June 7

I went for a walk by myself this evening because I needed some time to decompress and think. I hadn't really resolved any of my issues by the time I got home, but I did find this on the driveway:

I know: a whole dime. Whoop-ti-do. I'm rich. The thing that made it an interesting find is that I'm pretty sure it's the dime Brady dropped when he was getting out of the car a week ago. He was disappointed so we searched and searched for that dime for a good 15 minutes but it was nowhere to be found. In hindsight, I guess it must've rolled far enough under the car that we didn't see it when we peeked. But then this evening, as I walked back up the driveway, there it was. Just sitting there.

I think life is like that sometimes. We search --and sometimes it feels like we're doing it in vain-- for answers but they don't seem to come until poof, they do. I don't know why God chooses to reveal truths to us at different times --why we're tasked with being impossibly patient-- but you know something? I grateful to be able to live in the truth. Though life has and will continue to screw with me, I'm sure, dimes will continue to show up when I need to see them.

June 6

Not gonna lie: summertime 'round these parts can get kinda hairy. Between kids fighting over video game controllers to the constant chorus of "mo-om, what can I have to e-eat?", it can be overwhelming. But a trip to the library remedied some of what ails me because the summer reading program is going on, and if my little boys like anything, it's an incentive.

This little book (and it's identical twin) has given me two big blessings yesterday and today: 1) it's encouraged both of them to read. A lot. And 2) it's given me a few hours of blessed, argument-and-drama-free quiet. Although I'm a chatterer by nature, sometimes silence is just what I need.

June 5

Isaac's baseball season may have come to a close a few weeks ago, but it ended for real tonight when the Pirates had their team party at a local pizza place. Here are all 12 goofballs; after taking a few "serious" photos, I sensed their restlessness and said "okay, silly faces" and this was the result. Oh, to be 8, 9, 10 again, right?

I certainly had some moments of frustration as the Team Mom, but I was genuinely touched and had to swallow back some emotion when, after the coach had recognized each player with a funny certificate, he addressed me and called me the 13th man. I like to toss around a baseball now and then and I love batting (especially when I'm working through some aggression) but I've never really been on a team, so the remark meant something.

I'm definitely going to enjoy the off-season and some down-time, but I'll always look back fondly on this particular team. They may not have had the best record, but they're all genuinely great kids, and I'm blessed that I got to know them, if only for a little while.

June 4

Abby opted to start her summer vacation by being sick. She didn't look quite right on Friday, and she continued to not look quite right yesterday, but never had a fever when I checked. Then, this morning when I went to tell her to get dressed for church, she again didn't look right, and this time when I touched her forehead, it was hot: after a few days of dancing around the issue, the fever had arrived. So she spent most of the day like this:

I'm bummed that she's sick; it stinks to start off a vacation not feeling well. But honestly, I like being able to sit and watch her sleep, especially given how much she's changed in the nine months since she began seventh grade. I can't get that time back, of course, and she'll never again be a little girl, but she'll always be my little girl. And seeing her cuddled up with her pillow, resting, reminds me of when she was really young.

June 3

Today was, for the most part, a normal old Saturday: I slept in, had my coffee, and lunched at Red Tractor. Then we (well, everyone but me) had ice cream as a treat, since the kiddos all had great report cards.

Yep, just a regular, run-of-the-mill day. But like I've said before, regular, run-of-the-mill days --especially when they follow days that are anything but regular and run-of-the-mill-- can be blessings.

June 2

I didn't get to watch Logan finish fifth grade today, and I grieve that loss. Every time there's a special day, I'll lament his absence and think of him, and the little cracks in my heart will split open and bleed all over again. But I know that I have to look back and live forward, and thankfully, this last day of school --this day of transition-- was filled with notable moments that I could've missed out on had I focused on what I didn't have.

I did get to watch Brady play modified soccer with his friends in the moments after he finished his final day of kindergarten. And I got to watch him pose for a pic with two of his good buddies:

I got to ask Isaac if there's anything special he'd like for his birthday and to hear him reply 'a pet, but I already have one, so I'm good'. (He "won" one of his class' pet betta fish yesterday, so we welcomed Jake the Fish to the fold.) And I got to reassure a sad Abby that she'll still see her friends over the summer. Then a little later, I got to have lunch with Adam and with the three of them.

So yes, it's easy to get caught up in what I don't have; and honestly, I think it's a reasonable reaction to a terrible slice of reality. But today, I'm thankful that the sadness didn't own me, and that the good outweighed the bad.

June 1

Field Day means fun in the sun for the kiddos, and I spent it going from station to station with Isaac's class.

Although I was tired this morning and not particularly excited about helping out, being surrounded by such youthful exuberance was probably good for me. There's something to be said for being a kid, after all.