October 31

Halloween. Class parades, costumes, candy, pumpkin carving, trick-or-treating. We checked all the boxes today, just as we do every year. Well, kind of. This time was different for two distinct reasons. One, since it's Isaac's last year of elementary school, it was also his last costume parade. And two, for the first time ever, Abby decided that she wanted to stay home and hand out candy, so it was just me and the Little Boys hitting the streets. But she agreed to be part of our photos anyway, which I appreciated so much.

As we headed out the door, I turned to ask if she thought Lambie should stay behind and help, or come with us to trick-or-treat. She paused for a moment and started to hand him over to me, but I stopped her and said I thought he should stay with her -- his best boy's best friend.

It's hard to not know what Logan would do if he were still here: would he have wanted to trick-or-treat with his brothers or would he have hung up his door-knocking days at age 12 to emulate his sis? I honestly don't know for sure. But I just looked over at Abby right now --now that the costumes are packed away and the boys are in bed for the night-- and Lambie is laying across her heart. And though the sting of not having Logan here for another fun day is still --and probably always will be -- very real, it feels like it was a good day nonetheless. I may not have gotten to see what he would've wanted to be today as a 12-year old, but I got to see him as a pumpkin and Pooh Bear and a tiger and a monkey and a Cars Pit Crew member and Finn McMissile. And I'll always, always be thankful for those days.