May 31

Today was the last day of sophomore year for Isaac and seventh grade for Brady. So this Fall we'll have two juniors (since Abby will also be in her third year at Wheaton) and an eighth grader. It'll be the return of the big fish!

As is our custom, I took Last Day of School door pictures before we left this morning. They pretty much confirmed what I already knew: Brady's grown a LOT since August, while Isaac held steady (for the most part. He may have gained a half inch or so. It's hard to tell. I just know that I have to tip my head back pretty far to see his face these days). 

It's been a year of ups and downs, but I'm very proud of both of them for persevering. And I'm looking forward to having them both around more during the summer (as long as the wrestling matches are brief and don't result in injury) because they're great boys and being their mom is a blessing.

(I'd be remiss if I didn't touch on Logan today as well since he's my other wonderful boy. He would've graduated from high school tonight had he never gotten sick. I've shared my thoughts on the subject over in my old blog. You can find the entry here.)

May 30

Abby sent me a video this afternoon but I was busy picking up the boys from their second-to-last day of school, so I didn't watch it right away. After I got home, popped a Benadryl to calm my flaring allergies, and sat down on my bed to rest, she plunked down next to me and told me I should watch that video. So I did.

As I watched the clip --which was about parents who go into their rooms to have some alone-time only to have their teenage children join them one by one-- Brady sauntered into the room and flopped onto the bed next to his sister.

I chuckled at the irony.

I love these two. And I love Isaac. And Logan. And I hope they know that my door is always open to them, even when I'm tired. And even when it's literally closed. (Just knock first!) Because they are among God's greatest gifts to me.

May 29

The bros had a TVBR game this evening.

To sum it up, they fought off a late rally by the other team to hold on to a one-run victory. After the post-game meeting, I noticed from my perch beside the bleachers that they were assuming the standard Team Formation. And I was gratified that someone other than me had a) noticed that all 16 boys were present for the first time, and b) wanted to take a photo to commemorate the occasion.

I'm quite often the primary picture-snapper, so it was a blessing to me to find that someone else assumed the role. And that he shared his images, too. Sweet days, these are, and I'm glad to have images that can help jog memories down the line.

May 28

Brady's Intermediates team party was held tonight at the home of one of his teammates.

Initially he planned to leave early so he could attend Youth Group with Isaac, but --mid-way through an impromptu and enthusiastic wiffle ball game in the street that gave off a classic "teen boys in the summer" vibe-- decided he'd rather stay at the party. So that's what he did. And based on how sweaty he was when he finally came home a few hours later, I'd say he had a good time.

Awesome stats aside, he really enjoyed being part of this team. It's a nice group of boys and they share a great sense of camaraderie that you don't always find on teams that are formed for a single season of play. 

They gelled. They had fun. They enjoyed each other's company. They won a bunch of games. They made my kiddo's life better. So for all of those big blessings, I'm grateful.

May 27

Back when Abby and Logan (and even Isaac) were littles, we would go on day trips to various places around the Bay. With those memories in mind, Abby said she wanted to go ride the Steam Train at Tilden Park --which we hadn't done since Brady was a baby-- so that's what we did this morning.

We left for Oakland at around 10:30 and arrived just in time to join the throng of fellow Memorial Day day-trippers in line for the next train. 

And even though my kids are all now big kids, it was really fun to share that ride through the woods with them once again. Brady was your average "this is stupid" 13-year old so he sulked, but both Isaac and Abby were enthusiastic riders, and their enthusiasm was infectious. And my memories of Logan riding along with us were salient. Bittersweet for sure, but I'm thankful to have them.

After the ride, we went to Wendy's in Rockridge to pick up lunch, and then on to a bench with a view of Lake Temescal to consume it. 

It was a blessing to be out with my family, and it inspired me to look into more day trips that we can do over the summer. I'm not sure how many we'll actually tackle, but I'm excited about the possibilities.

May 26

It's been a few months since I've made a prayer shawl, so I decided to start one a few days ago.

