December 31

And just like that, the ninth year of this little experiment of mine --this concerted effort to identify the ways in which God moves every single day-- is about to draw to a close. It's absolutely stunning to realize that it's already been NINE YEARS, but here we are.

And there were plenty of places where I saw signs of God's goodness and grace on this New Year's Eve. He was in the trip with my now-released-from-isolation niece for some yarn. He was in our drive down to Silver Spring, and in the laughter-buoyed gathering with a group of amazing women I've known since we were girls back in junior high school. 

He was in the quick stop at my grandma's house on the way home and in the brief exchange that we shared as I congratulated on her being just hours from her second '22. (Since she was born in 1922.)

And He's here in my brother's house, where right now most of the family is playing a rousing game of Class Struggle on the living room floor. (While others are spending time computer'ing and dealing with the Pants Gnome's shenanigans.)

To be fully real, it's been a less than great year. In some ways, it's been awful and I've spent more time than ever huddled on my closet floor with my Bible, trying to find clarity. But even amid the less-than-greatness, I know that God has great things in store for all of us. And I'm looking forward to seeing what He has planned for me, for my family, for my friends... for everyone I know and love. 

Thank you for hanging out with me here. I wish you all a wonderfully blessed 2022. 

December 30

It was overcast and rained on and off for much of the day, so we opted out of any grand adventuring today.

After all were showered and dressed, we headed out to indulge Abby's desire for IHOP. From there we visited a UPS Store in hopes of sending some of our gifts back to California ahead of time, but as it happened, they weren't taking plastic because their nationwide system was down (go figure, eh?). So we'll have to try again another day.

Then we went to my mom's house for a visit. My old Strawberry Shortcake house from many (many) moons ago is still there, so I took a few minutes to re-arrange the furniture and set up the dollies for a chat, which was a lovely little shot of nostalgia. Before we headed out, I had mom and the kiddos recreate two pics from two years ago, and I was once again flummoxed by how much Isaac has grown. Two years ago, he was about the same size as my mom, and look at him now. Boing!

After promising that we'd see her again before we go home, we went by the Mother Ship (because I had a hankering for some blonde roast) and I was surprised that they were out of everything we tried to order: no blonde, no cake pops, no caramel brulee lattes. (What?!) So it was a blonde Americano to the rescue. (I know, boohoo. First world problems!) 

Back at Bobby's, I pulled out a new skein of yarn and decided to try my hand at an "experienced" level granny square; we dined on quiche prepped by my brother; and eventually congregated in the family room for Thursday Night Football. 

So that's another simple day on the books. Just a quiet one, but I am grateful for the hours nonetheless.

December 29

Today we got up and headed out for another college visit, this time to the University of Maryland, College Park. Since Brady didn't want to go and Brendan also applied, we switched things up: Brady stayed home with Reaya and Brianna, and Brendan and Bobby came along for a look-see.

After a quick donut-and-coffee detour, we hit the highway. Although the skies were overcast, rain never materialized and the temps were in the totally reasonable 50-degree range. 

We didn't see the entire campus, but we did find Testudo the terrapin in front of the library and rubbed his nose. (Well, I didn't, but Abby, Brendan, and Isaac did.) We also found the statue of Jim Henson and Kermit (hence my selfie) and Charlie's newly placed brick in the alumni plaza (which eagle-eyed Isaac quickly located). I was a little surprised by my kiddos' respective reactions to the campus: while Abby seemed open to the idea, Isaac's said it was too big and he wanted to go somewhere smaller. Go figure! We'll see how he feels in four years.

We then returned to Bobby's, where many of us took naps before a tasty homemade pizza dinner (thanks Reaya!). Abby, Brianna, Isaac, and Brady then trooped through the house striking weird poses before settling on the stairs for yet more weird posing. (I have no idea why but I appreciated the group effort so it was all good.)

Now we're all on the couch and the floor watching "Encanto." 

So that was our day. Partly productive, partly silly. But all good. And I am thankful.

December 28

Thankfully, we were all still asymptomatic this morning so we got up and made the drive to Baltimore to visit Johns Hopkins University (since Abby applied there) and the Inner Harbor.

Somehow, despite growing up in Maryland, I don't think I'd ever been to Hopkins. I thought it was a lovely campus and the boys marveled over the amount of red brick used. It was a relatively warm 50ish degree day, so it was a pleasant enough stroll. We all dabbed at a snail (since BearBear's pet name for Abby is Dabisnail), paused for a pic that showcased the beautiful winter sky, and headed over to the Inner Harbor for lunch.

