May 31

I was driving over to the post office to mail a package this morning when I decided --very last-second style-- to drop by the Prayer Shawl group meeting.

I hadn't planned to go at all; Brady and Adam were at a baseball game, and Isaac and Abby were at church helping with childcare so I'd intended to just be solo all morning long. But then as I neared the turn-off for the meeting location, I found myself making that turn and guiding my car into the parking lot.

And in hindsight, I'm glad I did.

I've been feeling rather off lately, and these ladies were there to listen to me. And even better, I know that they'll all pray for me as well. 

So for their presence and their wisdom and their compassion, I am very grateful.

May 30

It's hard to believe it, but today was the last day of school. 

Isaac bade farewell to his junior year, while Brady finished his three-year tenure in middle school. This fall, they'll go to school together one more time: one big fish, one little fish.

I know how we got here --time passed, just as it has since it began-- but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel a bit surreal. How on earth can my children be finished with elementary and middle school? How is Isaac just a single year from high school graduation? How is Abby a year from finishing college? And how is Brady a freshman? Surreal is a good word for it.

But another good word for it is "blessed." Because we are, and I am grateful for that. And I will cling to that word --and that reality-- on the days when time feels like it's moving along too quickly for my taste.

May 29

The boys have one day of school remaining, and tonight, Brady had his eighth grade promotion ceremony. That's right: my baby starts high school in a few short months. I'll have a freshman and two seniors. I'm going to need some serious time to process that entire huge reality.

But promotion day actually began with an invitation-only assembly this morning. We got an email a few weeks ago letting us know that he would be receiving a department award, although it didn't disclose which one. So Adam, Abby, and I were on-hand when he was presented with the PE Department award for excellence in all-things athletic. He's always loved sports so it was a fitting prize, and I'm super proud of him for always working hard and giving it his all, which he does in all areas of his life.

And then this evening was the promotion ceremony itself. It was a comparatively early event, beginning at 5 and slated to end at 6, and I must say, the administrators did a great job of sticking to the timeline. And they even managed to read out the name of each and every eighth grader, which is something that wasn't done at the middle school Abby and Isaac attended. 

Afterward we went to Mexico Lindo, where we enjoyed a laid-back dinner together as a family.

It truly blows my mind that this kiddo, my baby, the one who compelled me to keep fighting while I was pregnant with him and dealing with Logan's unexpected and devastating diagnosis, is already 14 years old; already old enough to be heading off to high school. I know I had similar feelings when Abby and Isaac were each promoted to high school, too. And I think the intensity of my current feelings is what it is --high!-- because my experience tells me how quickly the next four years will fly by. All I have to do to digest that truth is look at Abby, who will finish college in a year. And at Isaac, who will graduate from high school just a few weeks after the ceremony that will award Abby her Bachelor's degree. And Logan, well, my dear Logan will always be five in my heart. The reality there is bitter, but the memories are so very sweet.

Time absolutely flies, so I'm continuing to strive to live in the moments and to enjoy them as they come and to use what I've experienced in the past to do better in the future. For the blessing of milestones that help us to look back and remember while simultaneously looking toward what's to come and wondering what God has in store for us next, I am grateful.

And of course, on this day of his promotion to high school, I am grateful for the not-small blessing of being Brady's mom. 

(And P.S., I know this totally looks like his LinkedIn profile pic.)

May 28

Abby's been itching to go to the mall since she got home from Illinois, so today we made it happen.

I think her primary goal was to look at formal dresses, so we hit stores that we thought might have post-prom and ball sales. 

We had some degree of success, but she had the chance to try on some fun frocks while I looked on (and offered up my unsolicited opinions, which were, for the record, more positive than her own evaluations because she pretty much looks good in everything. Ah, the good old days). 

All in all, it was a fun outing, and I am very thankful to have my one and only girl back home for a few months.

May 27

These guys right here finished a perfect 13-0 season tonight by beating their opponent 21-0. (Yep, you read that right: 21-0.)

Brady didn't pitch much this season, mostly because he was trying to save his arm for Babe Ruth outings, but he started tonight's campaign. He struck out eight batters over three scoreless innings and looked sharper than I've seen him in a long while. 