And tonight, I'm watching TV and working on said-project. It's mostly quiet, save the occasional trek down the stairs by a kid in search of sustenance in the kitchen. 

I'm thankful for the quiet and for the ability to create something that will bring a sense of warmth and comfort to someone else.

May 25

After my Prayer Shawl Ministry group meeting this morning, the fam and I headed up to Lafayette for a tour of my in-laws' recently completed home remodel.

It's a lovely new space and it was fun to go around and see all of the bells and whistles -- both inside and out. 

But beyond that, it was great to see how happy Adam's parents are with their changed-up house. We were their first visitors and it was obvious that they enjoyed showing us the space. It was a long, long process (like multiple years), but it seems like they'll be blessed with a great place to live during the years to come. And that's a wonderful gift.

May 24

Brady had a scrimmage this evening so Adam and I set up our chairs to take in the action.

It was a cold, windy evening for late-May and we shivered under our jackets and big 49ers blanket. But at one point between innings we both looked up and noticed a patch of vibrant blue sky overhead. It was the first bit of blue the day had offered up.

So for that moment of loveliness, I'm grateful.

May 23

Brady played his last official intermediate gold game this evening.

He did well this season. On the pitching side, he posted an ERA of 3.63 and batters hit just .179 when facing him. Given that he pitched almost exclusively during gold games, those are pretty solid numbers.

Offensively, he had 76 plate appearances and posted a .465 batting average. His on-base percentage rested at exactly .500, and he drove in 17 runs on 33 hits: 23 singles, nine doubles, and one triple. He scored 23 times, swiped 16 bases, walked just twice (he does not take pitches), and was beaned three times -- twice by the same kid, who happens to be on his TVBR team.

All in all, it was a good season for my kiddo, and I am so thankful that I got to watch him play in so many of his games.

May 22

Since it's Wednesday, Brady (and Abby) joined me at the Mother Ship this morning.

I sat across from them and sipped my coffee. And I watched as Abby took a series of photos of Brady, mostly for her own amusement.

It's normal, everyday behavior for my kiddos: Abby loves taking bizarre (and often just plain bad) photos of all of us. 

It's funny. And I am grateful for that predictable dose of humor.

May 21

I think I've mentioned it before but I was the team parent for the JV baseball squad this year. Given that we only had one coach it required quite a lot of work to keep things running smoothly, but I like to help when I can and the coach is a nice guy so I didn't mind putting in the effort.

With all of that said, tonight was the baseball banquet. Isaac had a TVBR game so I didn't think he'd be able to attend, but the match-up was settled relatively quickly so we hightailed it back into town so he could go. I got there in time to say a few words about Coach Zach, and after it was over, we headed home.

Since we weren't planning to go to the dinner coach had texted me earlier today to say he'd left a little something on the porch to thank me for my help, and when I checked, I found the loveliest little collection: a pink Stanley cup, flowers, and some Mother Ship money, along with a nice note. I don't know how he did it, but it's pretty much the ideal thank you collection for me.

It's really wonderful to feel appreciated, so I am very thankful for this unexpected gesture.

May 20

I was tucked into my usual corner spot at the Mother Ship this morning finishing up my coffee when a group of developmentally disabled adults and their caretakers came inside. They took the chairs around me and I'd been intending to leave anyway so I started to get up, but the woman who appeared to be in charge smiled and said I didn't need to give up my seat. So I opted to stick around a few minutes longer, and in hindsight, I'm so glad I did.

Why? Well, a younger-looking woman gazed intently at me for about 30 seconds before pointing at my shirt, which had "Orioles" emblazoned across the front in orange and black scroll. She studied it for a few more seconds before asking if I liked the Giants.

I smiled in return and explained that I was actually an Oriole fan, and a very pleasant conversation followed. She was definitely cognitively challenged; she spoke slowly and deliberately and even concocted memories with my kiddos after I told her their ages. But she was sweet. And I could practically hear Jesus saying how much He cares for her. And how important it is to Him that we --that I-- take the time to make her feel valued because she matters just as much as any other person who walks the earth.

