November 2

The old me --the more carefree version of me who walked this earth before things went so horribly sideways six years ago-- was funny. (At least, I think she was. I could be wrong.) She had her serious side, of course: she worried about things that didn't really matter and stressed over achieving success. But she was also quick-witted and could deliver comebacks that left folks snickering in spite of themselves. Sometimes, I miss her. Or in the very least, I miss her innocence. But this picture that I took of myself earlier today tells me that she's not really gone.

While doing her homework, Abby was simultaneously animating BearBear (as she so often does -- that bear sings Luke Bryan like a boss) as the Little Boys flitted about the family room doing... something or other. At some point, she plunked him down next to me, and when I looked at him, I saw that he was giving me the side eye. So I snapped this selfie as I gave it back, and the act prompted giggles from the kiddos.

I love to hear them laugh. And I love that me being silly by recapturing a part of me that lies mostly dormant (for now) makes them happy. And I love the notion that eventually, my heart might heal enough that I can inspire them to smile more often.