And he had success on the offensive side as well, notching three hits in four plate appearances. 

But best of all, he had a good time with his friends. He's played with these boys for several years now and they've developed a really nice (and generally effective) synergy. That sense of comfort eases his anxiety and helps him to be a vibrant, talkative, encouraging part of the team. 

So for all of that --for the blessings of a perfect regular season, a great outing on the mound, and the growing confidence I see in him while he's with his teammates-- I am grateful.

May 26

Abby has been regaling us with BearBear tales for several years now, and I love it.

This afternoon, while I worked on a project in the family room, she plunked down next to me on the floor with said-predator and we shared a rather amusing exchange.

I'm so grateful for her sense of humor and endless creativity and for how she blends them both together to make people laugh. It's truly a gift from God to be able to lighten a mood.

May 25

I haven't used the big garden boxes in the backyard in a few years which means they're filled with unwanted vegetation. Since I can only be outside in short stints (courtesy of my allergies), I asked the kiddos to help with the process of clearing them out (and offered monetary compensation, since I consider it to be outside the scope of "normal household maintenance activities").

They were all keen on the idea; Abby worked a few hours yesterday and Isaac dug by the light of his phone last night. (And I know that sounds odd; it was odd to Adam and me when he headed out back after dark with a shovel slung over his shoulder, but we rolled with it.)

And then today after church, Isaac returned to work. There are scores of roots that course through the dirt so it's not an easy task, but he did it with a smile (and turned down the offer of payment). 

They could easily have turned down my request, but they didn't, and I'm grateful for that. And I'm grateful that I got to see this kiddo serve with a smile, too, because as 2 Corinthians reminds us, God loves cheerful givers. 

May 24

I was tending to my tomato plants in the backyard late this morning when I decided to see how the apple tree was faring.

Even from several feet away, I could tell that we have a bumper crow afoot. I was thrilled to see all of those fledgling apples clustered in little bunches. There were so many that the branches dipped under the weight.

This particular tree produces exceptionally sweet fruit, so I am grateful for the summer-to-fall bounty that appears to be on its way.

May 23

I've had this lovely gradient cake of lightweight yarn for several years now. I've started a few projects with it only to decide I didn't like how they was going, so I'd unravel and put it back on the shelf. I wasn't confident that I'd ever use it.

But I picked it up again today and got to work on yet another stitch pattern, and I think that I've finally found the big winner.

There's something so satisfying about making progress on a project or taking steps toward a goal. Inspiration --even inspiration that takes longer than we may like to come-- is a blessing.

May 22

It was beautiful outside today --sunny, mid 70s-- so I took the opportunity to transplant a few of my seedlings into more permanent containers.

I've said this before, but I love working with dirt. There's something entirely soothing about how it feels and smells.

After I'd finished, I went back inside and realized something amazing: my nose and eyes didn't itch. It was the first time I'd spent an extended period outdoors without a mask in weeks, and my allergies didn't act up.

So today, I'm grateful for the sense of balance that gardening gives me, and for a bit less pollen in the air.

May 21

Ice maker ice maker ice maker.

Ever have one of those days that's just an overall bummer, save a few blessings mercifully thrown in by the Father to spare your sanity? Today was one of Those Days for me.

So tonight I'm especially grateful for the two unexpected I's that made it a less less awful: ice maker and Isabelle.

See, my pellet ice maker stopped working a few days ago. I cleaned its sensors several times, checked the connections to the water chamber, and turned it off and on (and off and on), but no dice. So I resigned myself to a longer term pellet ice shortage. But then this morning, said ice maker spontaneously started producing. And I love my ice so I was thrilled to be able to indulge in a cup of crunchy, chilly glory.

The second sanity-saving "I" was Isabelle, who I bumped into at Costco. We've been friends for a long while now --her older son is the same age is Abby-- and back when the kiddos were very young, we'd hang out at the park while they played. I don't see her often at all these days but when I do, it's always comfortable and familiar and just plain good. 

