April 17

I've had a song on my heart most of the day. It begins like this:

Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia....

If you've ever been to church on Easter Sunday, it's probably one you've heard in the past. It may be so familiar, in fact, that you hum it without even thinking. But those words mean quite a lot to me. To us.

It's hard to know how to explain just how much I treasure those words; how and why they're tucked safely inside the lining of my heart. But I'll try.

Although I don't remember a time when I didn't identify as a Christian, I can honestly say that I didn't truly value or fully understand those words --the truth woven into each syllable-- until after Logan passed away. It was there, as I struggled to stay afloat in a life that felt much too heavy, that I really found Jesus in a personally meaningful way. I found His heart and his goodness and his no-strings-attached love right smack in the middle of my agony. Stubborn, human me resisted, of course, but eventually, after a number of years had passed, that love broke through in a real, tangible way. And the result in my life was joy. Real, life-affirming joy that makes me happy to get up in the morning, eager to serve, and optimistic about the future, even amid tenuous world circumstances.

Now don't get me wrong: it wasn't easy. I have to decide every day to continue following Jesus. I have to choose to do the right things, even when I'd rather not or when I feel ill-equipped. And it still, to this day, grieves every part of me that my sweet, strawberry blonde boy can't be in this photo with us. I still don't understand why the miracle I prayed for didn't come to pass. I don't understand why this is our reality. But those questions no longer stop me from living with the knowledge that Christ rose from the dead for me, for Logan, for Abby, for Isaac, for Brady, for Adam. And for you. Yes, you, even if you don't know much about Him or are skeptical about Christianity or if you're living in the wake of being hurt by the church and want nothing at all to do with it. That love is there, it's free, and it's freeing. 

So on this Easter Sunday, I am thankful for this family. I am thankful that because of Easter, Logan can dance in Heaven until we're all together again. And I am thankful for joy. 

He. Is. Risen!