April 30

After finishing Brady's blanket last weekend, I turned my attention to the one I started for Isaac all those months ago. And tonight, I put the finishing touches on said A's-themed blanket and delivered the finished product to its new owner.

I'm proud of myself for digging in and focusing so I could get it done (because believe me, I have lots and lots of other projects that could've snatched away my attention). And I hope that in the years to come, Isaac will snuggle underneath that bit of fabric and know for sure that his mom loves him very much. And that the cross that I stitched into the border will remind him that God loves him very much, too.

April 29

Adam and I went for a walk this evening after dinner. (My second walk of the day. Thanks for the motivation, Nikki!)

When we got back, we found these three setting up for BearBear's press conference. Because apparently he decided to run for President.

I have no idea what inspired the event but I love seeing them pool their collective mental resources --even the truly bizarre ones-- to envision something new. And weird.

They --all four of them-- are priceless.

April 28

Isaac's game tonight began as many of his team's games have started this Little League season, with them getting pounded ugly-style by the opposition (mostly thanks to subpar defense). In fact, after two innings, the score was a very lopsided 0-7 (and, as I found out later, the head coach was so annoyed that he sent an assistant coach into the dugout to give the boys a stern talking-to). I braced myself for a tough outing, but then something wonderful happened: Blue fought back.

There were a few walks and a few hits and a dropped strike three that eventually led to a run (thanks to a freakishly fleet-footed boy on his team who has turned the art of manufacturing runs via the dropped third strike into a legitimately reliable Thing). 

And then they tied the score. And then they pulled ahead for good and won 12-9. It was agonizing and exhausting and exhilarating and thrilling all at once.

And it was also wonderful, if the smile on this kiddo's face is any indicator of what was. And for that smile, I am forever grateful.

And beyond that, I am grateful for the very salient reminder that although our circumstances may seem beyond bleak at times and we can't imagine a way through to the other side, redemption is always, always, always a possibility.

April 27

As a general rule, I find it annoying that my kids are on opposing schedules so I'm never truly child-free these days: Abby and Isaac go to school in the mornings, while Brady goes in the afternoons. I drop him off and then literally immediately drive across town to pick up the other two. But with that said, I do have to admit that my morning moments alone with Brady are priceless.

Take today when he came downstairs for a mid-morning snack. He plunked down next to me with a Pop Tart, and while he crinkled the wrapper, I turned my attention to the stack of unopened Safeway Monopoly tickets in the center of the table. So we spent quality opening (him), scanning the tickets into my phone app (me), and choosing red or blue for our second chances (him). 

Fifteen minutes later, we'd exchanged a bunch of virtual tokens for $10 in Safeway cash, and won two bottles of water, a bottle of vinegar, and a deluxe nail clipper. (But alas, no doughnuts. I do miss the doughnuts.)

They were plain old everyday moments for sure, but good ones nonetheless. And I am grateful for every one of them.

April 26

The sunset this evening was quite lovely.

I noticed that warm, orange-y glow on the far wall of my bedroom as I emerged from my closet this evening, and high-tailed it up to the overlook barefoot to take a gander.

And the view didn't disappoint. Oranges, yellows, reds, greys all mish-mashed together on the ultimate canvas in a way that only God could deliver. So for that sight, I am thankful.

April 25

While most of us were off watching baseball games yesterday, Abby was at home making something delicious.

And that something was a batch of scratch-made vanilla cupcakes with homemade frosting (and a surprise middle). Since the frosting doesn't have all of the preservatives of store-bought, she made sure that we each ate a few both yesterday and today so none would meet the trashcan. 

My girl does so many things well that I'm often in awe of her talents, and this is no exception. 

So for her and her many giftings that will no doubt provide her with many ways to bless others in the future, I am grateful.

April 24

I started working on blankets for each of my kiddos about seven months ago, shortly after I figured out how to crochet. I finally finished one of them yesterday, and today I gave it to its recipient.

I've said before that Brady is my little Baltimore sports fan, so it seemed appropriate to make his in Oriole black and orange. (With apologies to local Giants fans, of course.)

He cuddled underneath it as he half-watched the O's play the A's on TV and half played a computer game. And then he threw it over his head, gathered up his animals, and headed up to bed a short time ago.

I love doing things for my people. So today, I'm thankful that I finally managed to complete this project and that he seems to like it.