So for that reminder --and for the feeling in that moment that Jesus was very, very near-- I am grateful.

May 19

This morning we got up and wandered around grandma's house one last time partly taking mental (and some actual) photographs and partly looking for meaningful mementos we could carry with us before heading to the airport for our flight back home.

We were all emotional as, one by one and in our own time, we stepped outside. After I closed the door for the last time, Adam gathered us into a circle right there on the driveway and said a prayer of thanksgiving for grandma and for all of the wonderful Christmases we spent with her. And for what a tremendous blessing her life was to so many.

I took one more walk around the circle --that circle I've traversed so, so many times before over the past 40 years-- and then asked that we take a photo before we left. So here we are.

Although you can see the emotion on our faces and those feelings are hard, I am thankful. I'm thankful for the trip and for these people standing with me and for those who aren't pictured. And for how my grandma's example will continue to inspire each of us to live better, more generous, more loving, and more faithful lives.

May 18

It was a beautiful day of celebrating my grandma and her legacy.

My mom, brothers, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew were all there, of course, but so were nearly all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, save my cousin Tom's son Gage, and my cousin Derek's wife and their two young sons.

The service at the church --where my grandma was a longtime member and where I spent my early years-- was lovely; my mom gave the primary remembrance, while a handful of friends and relatives --including yours truly-- also ventured to the mic to share stories. Common threads that ran through all of our tales was how fully and how well grandma loved people, and how much she loved Jesus. She was an amazing inspiration to so many, and although I've always enjoyed being her granddaughter, I felt particularly fortunate and blessed to have known her as well as I did while I listened to --and in some cases, nodded along with-- the stories shared.

Following the service, we drove under rainy skies to the Ag Center, where the caterers were busily setting up chafing dishes for the reception lunch of lasagna, pizza, ziti, and meatballs. It wasn't a full house, per se, but it was fun to catch up with my cousins, and it was fun to take zany selfies. A grateful shout out to my sister-in-law Reaya for having her photographer-friend come to take some family shots. They're gorgeous and I'm thankful that we'll have them as mementos.

Promptly at three, we loaded up the cars with the photo memorabilia and the leftover food and headed out, bound for grandma's house. While we were there, the majority of us took the time to chat even more (while the kids enjoyed the pool table in the basement). There was something special for me about standing in that kitchen I know so well, spending time with people who'd shared that very same space with me 30 (and truthfully, almost closer to 40) years ago.

As we departed to head to dinner at Bobby's house, my cousin Kristen and I made plans for the groups --her branch of the family and mine-- to meet up at Jimmie Cone, so that's what we did. Despite the cooler temps and the threat of rain, most of us enjoyed ice cream (black raspberry with rainbow jimmies for the win!) and even more conversation. From there we said our goodbyes to the Plegge clan and returned to Bobby's house to finish the game they'd started earlier in the evening.

So yes, it was a beautiful day of celebration and remembrance. And I am once again so thankful for my grandma and for her profound impact on my life.

May 17

I am, once again, really tired. It's been a good week, but it's also been a long week with lots of adventures. Good adventures, but they've still taken a toll on me. But anyhow.

Today Abby and I got up, secured coffee, and headed over to the Ag Center --where the reception following grandma's memorial service tomorrow-- will be held. We put out the photo boards we made this week along with some photo books and framed pictures, and then sprinkled candy on each table. (That was my idea since grandma, in her later years, was perpetually offering us something sweet -- "Want a piece of cake? Pie? How about a cookie? Some ice cream?" The kiddos could always count on Great Grandmother Connie to offer them some kind of tasty treat.)

Then we drove to BWI to pick up the male folk, since they got up before the crack of dawn to fly back so they could join us for tomorrow's activities. Then, because we had tickets to tonight's Orioles game, we headed in to Baltimore, accidentally sneaked into the parking lot (and then got permission to stay; all I can say is they need to do a better job of keeping the gates closed), had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory at the Inner Harbor, and then strolled over to the stadium. When we arrived there, I was reminded that it's important to always check individual stadium policies because my purse was about an inch too big to be allowed inside; after a moment of panic, we rented a little locker that was available and the crisis was promptly averted. 

