July 31

Ten years ago today, I gave birth to my first little boy. An initially unidentified milk protein sensitivity made his first few months on the outside incredibly difficult for both him and for us, but after we sorted it out and I made some dietary adjustments, he turned into a happy, adventurous little guy who made me smile like no one else could. And today, we celebrated Logan's 10th birthday without him.

It was a pleasant enough day, with blue skies overhead and the air less oppressively warm than has been the recent trend. In the morning hours, I smiled until my cheeks hurt as we watched video from Logan's birthdays gone by. Then Adam baked the cake --chocolate-- and Abby helped the Little Boys to make paper flowers for Logan's grave. Then we headed off to lunch at Red Robin and to Party City to pick up some balloons. Then we visited the cemetery and released the balloons to contribute to his party in Heaven, "planted" the colorful pipe cleaner-and-construction-paper blooms in the ground, and left a Jeff Gorvette car-with-a-face with the other small contingent of cars that keeps watch over his grave.

We came home and after I frosted the cake --with chocolate icing, of course-- the kiddos did the decorating and blew out the candles. As has become our custom, we gave each of them a small gift. Then it was a mini Phineas and Ferb marathon and out to dinner at Outback, where we all --including Lambie, thanks to Brady's sweet gesture-- enjoyed some of that good brown bread with white butter that Logan enjoyed so much.

And now, the day is nearly over and his siblings are tucked into their beds. It's been an okay day; there were Corvette sightings and a Hot Wheels car with a cool and unexpected flame job and notes from friends and a sweet little mini rose plant on our front porch, which all made my heart leap. I don't know that I can ever say this his birthdays are "good" days since he's not here to celebrate with us and that's a stark, cruel truth, but it was a blessing for us to be together remembering our time with him.

Happy 10th birthday, my Sunshine. I love you so much.