After putting our name on the wait list at the Hard Rock Cafe, we walked along the waterfront and admired the views (and the ships). When we finally did lunch, we dined on array of burgers and mac and cheese, and I had a big mojito that came in a souvenir glass (because eh, why not?). 

On our way out of the city, we swung by Camden Yards (where the Orioles play) so my baseball-loving boys could see the courtyard of retired numbers and the "Babe's Dream" statue of Babe Ruth. 

And then it was back to Bobby's for the evening. Most of us decided to forego dinner since we didn't lunch until 2, but there's been plenty of chit-chat and TV and video games (for the malefolk) and crocheting my latest project. (That's the tiny pic in the lower righthand corner.)

It was a nice enough day filled with pretty sights and glimpses of a potential future. And I am thankful.

December 27

It was a quiet Monday.

Although we all continue to feel fine, we laid low. Adam and I went out for some groceries during the late-morning hours (where Adam had trouble locating the pasta behind him on the shelf) and Abby took a stroll with Bobby and Reaya, but otherwise, we hung around the house. 

Right now, Brady and Abby are sitting together playing a game on Brady's phone, and most of the rest of us are playing penny Poker on the family room floor. So yes, it's been a quiet day and probably not what we might otherwise have done, but I'm grateful for the slow pace.

December 26

There's really nothing about this trip that's been normal or gone as expected. 

When we got up this morning, the plan was to have Dunkin Donuts and coffee and take photos at grandma's house with my grandma, mom, Charlie, Bobby, and the rest of the bunch. That was the plan.

The reality was that Bobby called at 11 or so --just after I'd downed a delicious toasted coconut donut, gotten dressed and started to put on my makeup-- and told me that my niece Brianna had tested positive for COVID this morning. 

Oddly enough, I didn't freak out (maybe because the past few days have been so weird that not much could phase me right now). But I did feel a need to figure out a plan to limit our exposure to grandma (since she's 99 and all). So I shared the news with Adam and we opted to go off separately and pray about it to see if we could find clarity. In the end, we didn't, really, but we knew we needed to get out of the house sooner than later, so we loaded into the sporty white rental minivan with Colorado plates and headed over to my very longtime friend Gretchen's house to pick up an air purifier for my grandma to use. (Thank you, G! XOXO) 

Then (after a brief stop along Wightman Road to take a silly pic... get it?), we navigated our way to Jerry's for a late-late lunch of cheesesteaks (for Adam and Abby and me) and chicken nuggets, pizza, and mozzarella sticks for Isaac and Brady, and fries for all. Then, on the way to the Tour of My Childhood (also known as a drive-by of my old house), Bobby texted to share that COVID-conscious Charlie had opted to leave early, so we were welcome to move over to their house.

So we did. We went back to grandma's, explained what was going on, and moved our stuff out to the car. And then we were off. Again. We settled in to Bobby's house, enjoyed some yummy BBQ chicken for dinner, and then settled onto the couch for some football.

It's stunning that things have once again taken a left-hand turn, but I'm taking it in stride. I know grandma was really disappointed to see us go (because she told me so!), but I told her that as long as we test negative later this week, we'll come back again. Ultimately, our priority is keeping her as safe as possible, so if that means bunking at Bobby's for a while, that's what we'll do. And we'll enjoy the time here. Things aren't ideal, but they're still good. Silver linings exist. And I am thankful.

December 25

On uncommon occasion a day is so wonderful that I long to sit alone in the stillness of the after-bedtime hours just savoring its residual nectar. As I write from the midst of those quiet moments, I think I'd consider today one of those unusual days.

We began our Christmas at grandma's house decked out in our matching penguin pajamas. We opened presents and dined on cinnamon rolls before dressing for stop number two: my dad's extended family gathering at what was once my other grandparents' farm (and my Aunt Linda and Uncle Bill's current home). It was there that we reconnected with my brother Bobby and my sister-in-law Reaya for the first time this trip, and it was there that the kids reconnected with their cousins. There was a small degree of DeLauder-Wight shyness at first, but some laughing over cookies and potato chips and ham sandwiches (and a lot of other goodies... there is never, ever a shortage of food at a DeLauder family gathering) combined with a spirited game of Chase the Chickens out in the yard broke the ice in a flash. In addition to the chickens, we saw aunts, uncles, a few cousins, and my dad and Lisa and enjoyed the opportunity to say hello to folks we don't usually see.

