January 5

I've been feeling tired of late. I'm sure part of it is aging because that is most definitely happening. And I can probably also tie it to an increase in dreams about Logan; me looking for him or wishing he was here. Or, in some cases, losing him all over again and dealing --again-- with the freshness, the awful newness, of those feelings.

I don't expect that I'll ever get over what happened.  I've learned to live with it as best I can over the course of the past nearly-13 years. I've consciously looked for the blessings that have arisen from our tragedy. I've taken note of the ways that God used his passing to transform me into a better person. But that doesn't mean that it's not still hard. It is. I am scarred.

So yes, the scars and the dreams make me tired. But when I was in church this morning, singing this song -- "all my life You have been faithful, all my life You have been so, so good" -- the truth of those words hit me right in the middle of all of that weariness. 

And my heart and spirit absorbed the message; took it in like honey from Heaven: God is good, all the time. Even when I'm tired and when my heart aches and when I'm not sure what to do next. God is still good.