We collected our game day giveaways --some pretty sweet replica jerseys-- and found our seats, and then enjoyed a pretty great game: lots of offense for the O's and not much for Seattle. It was the kids' first time at OPACY (Oriole Park at Camden Yards) and my first time there in a long, long while (the last time I got Miguel Tejada to sign a baseball card), so it was fun to re-experience it with my people. The bros were particularly amused by Gunnar Henderson's walk-up music ("The Sweet Escape") and their faces broke into huge grins every time something exciting happened on the field (which was often. I don't think Adam nor I had even seen two triples followed by two doubles And the 9-2 final score was nice, too). Isaac --our resident Oakland A's fan-- seemed just as excited as Brady, who is my fellow Oriole lover. Every time there was a hit or a run scored, I glanced over at their faces and they absolutely glowed with genuine enthusiasm. Even Abby was into it after a few innings.

And now, we're back at grandma's house for the night. I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready for tomorrow, but I'm sure it will be a good day to remember grandma and the blessing she's been to all of us. So for the chance to be with family and the chance to reminisce about a wonderful woman who meant a lot to me, I'm thankful. 

May 16

Phew, I'm tired. Like "I'm ready to nod off at any moment" sleepy so I'd best get moving.

It was a good day, all in all. We had our morning trip to the Mother Ship followed by ice cream at Jimmie Cone (this go round was black raspberry --which happens to be one of my very favorite flavors-- with rainbow jimmies). Then we picked up some photos I'd ordered to use on one of the photo memory boards for Saturday.

So back to the house we went to work on said photo boards, with Abby focused on one and me on another until I decided we should break for lunch at 2ish. After briefly conferring over what we wanted, we navigated to IHOP where we enjoyed our girl time over tres leches pancakes and chicken and waffles.

Then it was back to the house once again to work on the boards again until it was time to leave for my brother's house at around 6:40 PM. Once there, we were greeted by Bobby, Reaya, and Bri, and we joined them in ordering takeout from The Hornet's Nest for dinner. After dinner, Bobby went into silly mode with the reversible gnome I sent him at Christmas last year. The gnome and the ensuing antics made me laugh until my sides hurt, which was a blessing because laughter is such an amazing cure for whatever's under my skin. 

Finally, we re-loaded the car and drove back to grandma's house one more time. And that's where I am now. Very tired, but content. And that's a blessing.

May 15

Today was dedicated to visiting friends, both mine and Abby's.

Following the usual morning coffee stop, we embarked upon the journey to Lovettsville, Virginia, where Abby's friend Anna and her family live. It rained on and off so the weather could've been better, but it was a pretty drive through green rolling hills. The hardest part of the trip was navigating the long, partially paved, one-lane stretch of road that leads to her house, but we finally sorted it out and had a great time munching on chicken salad sandwiches while we chatted with Anna, her mom, and her sister (and even her brother for a minute). And the giant white rental car is now caked with dirt from the adventure, and a crusty-looking rental car always means a good time was had, right? Right.

From there, we headed east on I-70 to join my middle school friends for dinner at Lib's Grill in Columbia, where we've met up several times before. It was --as it always is-- a total hoot, and it was an extra blessing to invite Sonia to the ranks for the first time, too. Our little group has gotten larger over the years, and I'm so thankful for the continued friendship we all share and for how easy it is to be together. We laugh and talk about both the lighter and less lighter sides of life and then we laugh some more. It's truly good for my heart and I enjoy every second.

When we got back to grandma's house, I spent more time going through photos, and found a few more sweet ones from days gone by. It's bittersweet to remember, but I'd say the sweet is much stronger than the bitter, and I'm grateful for that.