From there, we drove to Bobby's house, where we met up with my mom. We all had dinner together and then opened presents and oohed and aahed and laughed. And, naturally, we did as we've done during recent visits and took some progressive photos, where a picture begins with two people and then expands until everyone is awkwardly crammed into the frame in selfie mode. And then after the last drop of my champagne was gone and the presents were all freed from their packaging, we returned to grandma's house for bedtime. 

So yes, it was a busy day. Maryland Christmases always are. But it was also a blessed day filled to the brim with family. Given how infrequently I'm here, I'm thankful to have had those hours.

December 24

Given the insanity that was yesterday (and early this morning), it wound up being a whirlwind Christmas Eve. (Which is rather ironic given my recently expressed desire to live in the quiet moments of the season. But I digress.)

Despite the late turn-in time, we were still up by 9'ish. We saw my grandma for the first time (since she was understandably fast asleep at 3:30 AM) and she marveled over the kiddos, and literally gasped when she saw Isaac. Twice. (You're so TALL! How did you get to be so tall?) She turned 99 last month and is still so with it that it amazes me. 

At around 11, we headed out for lunch at Roy Rogers (because Abby wanted that roast beef!) and then on to Target for some groceries and last-minute gifting needs. The crowd was mercifully manageable, so we were able to finish our chores in quick order. Better yet, we got in some serious belly laughs during the car ride thanks to the Florida Man headlines Abby read from her phone. Then we took a quick trip to the Mother Ship in Damascus so I could enjoy a peppermint mocha before returning to grandma's, where we found my brother Charlie. Before he went back to our brother Bobby's for the evening, Abby and I joined him to do our first shot in the 2021 Vacuous Photo series. 

Then we closed out the day with a lasagna dinner, present wrapping, light detangling and wee tree decorating, and the putting out of the stockings.

So yes, it was a quick day. And though it went by quickly, I tried to savor the moments as the blessings they were, and my prayer for you is that you've done the same. Merry Christmas Eve, my friends.

December 23

Oh, this day. This day shall go down in history for its series of not-funny travel-related mishaps. And because of how God ultimately moved through it all in unlikely ways. Buckle up. This is a long one.

This was our year to head back to Maryland for Christmas, so COVID Omicron-ness be darned, that was our plan and our vaccinated selves stuck to it. It was raining (hard) when I woke up this morning, so the saga began on something of an iffy note. Nonetheless, we left the house (and thank you, thank you to our awesome house sitter Mary) at 9 AM and arrived at the airport in Oakland in good time. Adam dropped the kids and I and our mound of bags at the terminal and headed off to park the car. So we checked the luggage, cleared security, and headed to the gate, where we encountered the first (small) hiccup of the day: our flight to Las Vegas was delayed 20 minutes. Not a huge deal, really, but then we boarded and that 20 minutes grew to 30... and then 40... as we sat there at the gate, on the plane. Not moving. 

The flight attendants explained that there weren't enough baggage handlers to get the work done in a timely fashion. That news prompted a woman several rows behind us to launch into a profanity-laced tirade (spoiler alert: our first of multiple tirades today) that I guess took a physical turn, because after we'd at long, long last backed away from the gate and were seemingly about to get in line to take off, a pair of gents with badges boarded, paid a visit to the unruly woman, and asked her in no uncertain terms to get off the plane. She refused, so a few minutes later, we all had to get off. (I had no idea it worked that way. Go figure: gives new meaning to the old mom-threat of turning this car around and heading home.)

So as my faint dreams of actually making our connector in Vegas died a sad, sad death, we all huffed and grunted our way off the plane and back into the gate area. As we waited to re-board, many phone calls were made as we tried to figure out if we'd still be able to pick up our rental car at BWI at 2 AM, the time that our rebooked connector was slated to drop into Charm City. (By the by, apparently no one ever answers the phone at rental car desks so don't try it. It's an exercise in futility.) By the time we finally got back on the plane, we still had no answer.

