly dazzling smile while munching on one of his very favorite foods. Because flavors --even the simple ones like mozzarella and  tomato sauce and crispy shreds of cheese on crust-- can unlock scores of memories.

July 25

I've been admiring this little branch on one of my tomato plants for a few days now.

I've watched as the hue of each wee fruit gradually morphed its way toward the most harvestable shade: a vibrant red.

And I think there's something so beautiful about how this one branch features so many different colors; each fruit is just ever so slightly lighter or darker than its neighbor, yet they all co-exist so well. And they all successfully grow and mature together as they rely on the same source of nourishment.

Beautiful and also --as odd as it may seem-- a model for how we should strive to live, I think. And for that loveliness and that reminder, I am grateful.