So that's today. I'm pretty tired from all the driving, but I feel content. And that's a blessing I don't take for granted.

May 14

It was a rainy Tuesday in Maryland, but Abby and I made the best of it.

Thanks to the calming effects of Benadryl, my alarm clock, and a smattering of willpower (but mostly the alarm clock), I managed to get up a bit earlier than yesterday, and found Abby dressed and ready to get moving when I cracked open my bedroom door.

Our first stop was Dunkin for some (duh) donuts. She opted for the double chocolate cake variety, while I was drawn in by the promise of Oriole magic with my cream-filled orange and black selection. (When in Rome, after all.) Then we washed down the sugar with some coffee from the Mother Ship. (Well, I did. Abby went with the less caffeinated "water" option.)

From there, I confirmed with my dad that he was up for a visit, so we drove to his post office up in Rocky Ridge. (Locals, if you don't know where that is, it's cool. I didn't, either.) We had a nice time sitting and talking for a while, and I even managed to find the one elusive puzzle piece that he needed to complete the picture he'd been working on. On our way back out of town, we stopped by the Loys Station Covered Bridge (since we visited the nearby Utica Covered Bridge last summer while we were here). Abby wasn't thrilled about this side trip since a) she was wearing a skirt and tank and b) it was raining, but I was undeterred and even skipped back to the car after we'd captured our snaps. (There's video.) Since the lunch hour had long since passed by then, I navigated us to Arby's so she could have more roast beef, and then we returned to grandma's house to continue working on the photo boards for this weekend. Then a little later we grabbed bowls at Chipotle, where we spied a policeman who looked strangely like my brother Bobby noshing away at his own dinner.

It's still weird to be here without grandma, but it's been fun to go through her photos. She has book upon book and box upon box of them, and it's so cool to see some of our family's history laid out frame by frame. It's a gift to me, and I am grateful for it.

May 13

Our first full day in Maryland was a good one. I got up far, far later than intended, mostly because all of the cute little Maryland allergens saw me and squealed "she's back!" and my body helped out by grossly overreacting to the enthusiastic invaders' presence. (In plain, non-colorful terms, I was very congested, which made it hard to sleep.)

But I heard the call of the Mother Ship, so after we admired the gorgeous pink flowers in front of the house, Abby and I headed out in our giant rental SUV for some late-morning caffeinated libations. From there we enjoyed some ice cream at Jimmie Cone --chocolate jimmies on chocolate and vanilla for me, New York cheesecake for her-- before driving to Target to pick up make-up remover. (And to look at Cars with Faces. And yes, I did find some new ones! It was thrilling.) By then the lunch hour was upon us and Abby had a hankering for roast beef, so we settled on Roy Rogers before heading back to the house to meet my mom. 

Yesterday was Mother's Day, of course, but today also happened to be my mom's 78th birthday, so we gave her the presents we'd brought along. I was particularly satisfied when she cackled over the singing cats birthday card I picked out; certain members of my family who shall remain nameless didn't believe she'd appreciate it, but I knew she would and it's so nice to be right now and again. Anyway, from there we went to the Cheesecake Factory to continue the birthday celebration, and then we joined her at her choir rehearsal, where she introduced us to many of her friends. More than once, a person I'd never met before approached me and said "I know who your mother is! You look just like her!" And they did indeed know. It was like my childhood all over again. It was quite pleasant sitting there listening to them sing a handful of worship songs --some I knew and some I didn't-- and it was especially sweet when they had mom stand up so they could sing Happy Birthday. She's blessed with a great group of compadres in them and I'm grateful for that.

We finished off our day by beginning the very long process of going through grandma's pictures so we can create memory boards for her memorial service this weekend. I hadn't realized it before, but my grandma kept every card that was sent to her and has literally thousands of photos --most of them labeled-- of friends and family and her gardens. It's proving to be a huge undertaking, but it was so much fun to show Abby photos of not just her great grandmother during her younger years, but of her great great grandmother and her great great great grandmother as well. The history in those boxes is mind-blowing to me, and I'm thankful to have access to it.

