October 29

I feel a little shock of embarrassment whenever I notice that someone has de-friended me on Facebook. I know there are lots of reasons why it happens; maybe you've grown apart or maybe you didn't really know the person well in the first place or maybe, in some cases, it was even an accident. Today, I noticed that someone I'd known for several years had given me the axe.

The questions wasted no time coming to mind: did I do something wrong? Did I stick my foot in my mouth again? A breath... or was she tired of hearing about Logan? Did thinking of him make her too sad? I sat in those feelings as they washed over me. And I started to drown.

And then my doorbell rang. I didn't want to get up to get it, but Brady ran to the window as he often does and said no one was there. So I got up. And when I opened the front door, I found these:

We were Boo'ed.

And I very nearly cried.

I spend a lot of time --more than I'd ever dream of letting on-- feeling completely and utterly inadequate. Not just inadequate as a mom or a wife; inadequate as a human being. I usually feel that people don't actually like me, rather they tolerate me out of necessity --like because our kids are friends-- or even worse, out of pity.

But being boo'ed made me feel a sense of significance that I don't often feel because someone felt that I --we-- were worthy of the effort.

Of course, we're all important to God. But sometimes, well, sometimes I need to feel like my existence on this earth matters, too.