March 4

This will sound weird. I know it will. But the truth is, sometimes I struggle with letting my kids be themselves. Sometimes, I'm so desperate to see Logan in them that I nudge them to make choices that I think he would've made if he'd had the chance. And this is where I talk about the bunnies.

Six years ago, Logan took the bunnies in this photo to Noah's Ark Day at preschool. I have a photo of him cuddling them during circle time; when I close my eyes, I can see the scene quite clearly. So on Monday, when Brady told me that he'd need to bring a pair of animals to school today, I immediately retrieved these bunnies and asked if he wanted to use them. He hedged a little. I know very well that he's a bear-boy; he loves his Bear Bear, and I had an inkling that he'd want to take a pair of bears. I told him that Logan had used the bunnies, and after a pause, he said okay.

But then this morning, he quietly fetched Bear Bear and another teddy bear, and announced that he might want to use them instead of the bunnies. For a moment, I was sad, but then I reminded myself that Brady isn't Logan, and that I should be thankful that they're two different and wonderful little boys. He said he wanted to take both pairs to school and make a decision when we got there.

Of course, he chose the bears. I always figured he would, but I felt another jolt of sadness as the door to the minivan closed with the bunnies inside.

But then Brady's friend James arrived. He'd forgotten to bring his own animals, so I offered to loan him the bunnies, and he accepted.

So Logan's bunnies made their way into the classroom for Noah's Ark Day after all. It wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind, but it made my heart --and James-- happy. And that's an all-around beautiful thing.