April 23

On a personal level, it hasn't been a great couple of months for me, but I'm dealing by digging into the Bible and praying more frequently. (And going to baseball-related activities, duh.)

I'd been thinking that I was doing okay, but then I took this quick photo of myself after I had my hair done this morning, looked at it, and thought 'I'm definitely doing okay.'

Lest that should sound vain, I should explain my thinking. For one, my smile looks real. For another, all of that baseball has given my face some nice color and that never hurts. And finally, I'm wearing absolutely no makeup at all here. None. 

Yet the image doesn't make me want to throw up. Nope. Instead, I'm thinking I'll make it my Facebook profile pic for a while because this is me. Real, no makeup, no mask, no pretending me. And today I'm thankful for the visual reminder that being me isn't such a bad thing after all.

April 22

I'd somehow forgotten this with the passage of time, but Heidi and I had a pretty massive blow-up nine years ago that resulted in us not speaking for two years. 

Tonight, we sat at the table in my backyard (with the fire pit going, of course, because it was chilly out), split a bottle of prosecco, and talked for almost four hours about all kinds of things, ranging from the trivial to the truly meaningful. And I had a really wonderful time.

So as I head off to sleep, I'm grateful for our time together and I'm grateful for grace. And more than anything, I'm grateful for the reminder that broken relationships can indeed be healed over time.

April 21

After a long wait that featured a few blowouts and a few relatively close decisions, Isaac's Blue Team finally wound up in the win column tonight.

I was a little bit worried when the opposing team aggressively leapt out of the gates with a 4-run top of the first, but the Blue Team struck back in the bottom half, got their defensive wiggles out early, and stroked their way to an 11-8 victory over Granada 2. Isaac, so I will remember later, had two hits, including a grounder double to left field that stayed just fair.

As I've said many times before, I do so love watching my boys play, and I'm thankful that their hard work and practice is finally yielding fruit on the diamond.

April 20

You know how sometimes life just feels unnecessarily heavy and hard and out of your control and you find yourself hoping for a really good day to help even out the scales of justice somehow? Today was kinda-sorta one of those days for me. The kids were all in decent moods all day long (which is no small miracle in the age of COVID-induced weirdness), I felt a sense of internal settledness that's eluded me for quite some time, and then tonight, Brady's team played a fabulous (fabulous) game.

I have no idea what got into them, but the AAA A's had it going on all levels, with solid pitching, patience at the plate, and on-point defense. Brady definitely played a part in the 14-3 win by turning in a succession of AAA Gold Glove caliber defensive moves at second, including a last-second glove-flip pass to the first baseman to record an out. (He told me later that he flipped the ball out of his glove because he didn't think he'd be able to pull it out of the webbing in time to catch the runner. Well okay then.)

Anyway, it all just felt good. So today, I am thankful for days that feel like much-needed breaths of fresh air.

April 19

Not surprisingly the boys had practice this evening. Fortunately for me, both started at 5:30 and ended at 7 and were at different fields within the Sports Park. (Thank you Jesus for that not-small miracle.)

So Isaac headed off to his field while I accompanied Brady to his. I looked over at him as we strolled and was struck by how big he is, which is kind of funny given that he is most definitely the smallest of the kiddos right now. In fact, he's really the only one who a) still looks like a kid and b) is still shorter than me. 

Still, he's already 10. And he's also funny and quick-witted and silly. And in his brand new bright white cleats (because apparently Dick's Sporting Goods carries an impressive stock of blindingly white Mike Trout footwear), he just looked... bigger. And for me, seeing my kids looking bigger (and bigger and bigger...) is an amazing blessing.

April 18

Last night, Adam, Abby and I watched the '90s version of "Little Women" starring Winona Ryder, Clare Danes, Susan Sarandon et al.

So naturally, tonight's dinner conversation revolved around the selection of an all-male cast for the next re-make of said-film.

Proposed stars included Tom Hanks as Meg, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (because we always use his entire name in our house) as Jo, Jack Black as Beth (because ohmygravy, just imagine the death scene), Caillou as Amy, and Will Ferrell as Marmee March (although some of us were less than enthusiastic about Caillou's nomination). 

It was, of course, a completely ridiculous exchange, but it had all of us laughing aloud at some junctures (and one of us on the verge of choking on her water). It was silly, but amazing in its own weird way. And it made me thankful to realize how well our senses of humor mesh.