So where was I? Right, we re-boarded in Oakland at, oh, 3'ish. Three-plus hours late. But the new connector was booked out of Vegas and it felt like we were on the right track. And things were good until I asked the man sitting next to Abby to please put on his mask. Cue 20 minutes of under-his-breath cursing in our direction, followed by 15 minutes of him staring at me. And I mean fixed-gaze, sitting sideways in his seat, stone-cold staring. I could feel the hatred. I finally asked if I could help him with something, which prompted him to tell Abby her shoes were stupid (or something equally ridiculous) and to call me a pathetic loser. And then he cussed some more. I tried to be nice in return; I said I was sorry his day was going so poorly and tried to talk about baseball since he was wearing a jersey, but no dice. More cursing, which prompted the woman in front of him to stand up and tell us both to be quiet or she'd call the flight attendant. I sure as kittens didn't want that to happen again -- I preferred taking abuse over yet another delay and potential deplaning -- so I closed my eyes and prayed; I prayed for this man who was so angry that he cussed out a complete stranger who was trying to be kind. I prayed for his heart and wondered if one of the reasons we were delayed was so I could pray for him. I think he needed it.

Anyhow, that situation fizzled out (thankfully) and when we got to Vegas, we long-hauled it from our arrival gate to our very-far-away departure gate, where I suggested that we get the gate agent to help us with our rental car question since I figured maybe airport employees had access that normal traveling peons do not. (I was right, for the record: she called BWI and BWI called her back and confirmed that rental cars are available for pick-up 24/7.) Then it was Wendy's for dinner sitting at the gate by all of those slot machines. And at long last, right around the time we were originally supposed to get to Maryland, it was time to board the flight to Baltimore. Unfortunately, since we were a late-game rebook, we were in the C boarding group (and two of us were nearly last to board), so I warned Isaac and Brady that they'd probably have to sit in middle seats in random places since the flight was full. But amazingly enough, that didn't wind up happening. There were literally no seats together until I reached the very back of the plane, but right there, in said-back, were not just two but five seats in a nice little row, just waiting for us. And proximity to highly trafficked airplane lavatories aside, my heart leapt when I saw them because they felt like such a gift from God. 

We had a great crew of flight attendants and though it took off more than an hour late the ride was peaceful, so I breathed prayers of thanksgiving as I worked to craft a giant granny square. (Don't ask.) And I marveled over how I've changed: I was frustrated all day long, but I never really lost my cool. I closed my eyes and asked God to come in and to help me to cope. And I coped! This not especially naturally patient girl coped. I didn't get overly upset over the delays. I didn't throat punch the guy who was rude to me and Abby. And I remembered to close my eyes and thank God for His help. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to hurtling through the air toward the east coast. Yes. Peaceful flight. When we landed at zero dark thirty (because honestly, I have no idea what time it was at that point), we headed to baggage claim (where our bags were almost the last to appear on the carousel) and then took the shuttle to the rental car facility. One minivan later, we headed over the river and through the woods toward Great-Grandmother Connie's house. It was smooth sailing, save the large deer standing in our lane at one point along the way but we didn't hit it so it's cool.

So here I am, staring at the glow of my laptop screen at some ungoshly late (early?) hour relaying this story to you from my old bedroom at my grandma's house. I'm exhausted so bear with me, but I wanted to offer up some nuggets of encouragement before I pass out. One is to remind you to always remember to give thanks, regardless of your circumstances. Take it from me: it helps. Truly. The other is to urge you to pray for those who do evil to you. I have no idea why that guy was so angry, but I felt compassion for him and I genuinely hope his tomorrow is better than his today. And that simple act of prayer kept my anger from boiling over and turning me into, well, him. 

Be better. Do better. Love better. No matter what.

December 22

Thankfully, school is finally out. Finally. (I'm not bitter that they were in session this long, really. Noooo.) 

We did as we often do at semester's end and celebrated with a late lunch at Mountain Mike's. 

I won't lie: I feel like we kind of weedwhacked our way through the jungle that was the past several months. The ongoing uncertainty of COVID combined with college apps and multiple teenagers under the roof and a very busy work schedule for Adam made life seem strangely hectic. And it left me longing for real, pure downtime. Just time, really.

So now, with Adam formally on vacation for a little while and Abby, Isaac, and Brady at long last on break, I'm ready to embrace the silence of the season; the quiet moments that we miss when we're not looking for them. I'm ready to sit back and reflect on Jesus and how He gave us something to aspire to amid the pervasive brokenness of this world. 

I am ready, in short, to focus on thankfulness, because thankfulness... that's the stuff.

December 21

Since it's the last half-week of school before Christmas, the schedule's been a little... unusual. 