So yes, it was a good day. And a full day. And I am thankful for the time with two of the most amazing women in my life. 

May 12

I began today with a cinnamon roll, orange juice, coffee, and presents (including a flower arrangement made by Isaac) all served in bed for Mother's Day and am finishing it 3,000 miles away in the bedroom that was once my own at my grandparents' house in Maryland. 

Contrasting the two scenes creates a strange juxtaposition in my mind, as the reason for the trip is my grandma's memorial service this coming weekend, and my grandma was a strong mother-figure for me. It is, as I've discovered over the course of the past hour, very odd to be here without her. But here I --and Abby, and later, the boys-- am.

Strangeness aside, it was a nice day, as far as travel days go. I'm grateful for the chance to celebrate --if only a little-- with my own children and husband at home. And I'm grateful for a relatively uneventful flight. I did panic for a few moments when the guy seated next to me threw up as soon as the plane lifted off the ground (because there always has to be something) but he assured me he suffers from motion sickness and bemoaned having forgotten his Dramamine. I'm also grateful that my checked bag came out in good time and that I was able to safely navigate our enormous rental SUV to the house with my trusty co-pilot's guidance. And I'm grateful that even though it was after midnight when we rolled in, my mom was waiting to let us in. So we wished her happy belated Mother's Day and a happy birthday and then off she went.

And now... now I'm just alone with my thoughts, remembering sweet slices of time spent with my grandma in this house. And I'm feeling grateful for the strong women who God placed in my life.

May 11

Another Saturday, another set of games for Brady.

They weren't his best games ever, but what I appreciated --and what I told him I was proud of after the fact-- was how he let the troubles he had in game one roll off his back. He didn't get upset or frustrated (at least not overtly) and he kept a positive attitude. He even grinned and flashed us a thumbs up as he trotted out to the mound to pitch during the latter part of game two.

So much of this life is determined by attitude, so I'm grateful that Brady had a good one today. 

May 10

After taking in numerous beautiful photos of the Northern Lights from my friends around the country this evening, I decided I'd go out back a few minutes ago and have a look at what I could see from here.

When I first got up to the deck and surveyed the sky, I was disappointed that I didn't see any of those amazing greens and pinks. It's the sight I'd hoped to see, after all.

But then I focused on what I could see: a huge moon whose brightness was so intense that it belied its crescent phase, and a sea of tiny but brilliantly illuminated stars. Absence of color aside, it was stunning.

And it was also a nice reminder that even when we don't get what we hope for, what we do get can be pretty remarkable as long as we don't get lost in disappointment.

May 9

The boys have played baseball for many years now, but they've never been on the same team until now. For the next month and a half, they will both be part of the TVBR Royals.

Today was the first practice they were both able to attend so of course I had them pose for me before we headed out to the field. 

It's always fun to watch them play, but it's also a challenge since they're typically playing in different cities at the same time. So it's a blessing that they'll be sharing a dugout, even if it's just for a short time.

May 8

Today Abby joined Brady and I for our customary Wednesday morning Mother Ship stop-in.

Brady snagged my usual seat (with a big grin) and the two of them took a series of silly selfies while I chit-chatted with Terry and a few of the Usuals.

It was, in short, a very pleasant, very comfortable trip. And I am grateful for the experience and for the people who shared it with me.

May 7

I'm in the throes of a seasonal allergy attack so I'll keep this brief.

Brady had a game tonight (which was the source of said allergy attack -- it was windy and I'm sure the pollen was swirling around like little dervishes). It was, all in all, a not-awesome outing for him; he got a hit, but he also struck out and struggled on the mound for the first time in a long, long while.

But I'm okay with all of that. And I know he will be, too -- eventually. I'm grateful for the tougher games because they make the good ones feel even better. And because they push us to do better and try harder next time.

May 6

I had the joy of spending time with two of my favorite women today:

I had coffee with Abby at the Mother Ship this morning, followed by jaunts through Walmart and Target. (And Dick's, but she's not really into sporting goods so it doesn't count.)