April 17

It's a Saturday in April so not surprisingly, there was baseball. (And buckle up, because over the next week, Isaac and Brady have a combined five games. Oh my.)

First we were off to Isaac's game at Patelco (aka The Big Field). His team lost, but he had a screaming double over the left fielder's head that rolled to the fence, so he left feeling chipper. He said afterward that it was the first inside pitch he'd seen in a long time so he was excited to be able to give it a ride.

Then it was over to the Sports Park for Brady's match-up. He walked twice and pitched, though it wasn't his best outing from the mound. His team also didn't win, but they kept it competitive. And Eric and Emily brought the cousins down to take in the event and it was nice to share some time with them. (That's Theo monkey'ing it on the fence during the post-game huddle.) 

No new observations, really. Just grateful for a nice day and for the chance to see my boys play.

April 16

The internet was down (literally) all day, so when Abby and Isaac got home from school, they didn't know what to do with themselves. I headed off to my room to pray and then promptly fell asleep, and when I emerged an hour later, I noticed that they'd gone outside.

I had no idea what they were up to, but from my vantage point in the dining room, I could see that both of them were smiling and they seemed to be enjoying the exchange. So I edged a little closer and realized that Isaac was wearing his glove and had a baseball in one hand. And that Abby had a baseball in her hand. And then she took a step... and threw it toward the net as Isaac observed.

I gasped: he was teaching her how to pitch. And she was having fun.

I ran upstairs and snapped this image from Isaac's bedroom window. And then I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving, because these interactions between my kiddos --when they're just being real, just being free, just being themselves with each other--  are everything to me.

April 15

I was extra tired when I woke up this morning. Between my neck still hurting (I pulled something in there when I was at Isaac's game a few days ago) and other issues, I just didn't rest well. But I got up anyway for the first of my three Thursday morning school drop-off times.

As Abby disappeared through the high school gate, I paused to pull out my phone and ordered my coffee from the Mother Ship. 

When I went inside to pick it up a few minutes later, I spied a sea of cups on the counter. When I got closer, I noticed that each cup had a heart sticker affixed to its top: some green, some yellow, some red, some blue. When I gave the barista my name, he glanced over the names before passing this cup under the plexiglass.

And I smiled immediately. I could've gotten a blue heart or a red heart or a yellow heart, but I didn't. Nope, I got a purple glitter heart. And given that I love purple and glitter, it felt like a much-needed morning hug coupled with an "I see you, child. I see you in all of your purple and glitter glory." 

Given that I so often feel like I'm invisible, the validation that I am indeed seen meant everything to me.

April 14

Abby had a Bible study this afternoon, so I drove her to a downtown coffee shop so she could attend. 

I bought a coffee and a sandwich (which, incidentally, came on the most delicious Salt Craft bread) so I wouldn't feel guilty about using a space in the lot and headed back out to my car to wait (and crochet. Brady's blanket this time). 

When I looked down, I noticed that this sticker was affixed to my sandwich bag. I thought the quote was so lovely and so, so true that I took its picture.

Love is indeed splendid, but it's also stern. It's about acceptance, but it's also about correction. When my kids do something wrong, I correct them because I care for them and want what's best for them. When I feel that a friend is veering down a path that's not right for her, I express concern, even in the face of potential censure. 

But maybe that's just me. At any rate, this spoke to me today. And I am grateful for the words.

April 13

My girl took the SAT this morning.

When I picked her up afterward, I asked if she wanted a celebratory treat. Her first response was "from where?" but then she immediately added "yes." (And given that she doesn't relish making decisions in general, that definitive "yes" was a big deal to me. Hurrah for decisiveness.)

So off we went to the Mother Ship for frappuccinos: vanilla bean for her, mocha cookie crumble for me. 

Another right-of-passage item ticked off the list, and regardless of what the score winds up looking like, I'm proud of her because she is a blessing.

April 12

When I was driving Brady to school at around noon today, a song that we frequently sing in church came on the radio.

(It was, for the record, "This is Amazing Grace" by Phil Wickham.)

I, of course, sang along as I so often do, but in the quiet of the car (I have a hybrid so it's pretty silent when I'm on residential streets), I realized that Brady was singing along, too. 