Kids have trickled in and out at various times; today, for example, Abby got home at 1 after her second final exam of the day, I picked up a pajama-clad Brady (PJ day and all) from his early release at 2'ish, and then I headed out again to pick up Isaac at the regular dismissal time. (For some reason, middle school is on a normal schedule. I have no idea why.)

Anyway, when I got home with Isaac in tow, I disappeared into the family room to put down my phone and heard Abby skittering down the stairs. A moment later, I heard a commotion in the entryway, and when I came around the corner to investigate, I found these three like this. 

It was a goofy hug, because they were slowly moving en-masse toward the kitchen, but it warmed my heart. I love them and their silliness, I love their love for each other, and I love being their mom. It's a blessing all-around.

December 20

This is an amazing group of women.

Plainly known as my Monday morning Bible study group, these ladies (and several others who were absent today) are much more than that. They're wise and witty and although most of them have been meeting together for years now, they graciously welcomed me into the fold a few months ago. 

I am deeply thankful for each of them and for their willingness to share and to listen and to offer up support when it's needed. Every one of them is a gift to me.

December 19

Today, we hosted Adam's parents and his brother's family for an early Christmas celebration.

We started off with chit-chat, the latter part of the Niners' game on TV, and appetizers courtesy of Adam's mom, and moved on to presents in the Pretty Room. From there it was on to dinner --pot roast with veggies, green beans, salad, and dinner rolls-- and dessert, which was a yummy chocolate cake scratch-made by our girl.

Then we capped off the evening with a bundled up (because baby, it's cold outside) trek down to a nearby house that takes its Christmas decorating very seriously. 

It was a lovely day with family and I am super grateful to finally be able to share the blessing that is our home in such a tangible way.

December 18

My pretty room is ba-ack!

I added a new accent pillow and a few fresh pieces of seasonal wall art and shifted a few items around, but it looks pretty similar to last year's iteration. 

And I still love it. Carefully-edited-out video game equipment aside, it's the most tranquil room in the house. Sitting in that loveseat late at night and looking up at the tree is a wonderfully relaxing experience.

The existence of my pretty room would be enough to satisfy me on its own but Adam gave me the best compliment this afternoon when, as he helped me hang a few new pieces of wall art in the family room, he remarked on how much he appreciates that I've taken the time to decorate for the season.

So I have a pretty room and an appreciated pretty room. Two blessings for sure.

December 17

I found this cute nightlight when I was out and about this morning.

It reminded me of my peg Christmas tree (and the like-trees that I grew up seeing at my mom's and grandparents' houses), so it made me smile. I plugged it into an outlet in the entryway so I can see it whenever I pass by (which is numerous times each day). 

Small thing, sweet memories, big blessing. It's just that simple.

December 16

I had a bunch of errands to run this morning, and this was my view as I headed back toward home. 

I thought the clouds and the sun and the shading and the green hills made for a beautiful scene, so I snapped a shot. (And I did it quickly. I'm not a lunatic who takes perfect photos while driving.)

I love sky shots like this one because they remind me of just how grand creation really is. There are yucky parts of this life for sure, but there are also truly lovely ones like that. And that's a good truth to keep in mind on those days when it feels like the rain will never stop.

December 15

I was watching TV this afternoon when Isaac strolled into the room and hopped up onto the fireplace hearth.

Then he started dancing along with the commercial. He shook his hips and gestured toward the screen and laughed this beautiful, genuine laugh.

And then a minute later, he hopped down and left the room without another word.

It was really, really weird. But his complete abandon  was also charming and funny. So for those completely random moments of levity from this boy of mine, I am thankful.

December 14

Today is Brady's 11th birthday.

I know I say pretty much the same thing every time one of my kids has a birthday --something along the lines of "I can't believe said-kid is already said-age"-- but I'll repeat myself again now because it's true: it's amazing that it's already been 11 years since this kiddo entered the outside world and unwittingly brought a sense of peace and hope to an incredibly difficult reality.

Brady is smart and sharp-witted and quirky and goofy. And he makes me laugh on a daily basis with his silly dances and snappy comebacks and random remarks. And he casually tosses out observations that signal a depth of thought and understanding that transcend his chronological age. 

So today we celebrated another year with this son and brother of ours with California Pizza Kitchen for dinner, presents, and chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. And I will head off to bed in a bit feeling thankful for every happy moment he's added to my life.

December 13

It was a rainy, rainy day. Like downpour-rainy.