So for the two big I's that unexpectedly made today less lame, I am so thankful.

May 20

Brady had a Juniors game this evening. The short version is that after winning said-game 21-1, they're now 12-0 on the season. (Brady went 3 for 3 with a walk which is a good night at the plate.)

But the more nuanced story is the one about how these boys have bonded over the past few years. Sure, they're --to date-- crushing their opponents, which is cool for them because when you play, you play to win. And winning big can be big fun.

But beyond that, it's wonderful to see them as they continue to grow together as a team. They're all playing good baseball as individuals, but they're also playing well as a team. They support each other and root for each other and truly do win as a group. And it's pretty fun for me to see my often-reserved son step forward in something of a leadership role when he's with them.

So for all of that, I am grateful.

May 19

A few minutes before we were supposed to leave for the high school baseball banquet tonight, I got a text asking if Isaac could please, please say a few words about the JV coaches during the gift presentation portion of the program.

I was pretty sure I knew what his answer would be (no) but I also knew how good he is at speaking, so I skipped the 'asking him' part and replied with "sure, no problem."

He wasn't terribly thrilled with me when I told him of his assignment a few minutes later, but after a few grumbles, he accepted his fate. 

And just as I knew he would, he did a fine job. He got up there without prepared remarks, took the mic, and did a great job of honoring the two guys who helped to make it a great season for him and the other boys. And he even managed to throw in kudos for last year's JV coach and the Varsity coach.

He's a great kid, and I am blessed to call him my son.

May 18

I spent much of today lying low while dealing with my allergy flare.

Between church and paintballing and a baseball game and a late-afternoon movie, the rest of the fam was in and out.

But there was a sweet time before dinner when the kiddos convened in the living room for a round of Mario Kart. It's a Thing they do now and then and it's always a blessing to me to hear them having fun together.

May 17

This will be brief because I'm really struggling with the effects of my allergies at the moment.

Brady had a pair of games today; one for each team. Just a short time into the second game, it became obvious that their opponent was a bit overmatched. And that truth persisted.

The final opposing pitcher gave up walk after walk until the score had swelled to 15-0 (in our favor). Even though the umpire could've ended the game at any time, he didn't, so we played on. And on. 

And it continued (in part -- the ump really should've ended it) because none of the boys wanted to swing; it's fun to win, after all, and none of them wanted to take a statistical hit for deliberately popping up a ball just to get the game to end (and arguably, to have mercy on the other team). Walks are better than ground outs and pop outs, so it only improved their individual stats to stand there and take balls.

But then Brady came up to bat for the final time. There were two outs and the bases were loaded courtesy of the string of walks. He could've taken a walk but he didn't do that; instead, he deliberately swung at what he knew were two balls and then popped out to short. Just to end the game. And to show some mercy, because that poor kid was simply unable to throw strikes.

I'm grateful that he's the kind of kid who's willing to make a sacrifice in order to make everyone happy: we were happy with the win (and to escape the insanely heavy winds that settled over the park), and the other team was probably happy to just go home.

May 16

This is my tomato wunderkund.

It sprouted from a seed that actually fell to the side of one of the peat pellets in my grow tray. When I first noticed it, it was just sort of... there; off to the side looking small and frail with no soil covering its roots. I planted a number of seeds so I just left it alone and figured that at some point, nature would take its course (as they say).

But that never happened (at least not in the traditionally expected way). Instead, that little plant grew (and grew) until it surpassed the height of its tomatoey neighbors. Although it continued to have no dirt of its own, its little roots stretched out and reached into nearby pellets for sustenance. And at this moment, it's one of the strongest, greenest seedlings in my garden.

It's a powerful reminder to me that our circumstances don't always dictate our outcomes in this life. My little tomato plant started out behind the proverbial eight ball but kept growing and growing nonetheless. If that's not inspiration to keep going amid strife and struggles, I'm not sure what is.

May 15

Abby and I had a lovely summit this morning with some of our pals at the Mother Ship.

Since our usual spot in the corner was occupied, we convened at the high top table. From left to right we have me, Greg the Visiting Kiwi, Terry, Neil, and Abby.

