I was victimized by a particularly cruel hacker this morning. Said person locked me out of my email account and impersonated me (using VERY bad grammar, much to my chagrin) to send out scam messages to my entire contact list (sorry about that) during the wee hours of the morning. And then he deleted my blogs; this one as well as the one that chronicles Logan's entire illness. I was sad about being hacked, but losing my precious blogs pushed me into panic mode. I filled out the recovery form and my brother, thankfully, was able to provide some pretty clutch info (thanks Charlie). But I still spent the entire day panicked over whether or not I'd see those entries again. Adam and I both scoured the internet, saving as many cached pages as we could find, but of course, we couldn't find every one, and my heart was sad. I've poured my everything into these blogs over the past five years and they mean so much to us. More than I know how to express with mere words.
I struggled all day long with faith. Even though I knew that the data was still floating around somewhere, I had a hard time believing it would be restored to me. After all, the last time I had great faith that something would work out, it didn't: we had to let Logan go. And potentially losing his blog made me feel like I'd failed him yet again. It may not make a lot of logical sense, but I don't think I've cried like I cried today since the early months after we lost him. The potential loss brought back so much pain.
But thanks to a friend who put me in touch with someone in-the-know, and of course, God's provision, I was able to get back into my account this evening. So here I am. And (at long last) here's today's message.
Part of being me is feeling alone. I look at others and think 'wow, she sure has a lot of friends' and then automatically assume there's something wrong with me that keeps me from being loved. But today, when I was operating in crisis mode, so many friends reached out to me to try to help and to offer up words of advice or encouragement. The support was both overwhelming and humbling. And as a bonus, I even got a text from a very old friend with whom I'd lost touch, asking if I knew I'd been hacked! It led to a brief conversation, during which I learned that she's living very close to my hometown. And voila, we just might be able to see her during our Christmas travels. Lemons out of lemonade; as I wrote on Facebook earlier, God makes the absolute best lemonade, and unexpectedly hearing from my friend --even under the circumstances in play-- was certainly sweet.
So to every single person who reached out to me today: thank you. Whether or not you believe, God used you to help keep me sane, and every single one of you helped to make my very challenging day so much better. This Michael W. Smith song I used to listen to during my younger days came to mind as I thought of you: Thank you for throwing me a line and for helping me to scoop the water out of my hole-y sailboat. You're amazing and I'm blessed beyond measure to have all of you in my life.
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