I very briefly entertained the notion of hitting the pick-up lane at the elementary school, but ultimately decided to do as is my custom and walk Brady back to the car. So I grabbed my donut umbrella (because donuts... yum...) and schlepped over to the school shortly before the bell rang.

Why? Well, tomorrow this kid of mine turns 11. And I'm trying to savor his last moments --my last moments-- of elementary school. Even the ones that involve me slogging through wind and rain. Because every moment is precious. (And I spend plenty of time sitting in my car anyway.)

December 12

The kiddos put on their Nativity play at church this morning.

Brady was the sole participating member from our brood (although Abby helped out backstage) and assumed a dual role of narrator and an angel. (He's in the center of the photo wearing a white shirt and wings.)

They did a wonderful job and sounded like a legitimate children's choir when they sang a sprinkling of Christmas songs.

The production was a beautiful way to start a day and a perfect example of how we're all to approach the Kingdom of God: with the innocence, faith, and enthusiasm of children.

December 11

I had my first meet-up with the Prayer Shawl Ministry ladies this morning, and I loved it.

It's true that I'm a bit on the younger side, but I had a really nice time chatting and getting to know some of my fellow knitters and crocheters. (And adding the collection of shawls I'd amassed to the box!) We had a devotional, wrote out cards, enjoyed some tasty treats, and picked out shawls to be donated this month. Then we blessed them and went about our days.

And I even have a funny little anecdote, too. Three or four years ago, I witnessed an accident and I pulled over to check on those involved. The girl who was at fault was already being attended to by someone else, so I turned my attention to the older woman whose car had been hit. She was unharmed but shaken, so I decided to stick around and talk with her until I was sure she was okay. I put her name and number in my phone so I could call and check on her later in the week, but when I called, she didn't answer. And then I forgot all about it. 

Every now and then I'd see that name in my phone and wonder what had happened to her but figured I'd probably never know. And then today, as the ladies introduced themselves to me, I realized I was sitting across from that woman. I already knew it was her, but I asked if she'd been involved in an accident a few years ago and she said yes and I told her that it was me who'd hung around to be with her. And I quietly marveled over the "coincidence." It was a small-world moment.

And I think it was a Big God moment, too. I so love it when things come full-circle like that. And I love being in rooms filled with wise women. The whole experience was a wonderful blessing.

December 10

I've been eager to be able to have more gatherings at our house, so I was genuinely happy when Adam said he'd volunteered to host (well, some of) his employees for a holiday party. And today was the day.

I tend to hang back a bit and observe when I'm with groups of people I don't know, but I was gratified to see my hunny laughing and enjoying our company throughout the afternoon. (And I was gratified to see him trying to eat and Oreo from his forehead and frantically tossing Peanut M&Ms into a red solo cup during the Controllers' Challenge portion of the program.)

Anyway, it's a blessing to be able to bless others, so I am thankful for the party and for these people who help to make my husband's life a bit richer.

December 9

I finished (and I use that term loosely because I'll probably wind up adding a few more rows) the Christmas blanket this afternoon and draped it over the back of one of our couches. Brady --who provided a consistent stream of encouragement in the form of many, many "so how's the Christmas blanket coming?" interjections-- spied it after dinner, and spread it across his lap.

Then Isaac, with his Santa hat in place, settled in next to his little bro, and I thought the scene was a sweet slice of holiday life.

This life is far from perfect, but some days, a little bit of sweet is just what we need.

December 8

Abby took her Senior pictures this afternoon.

I went along and helped the photographer with adjusting the drape and smoothing flyaway hairs, but mostly I just sat off to the side and watched.

I was fine through those obligatory-for-yearbook-purposes drape shots and even after she slipped into the gown and held the prop diploma against her chest. 

But when he perched the cap on her head and I saw the little '2022' on the tassel and she glanced over at me for just a half a second and she looked SO amazingly grown up, I felt my breath catch in my throat. She gave me a panicked "don't you dare cry" look so I held it in, but my hand instinctively flew to cover my mouth (which --as she later pointed out-- was entirely silly since I was wearing a mask at the time).

Because wow: how did we get here? How is she already half a year from finishing high school? How is this real? Those are rhetorical questions, of course, since we got here because time marches on and on and life moves onward and years pass regardless of our willingness to allow it to happen. But as I sat there in that little room looking at my almost-adult girl, I felt a sense of gratitude that I don't know that I'd felt before. Yep, she's growing up. And I am so, so thankful for these milestone moments. 