There was nothing special or groundbreaking about the conversation; as I sat there chatting and listening, it just occurred to me that I really enjoy the gift of getting to know others better. And I'm grateful that I've had the chance to do just that with these people (excepting Abby, who I've known a little longer than the others) for the past several years just by enjoying my coffee at my local Starbucks. 

May 14

These two precious young people accompanied me to the Mother Ship this morning.

It's a gift to me to be able to watch their relationship grow and develop and change over time, just as it's a gift to see their respective relationships with Isaac evolve as well. 

Of course, it grieves my heart that they can't share relationships with their other brother in this lifetime, but I'm grateful that we'll all see him again someday.

So today I'm thankful for connections we can share right now as well as those we can look forward to enjoying down the line.

May 13

There were no practices and no games today (which is a rarity) so the boys were able to attend Youth Group this evening. 

And Abby joined us for date night at Cattlemen's. She came on her own, since she decided to visit her old elementary school's Open House night. She wants to be a kindergarten teacher, so she thought it would be fun to connect with her old teachers and check out their classrooms. (And based on her summary of the event, it was indeed fun!)

Anyway, the time with her and with Adam was a blessing. It's a blessing to just sit and talk, and a blessing to hear about their respective days over a good meal.

May 12

I had a good morning with my girl.

We dropped Brady off at school and then went to the Mother Ship, where we chatted up some of the usual suspects. Then it was off to Costco for gas and some necessities before we took one more stroll through JoAnn.

I adore my boys, but it's really great to have Abby at home again. 

I am blessed.

May 11

It was a chill Mother's Day, which is exactly the kind of day I wanted.

It started with a cinnamon roll, a mimosa, coffee, and presents in bed, and then we headed off to church. Afterward we had our customary Sunday morning visit to Logan's grave, where I took a few extra seconds to chat with my oldest son; mostly to tell him that I miss him. 

And then it was back home, where I spent the rest of my day. Adam took the kiddos to visit his mom up in Lafayette, and while they were gone, I worked on a sweater I've been crocheting for the past few days and took in a few old episodes of "Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys." (I so loved Nancy Drew when I was a young reader, and I so clearly remember my mom reading those books to me, too. They're good memories.)

We finished off our day with Costco pizza for dinner; I wanted pizza and Abby remarked that she missed the Costco variety, so I said why not? A lot of being a mom is being flexible, so it seemed like a solid choice since I didn't have a strong preference.

As I reflect on the past 20-plus years of motherhood with which I've been gifted, I feel a strong sense of gratitude. Although it's painful that Logan isn't here with us, I'm so blessed to have Abby and Isaac and Brady. I'm blessed to be able to watch them grow (and grow and grow... look how short I am these days!) and mature. And I'm blessed beyond measure to have children who are good people with kind hearts. I'd love to take the credit for who they are, but the glory goes entirely to God and His work in their lives. I'm just the woman who was blessed to be chosen as their mom.

May 10

Brady and his TVBR 14u cohort played their final two games of the Spring season this evening. They finished with a very respectable 18-6-2 record, which was good enough to secure them the top spot in the BATS league.

There have certainly been plenty of ups and downs this season, but all in all, I think it's been a good experience for Brady. Given that he's introverted and a lot of the boys already knew one another when the team was first formed, he had to work pretty hard to integrate. But he wound up doing just fine. And I'm proud of him for working to make it happen.

There's more baseball to come, of course --the Big Season begins in just a few days-- but I'm grateful for this chapter that's come to a close.

May 9

It's been a pretty sweet Friday.

Isaac played in his final JV baseball game --because next year, as a senior, it'll be Varsity or bust-- and started in right field. He delivered a really nice line drive single during his one and only at-bat, and though they lost the game, it felt like a good end to the season for him.

And then this evening, Adam went to the airport (while the boys and I were at Mexico Lindo for dinner with some of the team) and returned with Abby in tow. She successfully finished her junior year at Wheaton earlier this week and is home for the next several months. It's good to have my chicks in the nest.

