July 17

I took our vacuum in for repairs a few days ago and went back to pick it up this morning. The shop owner was jovial and friendly with the kids, asking their names and if they liked this and that. At one point he turned to me and, gesturing toward the three of them, asked if "this is the whole crew." I took a long pause, as I always do, before explaining that no, one is missing and will be missing until we're all on the other side. He said he was sorry, and that ended the inquiry.

But of course, the conversation lingered in my mind as we drove home. I came upon a red light at a major intersection with the weight of our loss pressing heavily on my heart. And then this song came on the radio:

It's the Brad Paisley/Dolly Parton collaboration "When I Get Where I'm Going." It's basically a song about Heaven and how amazing it will be. The line that's always gotten me --and that, of course, got to me most today as I choked back tears-- is this one:

Yeah when I get where I'm going, don't cry for me down here.

And I took it to heart, because I don't think Logan wants us to be sad. So though I cry still, I don't cry for him, but for us and for what we miss out on by not having him here with us. But for him... no. Because as I was reminded, he's in the better place by far.