I relished the sweetness of his little voice singing those words because we are indeed the recipients of Amazing Grace. And I am beyond thankful that his 10-year old self knows the song (and pray that he will fully absorb the truth of the words into his heart as his life moves forward). 

April 11

I rarely say this (because a) I really do value humility and b) it's not often all that true), but I'm proud of myself. 

I had several skeins of this pretty blue cotton/bamboo blend yarn and it matches a dress that I own so perfectly that I decided I wanted to try to make something to go with said-dress. (In the event that we're ever allowed to go out again.)

Anyway, I finished this little spring/summer cardigan this evening. I didn't use a pattern (and because of that, there are a few things I would change up a bit if I were to make it again -- ah, the difficult reality of being a perfectionist), but I really love how it turned out. And I'm proud of me for designing it and putting it together. (And I'm really happy that it fits.)

Pridefulness is definitely not a good thing, but it's a blessing to see the fruit of my labor now and again.

April 10

It was a beautiful morning for baseball.

There were no official games since this past week was Spring Break, but Isaac's team had a scrimmage against the other house Intermediate team (aptly called the Red Team to Isaac's Blue Team). And this time, they came out on top.

It's nice to end up in the win column, but it's nicer to be out in the sunshine feeling optimistic about the day and the weekend and whatever it is that's to come. And that's what I was doing as I sat there in the outfield (watching and crocheting, of course). So for my perky frame of mind, I'm grateful.

April 9

We ate dinner outside (and it was not warm) so I was in a hurry to get back inside. So I came into the family room, set up shop under a blanket, turned on the A's game, and wasted some time on my laptop. And then there was a thunk.

The thunk of a baseball hitting the wooden deck, as it does when Isaac and Brady are playing catch in the yard. 

So I got up and looked outside, and watched for a few moments as they gathered up the balls (ball pick!) and re-set for more to-and-fro tosses. 

It's just another Spring evening in my earthly paradise, and I am thankful for the sights (and the thunks).

April 8

The thermometer by our front door said 68 degrees this afternoon when Isaac and Brady asked if they could get in the pool. I shrugged and said sure, and off they went like little (well, in Isaac's case not-so-little) lightning bolts to slip into their swim trunks. A few minutes later I was out on the deck (feeling none-too-warm in leggings and a long sleeve shirt) spraying them down with sunscreen. And then a little later, this happened:

They held hands, counted to three, and took a running leap into the 72-degree water. (Because although not "warm" per se, at least the heater has been on for a week so the water isn't freezing.)

The sight made me shiver and Adam incredulously banged on the office window and mouthed something along the lines of "what are they doing?!" as they enjoyed splashing each other and re-sharpening their swimming skills for the next hour or so. But for the first of seeing them having fun and for the blessing of being able to provide a pool for them to enjoy, I am grateful.

April 7

I was putzing around the backyard earlier today when I noticed something interesting.

I was surveying the remnants of last year's container garden (which I still need to clean up) when I noticed that one of my pepper plants seems to be producing fresh new leaves. That's them over there on the left.

I leaned in for a closer look-see, and sure enough, one of the plants that I figured was dead is producing a cluster of tender, green leaves.

Given that we just celebrated Easter --when Christ rose from the grave to give us new life-- it was a striking sight. 

I assumed the plant was dead and that it would produce no more fruit, but apparently I was wrong. So the point of the story? Expect miracles. Expect good things to arise from hopeless situations. Expect redemption. Because anything can happen when God is involved.

April 6

It's easy to feel like a lazy bum during Spring Break, so I asked Abby to walk to Starbucks with me this afternoon.

It was a beautiful, warm day for a stroll. I can't remember exactly what we talked about, but I enjoyed the time. And I enjoyed that when I randomly paused on the sidewalk and said to make a goofy face, Abby complied. (Twice, because her first goofy face wasn't all that goofy and I knew she could do better.)

Time with my best girl is always a blessing, even if we're just walking to the Mother Ship.

April 5

These three sat at the kitchen table talking long after Adam and I had cleared our plates.

They were slowly finishing their dinner as they chatted, and at one point, they all erupted into giggles. I think it was about a sci-fi book they've all read (or are currently reading) but since it's not my schtick, I'm not sure.

At any rate, this kind of scene makes me really happy. I know that siblings don't always go on to become real friends later in life, and this kind of thing makes me hope that my kiddos will.