So yes, it's been a sweet day, and I am grateful for the blessings of a good baseball season and family.

May 8

I had an epiphany this afternoon and thought I'd share it.

Without going into details (because there's no good sense in rehashing bad feelings), I'll say that I had a negative interaction with an acquaintance today. She was unkind for reasons I don't fully understand, and I really struggled with understanding exactly what it was that I did wrong enough to justify that nasty words that she sent my way. (I'll share later, Abby.)

As I reflected on the exchange, I found myself reciting the Lord's Prayer. The epiphany hit when I got to the part I've circled in red: "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." 

"And forgive us our debts AS WE FORGIVE our debtors."

It's not forgive us MORE THAN we forgive our debtors; it's forgive us AS we forgive our debtors. The takeaway? We have to forgive, and we have to forgive BIG. If we want to be forgiven, we have to forgive everything. So I took a deep breath and forgave my acquaintance.

It was startling to finally understand the gravity of those words, but I'm glad that I do. It's not always easy to forgive, especially when we're feeling hurt or frustrated, but it's always the right thing to do. It's a total cliche, but the act of forgiving someone --regardless of whether or not that person is contrite-- brings the forgiver peace. And for that truth, I am grateful, because it sucks to live life chained to anger.

May 7

We're nearing the end of the high school baseball season. In fact, I picked Isaac up from school after his AP Comp Sci test this afternoon and hightailed it over to our cross-town rival's diamond for his penultimate JV game.

He legged out an infield single for the first time in... well, maybe ever, but the game was otherwise a rather forgettable one for the Dons. So I'll just forget those details and look forward to Friday.

But I will always remember how it felt to drive him there and back. He was chipper, happy, optimistic. And when he's in a good mood like that, the smiles come easily and he chatters about this and that with a beautiful freedom.

So for the easy grins and the light in his eyes that I can see so clearly in this image, I am grateful.

May 6

Some games are easy. And some are messy. Tonight's was of the latter variety.

It was filled with baserunning oopsies and weird strikeouts on pitches that, to the casual observer, didn't look particularly strike-like. (A ball that bounces in the dirt before it reaches the plate is never a strike, in my humble opinion. But... yeah. It was one of those games.)

Yeah, it was a dirty one.

But in the end, Brady's team pulled ahead by a fairly comfortable margin and maintained that lead until the last out was recorded, bringing their season record to a robust 9-0.

Although no one likes being put into uncomfortable circumstances, it's good to face unexpected challenges because they remind us that we're not really as great as we sometimes think we are. Those challenges may not feel like blessings when we're wading through them, but they are because they provide the gift of humility, which in turn increases our understanding of and compassion for others. And I am grateful for those lessons and for the fruit that they will eventually produce in my kids' lives.

May 5

I lost my Oura ring yesterday for the third time in as many months. 

I first noticed it was missing (yet again) after I got home from Brady's games. Given that I'd also taken a jaunt through JoAnn to peruse their going out of business sale, I figured it was gone-gone this time because I had no idea when it'd disappeared from my index finger.

Still, I checked the bed sheets (in case it'd fallen off overnight) and the car (since the last time I "lost" it, it was eventually located in the passenger seat) and the family room chairs and couches and the kitchen table. And other random and not-so-random places that came to mind. But no dice. 

I was bummed out over losing it again and mad at myself for not keeping it charged, but I felt a sense of calm resolution nonetheless. I remember telling God that if He wanted me to find it, I'd find it. And it'd probably be sitting out in the open, since God has a sense of humor. (But truly, in the back of my mind, I was pretty sure it wasn't coming back this time.) And then I stopped thinking about it.

But as it turned out, my assumption was wrong, because when I got up this morning, I walked out into the kitchen and saw that big silver ring sitting on my desk. Right out in the open. I had to do a triple take before I believed what I was seeing. I was pretty sure I'd looked there yesterday so I asked Adam if he'd found it. No. Then I asked Brady. Another no. Isaac had already left for school, so I messaged him to ask and he too said no. And in my mind, that left just one option to explain how it wound up on my desk in plain sight. 