December 7

As far as Tuesdays go, today was an unusually busy but pleasant one. I attended the ladies' Christmas tea at church in the morning, ran some errands, dropped Adam at the dentist (since Abby drives his car to school), picked up the boys, and took all three kids to church for Nativity play rehearsal. Then I went to dinner with Adam before heading back to church to pick up Brady and talk with the youth group about our pastor search (since I'm on the search team, if I hadn't mentioned that before).

Anyhow, while I waited for the group to assemble this evening, Abby and Isaac sat down on a nearby couch. Moments later, Ryan and Twila --the cute kiddos of our worship director-- scampered into the room and burrowed between them. That's when I snapped this pic.

When I looked at it a few minutes later, I was struck by the way Twila is looking at Abby like she's a rock star. And by Ryan's huge grin. It is a blessing to know that my kids are having a positive impact on someone else's children because we were made to be in relationship with one another.

December 6

I like a lot of songs that I hear on the radio these days, but I have a special affinity for this one.

The message is as simple as the name --God is good-- but it's striking to me nonetheless for an important reason that I've not always been okay with admitting: I've not always believed that statement to be true.

There were very hard things in my childhood and very hard things in my college days. And then just when life seemed very, very good indeed, we found out that Logan was sick. And then in spite of my prayers, he died.

So yeah, it's fair to say that I haven't always thought that God was particularly good or just. But now? Now I believe it fully. I believe that regardless of my circumstances, God is still fabulously good and kind and forgiving. So for that truth, and for how far I've come, I am grateful.

December 5

Some people are dedicated, focused seasonal decorators who pull out the carefully-labeled boxes and hang the pictures and deck the halls all with one well-planned fell swoop.

We are not those people.

The trees --we have two: one real, and one artificial that sits in the big window in my Pretty Room-- were up as of the day after Thanksgiving, but we didn't actually do any decorating until this evening. 

But decorate we did. The Pretty Room is now prettied, my beloved peg tree is up in the dining room, and the branches of the real tree are are fully adorned with a wide array of ornaments that includes everything from Hallmark penguins to macaroni framed photos of chubby-cheeked preschoolers. (Our kids, of course. No visages of random children appear on the tree this year.)

It's beautiful in every bit of its unique, busy-branched glory. And I am grateful for each point of light.

December 4

When Abby and I got home from our Saturday shopping adventure, the house was quiet. So quiet, in fact, that I wandered around opening doors, trying to find the menfolk. (I'm very amused that I just used the term "menfolk.")

In the end, I found Adam asleep in our bed, Isaac playing a game on his phone in his room, and Brady asleep on the couch in the family room. And because sleeping kids are so cute and peaceful and because BearBear was on his head and because he was cuddled up with both the blanket I made for him and his beanie (which I also made for him), I stood and watched him breathe in and out and in and out for a moment and then decided to take his picture.

Watching my kiddos slumber is a blessing.

December 3

Isaac had a Physical Therapy appointment for his previously-dislocated shoulder this afternoon, so I picked him up from school a bit early and off we went.

I sat and crocheted and listened as he huffed and chuffed his way through the prescribed strengthening exercises. When he was finished, we made a quick pit stop at Target. 

It still amazes me that this kid --our one-time chunky monkey who tipped the scales at 20 pounds plus at six months of age-- is this beanpole who is markedly taller than me. 

Growth can certainly be hard to accept at times (like the growth of my girth), but the right kind of growth... that's a blessing.

December 2

At some point this afternoon I poked my head into the office to share an anecdote from my morning, and when I did, Adam suggested we go out to dinner.

So that's what we did: we secured Little Caesars for the kiddos and then headed out to Chili's. 

We didn't have a lot of time to sit and bask in the experience because I had a meeting at church at 7, but I still appreciated the time.

This guy's a good one, and I am thankful for the blessing that is us.

December 1

I found some new Cars with faces this morning, which is always rather exciting for me. I can so clearly remember how Logan would grin whenever I'd pull out a new one during a hospital visit, and finding them hanging on the pegs these days gives me a similar brand of glee.

Anyway, when I got back home, I took some time to re-organize part of our --his and my-- collection. As I looked at those faces one by one, I smiled to myself and remembered his chirpy voice and the way he'd always 'uh' when the Elvis car appeared on-screen during Cars.

I miss that boy of mine every single day. But I'm so blessed that he was here, and that something as simple as a little diecast car can elicit such sweet memories.