April 4

Easter. The day that Jesus conquered death once and for all and rose from the grave to promise Life for those who believe. A joyful day for sure, and also something of a contemplative one, especially since Logan left this life. 

I peeked back at last year's post and saw that today began much like it did then, with cinnamon rolls and online church and an Easter egg hunt in the backyard for the not-so-short people. (And let me tell you, if the Easter Bunny --who showed up barefoot late last night to scatter those brightly colored plastic eggs under nearly pitch black skies-- had seen how our kiddos scooped them all up in three and a half minutes flat, she (or he, naturally) would've facepalmed in exhaustion because whoosh, there they went.)

From then on, it was a different kind of Easter as we loaded into the car for a visit to Logan's grave (and thank you to whomever left the lovely flowers), grabbed lunch, and did the drive-through Easter egg hunt at our church. (Good work, Tina and friends!). Then we drove to Walnut Creek to visit with Adam's brother and his family at their recently-purchased new home. The kiddos helped their much-younger cousins hunt for Easter eggs as the adults --including Adam's parents-- looked on (and provided the occasional assist).

And then it was back home for late afternoon baseball in the yard (for Isaac and Brady), driving practice (for Abby and Adam), and watching an old Columbo movie (for me). And then there was dinner --steak for some, chicken for others-- and dessert, which consisted of truly dee-licious scratch-made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting prepared by Abby late into last night. 

I hoped that by the time I got to this point in this post, I'd have a grand revelation to share, but I really don't. I'm just grateful for Easter. I'm grateful that this day guarantees a life beyond this one and I'm grateful that we don't have to be perfect to experience it. I'm grateful for renewal and for forgiveness and for healing and for all of the good things that still bloom in this broken world. And especially for Jesus, who taught us to love one another beyond all else. Because regardless of what's going on, we can never have or show enough love.

April 3

I just realized that this blog has been quite Isaac-heavy of late. And that trend will continue today.

That's because Adam and I got up bright and early this morning (before 7, which is totally gross for a Saturday) and drove Isaac to Manteca --which is 45 minutes to an hour east-- so he and the Spartans could play in their first ever tournament.

It wasn't a traditional tourney, per se; they played a double header against one other team and that was it. But the field was cute, and it was fun seeing my number 7 sitting there cheering on his teammates. (And playing, of course. That too.)

The first game was very competitive and ended in a 7-7 tie. The second wasn't so competitive and ended in a score that I won't commemorate here, but let's just say that our boys didn't come out on top. (Note to self: not having three of your four usual starting pitchers available to play will cause issues.)

Still, Isaac had fun. He had time with these boys he genuinely likes and he got to play baseball. So win or lose, I'd call it a pretty good experience.

April 2

It was a lovely, lovely day outside, with sunshine and temps in (or at least near) the 70s. 

Since it was the first day of Spring Break and Isaac has an out of town game tomorrow, Abby and I got ahead of the curve and took our customary shopping excursion, with stops at Walmart, Target, JoAnn, Michaels, and the new Grocery Outlet that opened just around the corner yesterday.

Then this evening, I ferried both boys to their respective practices (at different parks. Of course). As I followed Isaac over to the field so I could sign a waiver for tomorrow, I watched as he jogged ahead to join a teammate. (He's the speck on the left underneath the tree.) And then I watched as the boys congregated together ahead of the coach's arrival and how they chit-chatted amongst themselves. And I chuckled to myself when the pitcher off whom Isaac hit a sizzling liner up the middle during the game a few days ago --he was there because he's serving as a replacement player tomorrow-- arrived, took one look at Isaac, and jovially remarked "hey, you almost killed me the other day!" 

I guess there are many more snippets of today that I could share --like how, during our trip, Abby and I did weird dances in the parking lot outside of JoAnn-- but I'll just sum it all up by saying "and it was good." Because although it wasn't a perfect day, it was indubitably filled with good moments. So I am grateful.

April 1

Isaac got home from school today and made himself lunch.

Yup. He ate all of this including the cup of yogurt in his hand (and I'm pretty sure a few handfuls of cereal from the pantry and another not-pictured slice of bread) in 15 minutes flat. 

It's amusing. And expensive. And given the hard truth that I didn't get to see our first boy go through this stage, it's most definitely a huge blessing to watch him grow (and grow and grow) these days.