Now I know a lot of folks won't believe that God put it there, but I do, because He is the ultimate finder of lost things, whether those things be rings or coins or well-loved stuffed animals. Even people; especially people. So I am grateful for the reminder that He is indeed able to do so much more than we could ever hope for or imagine. Because He certainly can, and He often does. Even with itty bitty insignificant things like chunky rings that keep falling off our fingers. And if I can trust Him to be faithful in small ways, I can trust Him to be faithful in big ways, too.

May 4

There's a lot of unbridled joy in this photo, and Brady is right in the center of it.

It was the bottom half of the last inning of the second game of today's doubleheader. The score was knotted at 8 runs each, and there were two outs. Brady stepped up to the plate, bat in hand, and I held my breath and silently prayed for a good outcome. And then whack! The ball went flying toward the outfield and soared over the left fielder's head. Game over. As Brady trotted toward second base, his teammates sprinted from the dugout, and the celebration commenced. There was helmet-slapping and water-pouring and lots of cheering and huge, goofy grins.

And afterward, as we walked toward the car, Brady pulled a baseball from his back pocket --the baseball-- and casually showed me how the bright red stitches were ripped. We agreed that the pitcher would've rejected the ball if it'd been torn pre-pitch, so he must've hit it hard enough to create the damage. He grinned as he put his prize back in his pocket for safe-keeping. And I smiled and shook my head.

It will no doubt be a core memory for him in the years to come. And given how the game started for him, it could've had a very different outcome. I didn't mention this up front, but he was game two's starting pitcher and to be blunt, he wasn't very sharp. He labored through 2 2/3 innings before the coach finally took him out. He could've gotten discouraged and benched himself, but he didn't. Instead, he went out there and literally used his bat to rip the stitches out of a baseball. And despite his tough start on the mound, he wound up being the hero.

A core moment for sure. And also an excellent reminder that we often go through struggles and challenges before we reap the rewards of our hard work. So we should always, always keep moving forward and always, always keep trying, resting assured that God has a good plan for our lives. (And sometimes, those plans even let us be the heroes.)

May 3

It was a baseball-centric Saturday.

We began with a double-header for Isaac's team, which netted a win and a loss (each game, oddly enough, finished with a 4-3 score). Mr. Isaac made his contributions with a hit in each game, including a very well-struck double to center field, a walk, and several catches in left.

From there we spent about an hour at home before heading over to the Sports Park for Brady's 5 PM game. That one was an 18-3 blowout in his team's favor, and Mr. Brady tallied three hits and played the whole game (or almost the whole game; I'm honestly not sure because there was plenty of chaos) minding first base.

It was cloudy, windy, and cool for most of the day, so I'm mostly thankful to be home in my warmish house, sitting in my favorite chair, wearing my cozy pajamas, watching a movie, and reviewing the day. A good day. And for all of that, I am thankful.

May 2

Nikki and I had a fun morning downtown. We started off at Primrose for croissants (although there were more than a few tasty confections in the case and I would've happily munched on any --or all-- of them. But a croissant seemed like a comparatively "healthy" choice). Then we moved over to the Mother Ship for coffee, and then after sitting a spell, we took a walk.

And then we finished off our girl time with pedicures. She chose a Springy, bubble-gummy pink, while I opted for glittery purply pink. When I later described the color to Abby, I called them my ninja nails, because they're almost purply-blue in the shade, but very (very) sparkly purple-pink in direct sunlight. Ninjaesque!

Anyway, I love this photo of us. We look so cute and young and happy. I am endlessly grateful for her, for our friendship, and for great mornings like the one we shared. She is a blessing.

May 1

I've said this before but I really love our countertop ice maker.

But every now and then, it gets finicky and refuses to produce. Last week during one of the finicky episodes Adam showed me how to clean the sensors that are responsible for said-issues, and today I had my first opportunity to put my new knowledge to the test.

I had to go through the cleaning process twice, but after round two, it was back in action. 

So today I'm grateful for my crunchy, delicious pellet ice. And I'm also grateful that my brain retained the info I needed to restore the machine's functionality when it tried to tucker out.