And then this evening, I had my slightly delayed birthday dinner with Nikki at Locanta Amalfi downtown. The limoncello spritzer was veeery strong, but the gnocchi was good and the company better, so it was a good time all in all.

Good friends (and good daughter) are hard to find, so I am grateful for these two lovelies.

May 5

It took a few days, but we finally had our "yay, you're back in California" slash "congrats on finishing the school year" dinner for Abby at CPK this evening.

The prevailing mood was a positive one and there was plenty of banter as we waited for and then consumed our meals.

As I lingered over my wild mushroom pizza and watched the kiddos interact, I realized how at ease they are with one another and how happy they are when they're together. 

There are snippy exchanges at times, of course, and I fully expect them, but all in all, they love one another. And for that, I am so grateful. 

May 4

It was supposed to be another baseball-rich Saturday for us, but a (very odd) early May storm washed out all of the games on the schedule. So instead, we hung around the house and chilled.

Some of us watched the Greta Gerwig version of "Little Women" during the early afternoon hours. Some of us played video games. Some of us went into our room and fell asleep while watching true crime. (Me. That last one would be me.)

After dinner, we all sat around the kitchen table where Isaac taught us a new card game. 

And, of course, there was sibling bonding time, as suggested by the photo. It's such a blessing to have them (and their animal pals) under our roof once again. More chaotic, yes, but infinitely sweeter because in a way, they're really only fully themselves when they're together.

May 3

Abby had a long day of traveling. It featured multiple flight delays that necessitated an itinerary change and triggered some stress as well as a few last-second plan changes, but the important thing as midnight draws near is that my eldest chick is back in the nest for summer.

And for that --for the ability to snap photos of these three together, in-person, and for the laughter that I know is to come-- I am very grateful. The picture is not complete without Logan, of course, but it's very, very good nonetheless.

May 2

When I left the Mother Ship this morning I had every intention of going home, but I didn't. As I started the car, I felt like I should go to the Livermore Target. I didn't really want to go so the thought rather annoyed me, but I had the time and I felt like I should, so off I went.

And I'm glad I did because when I got there, I found some new Cars with Faces! I guess it's kind of silly that I still look for these, but they remind me of my sweet Logan. And every time I find one I don't already have, I can see his face and hear his little voice, just as it was 12 years ago, gleefully exclaiming "new cars!"

So for the sweet connection to what was and all of the memories I hold dear, I am grateful.

May 1

I think it's human nature to be mad when we don't get what we think we deserve. When the big promotion goes to someone who hasn't been at the company as long as you have or when momentum in the game abruptly shifts in the final inning and your team unexpectedly snatches defeat from the jaws of victory, it can be hard to swallow the residual disappointment and frustration. It's hard to not get what we feel we've earned.

But sometimes, it's important to be grateful when we don't get what we deserve.

After I dropped this guy off at school, I decided to drive over to Dublin to see if the Target had any new Cars with Faces. (They did not.) Since I had time, I headed over to Walmart to look there as well (spoiler alert: again, no dice) so I navigated to Dublin Boulevard. Which is known to be a favorite for ticket-giving motorcycle cops. (See where I'm going?)

Now I wasn't going really fast; I was in the right lane and the car ahead of me was definitely going faster. But I saw the two policemen on the bikes pointing their speed guns in my direction and I knew it was too late to do anything. My fate was sealed. So I held my breath.

I watched and cringed a little as the first chopper pulled out behind the car in front of me and turned on its lights. I continued holding that breath. Then the second pulled out behind the car behind me and turned on its lights. So the cars in front of and behind me were pulled over. But me? I was not. 

I continued on (driving right at the speed limit), feeling a deep sense of gratitude that somehow, this time, I hadn't gotten what I probably deserved. For that, I am grateful. And I am also grateful for the reminder that it's not always awesome to get what I deserve, and that although God knows my wants and desires and preferences, He ultimately knows what's best for me.